Geez-Louise, Cult Peeps and Cult Pastor!?!?! Just Dance!

"Dance" by Lucre Diaze in flickr

*WARNING TO ALL MY READERS: I really let lose in this post...please take me and my words with a grain of salt*

I recently came across an online review of the cult church. The review was comparatively mild and explained angst that commenter felt after overhearing a church authority leader declare outsiders (non-church members) were not welcome in the church if immodestly dressed.

This was very mild criticism on the part of the commenter, believe you me. In my time people were shamed from the pulpit if they wore flared skirts. Flared skirts, people! Flared skirts that came BELOW THE KNEE. See example below.

"Flared" by krinn in Flickr

"soft blue sky" by lucidRose in flickr

And this long blue skirt on the right would get ya called down from the pulpit as well...too long. (I think it is gorgeous...have one just like it now :)

But I digress.The mildly critical review was vehemently denounced by (what can only be assumed) a member of the church. The rebuttal included references that the reviewer was going to an extremely heated place.

*Sigh*. Really, cult peeps? Can't you find something more motivating in life? Something more awesome than writing up foolish dress codes and condemning to hell those who disagree with you? There is sooooo much more to life!

You should be dancing EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

NOT:
1. ….measuring skirt lengths. (Really?!?! Seriously?!? You can’t come up with a more godly activity?
2 .…telling peeps who they can and can't marry. (Once again…REALLY!?!?! SERIOUSLY!?!?!)
3. ….saying when they can go on vacation.
4. …when they can’t go on vacation.
5. ….deciding what profession they can pursue.
6 .….what books they can read.
7. …what books they can’t read.
8. ….crippling people with fear of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE on the outside of your church.
9. ….doing pretty much ANYTHING of the 85% percent of the nonsense that composes your day.
10. ….Is your life really that pathetic that you have to micromanage others? Or that you have to decimate the message of the grace of the cross? Geez Louise peeps! Really?!?! Seriously?!?!

*sigh #2*

BESIDES a strong desire to shake some sense into you I also wish I could hire a sky writer to put this where you could see it:
I DON'T HATE YOU!
I DON'T WISH YOU ANY HARM OR ILL WILL!
I JUST WISH YOU WOULD STOP HURTING PEOPLE!

Stop hating the fact that I spoke up against your twisted way of life! Your twisted words needed to be spoken against! In fact, the whole church just needs an intervention!

You are wasting your time making me a rallying point of hatred (Geez Louise #2!).

I have moved on with my life…and so should you. Stop using me to spread your fear, hatred and control to the remaining prisoners in your church.

I’ve moved on from angst-ing over you and the damage you wreaked on me.

Actually I have found healing to the point that I am thankful for the hard lessons learned from your selfish grasping:

I learned how to do a hard job and not expect to have monetary gain from it.
I learned how to stick to a thankless task without walking away.

I am a survivor. I am just sorry you were the one to force me to be a survivor.

I am ready to walk away from the proverbial altar. I no longer bear “aught” against you.

I just wish you would lay down your “aught” against me and walk away.

In moving on with my life I have found:
1. ....mascara does not make your eye balls fall out of your head.
2. …it’s okay to wear shorts and jeans. Your legs don’t fall off.
3. ….it’s okay to drink an alcoholic beverage on celebratory occasions. I heartily recommend Grasshoppers.
4. ….it’s okay to skip church once in a while…especially when you have been an addict to religion.
5. …it’s okay to go to theaters. Seriously, people. You watch the exact same movies in your home. I know. I’ve seen you.
6. …it’s okay to not spend every extra penny you own on unflattering skirts and dowdy shirts. Seriously. Read Vogue once in a while. And stop stealing people’s money to buy your blasé clothes. 7. …it’s okay to be friends with WORLDLY people (Geesh #1)
8 .…and because time and post space is getting away from me….it’s okay to: make your own choice in marriage, listen to “rock Christian music (gasp!), read the Bible instead of listening to the preacher, wear bathing suits, wear earrings, blush, and eye liner, listen to country music (including The Civil Wars…Yippee!), root for Roll Tide! vote democratic, read mystery novels, and wear pants, earrings, blush, eyeliner to church.

Seriously. My fingers, legs, ears and eyes are still intact and I have accomplished all but one of the above listed. And if John Huntsman doesn’t make the Republican ticket I will accomplish ALL the listed.

I really, really hope you are reading this article, cult member, and especially you, cult pastor.

Because I want to say one last time: I DON'T WISH YOU ANY ILL WILL. I FORGIVE YOU! I just wish for Geez- Louise- Gosh- Smarm its sakes that you would get some freedom and for God's sake DANCE!!!!!

I don't want to hear that you've hurt one more person and stripped them of their trust in human kind.

I want to hear things like you have let all the young people in church free to pursue their dreams.
That you have repaid those from whom you have stolen.

"red dress" by the heart truth in flickr

That you have asked forgiveness of those you have hurt.
I want to hear that you have bought a sleeveless red dress and worn it dancing.

"tango" by aka serge in flickr

Yes, dancing. Make it the tango. 

That you bought a bathing suit and worn it to the beach.

That you spread the word God isn’t as mean and hateful as you have made Him out to be all these years.

More importantly...I want to hear that you have sought counseling. Because you are very, very ill. Your illness is destroying those you supposedly "love". You see, if you truly love, you let go. Sounds cliched but it's true You don’t micromanage. You don’t manipulate, lie or steal. You get help because you are a deeply trouble narcissist.

*Snarkiness alert* (because I have been REALLY NICE up till now. Really.) That supposed leak that let word of the "runaway marriage" out? That leak came from someone very, very close to you. Very close. Turn around and they are probably standing right beside you.

Heh! Heh! Made you look didn’t I? Seriously though. The leak is in your “inner circle”. One of the “hearts of the true church”.

So do everyone a favor and let that poor little couple actually run away from you and your toxic environment. Stop guilt-ing them that the owe you. They don’t own you one samn thing.

All the snarkiness aside, I have to tell you that this month is Spiritual Abuse Awareness month. So be careful of any visitors to your church. They might be cult exit counselors in disguise (okay, okay the snarkiness wasn't totally out of my system. It is now...I promise :)

Here, my cult peeps and highly controlled, um, (I can't say "geeks" now I can I?!?! I got all my snarkiness out back a paragraph)...um... PEEPS! ...are some articles you should read (you REALLY NEED to read ALL these articles.

I have commented on a lot of them...you never know what I said in my comments so READ. EVERY. SINGLE. ARTICLE. (and all the comments)

Best advice I know to get out of your pastor worshipping, fellow- brother- hating slavery: here.

God commands you to be free.

Feel loved: Read how much Jesus loves you and count the ways (written by the most excellent word smith Eric Pazdziora) Visit Eric's blog on Spiritual Abuse here.

Surround yourself with grace: Read Hillary McFarland's grace- filled description of the cult family.

Lewis Wells will give it to you straight with the only advice he knows to give to members of high control group, whether it be a family or a church.

Elizabeth Esther writes an awesome blog about that desperately wicked heart that you, oh cult pastor dear, pounded away about prayer meeting after prayer meeting. According to Elizabeth that scripture is a great way for abusers to couch their manipulation.

Time gets away from me to tell you of the awesome articles written by Rachel Held Evans, Internet Monk, Ann Voskamp, and Serena Woods. I strongly urge you to read them.

As I noted above, I have commented ALL OVER these blogs. You need to read every single post to see what I might have written.

Cult member, after reading all these amazing exhortations toward personal autonomy and the freedom to have your own relationship with God...then so be it. Do whatever makes your boat float.

Cult pastor, why have people's pain on your conscience? Why not let them fly free? You don't need these poor people's adulation to justify your existence. God loves you and will forgive you for your trespasses. As He will forgive us all.

"The trick is to learn to dance in the rain" by daneete 5

So, geez, cult pastor and cult member...Why don't you just dance? I hope you finally do. Life is just way to short to waste your time spitting at the wind. It’s so much more fun to dance.

What I am reading....

photo by Bonnie Blue Art in flickr

...not Donald Miller...for the moment. I am rather (still) steamed at a recent blog that, in my humble opinion, is caricaturing females as morally loose, experiencing "slutty" periods and dependant on men to provide the meaning in her life. Commenter Sydney said it best:

Donald,
WHY is a woman made worthy by her sexuality and man by his character and godliness? This is such a tired and harmful characterization that is used repeatedly by male church leaders.
How can you say that men get to write women’s stories? Does a woman not have a story until she meets a man to write it for her?

 (For more on the story read Elizabeth Esther's post and Rachel Held Evans' awesome reply)

I wish Donald had had the good fortune to read Jane Austen's words in Persuasion before he penned that fateful post:

"...Well, Miss Elliot," (lowering his voice,) "as I was saying we shall never agree, I suppose, upon this point. No man and woman, would, probably. But let me observe that all histories are against you--all stories, prose and verse. If I had such a memory as Benwick, I could bring you fifty quotations in a moment on my side the argument, and I do not think I ever opened a book in my life which had not something to say upon woman's inconstancy. Songs and proverbs, all talk of woman's fickleness. But perhaps you will say, these were all written by men..."

If your going to gripe promiscuity, Don, both sexes can be slutty and fickle. Not just the girls.

Onto a more interesting topic, I am reading a gripping blog titled "Broken Daughters"
A quote from the post 1995:

photo by meg81382 in flickr

"...A woman greets him and by the voice I can tell it’s a nice old lady from our community. She sees me and say “Oh and Lisa is here too! Hello Lisa!” and she looks at me. I look down but she sees it anyway and says “Oh goodness, what happened to Lisa?”. Daddy smiles and says “She was a disobedient brat at the toy store and this is what she got from it.” He sounds really proud when he says it and he pets my head with his hand. The Lady just frowns at me and says “Well it looks really bad, you might have to see a doctor.” and Daddy says “No, she’ll be fine. If she’s repentant, she’ll heal up just fine without a doctor.” They talk a little bit more but not about me and then the Lady leaves..."

Lewis Wells of Commandments of Men blog fame has this insight on some recent *ahem* Bachmann developments:

...Bachmann was asked about being submissive to her husband during the FoxNews Republican candidate debate on August 11th. She's yet to directly answer that question. Anyone in her campaign with any political savvy knows that if she answers that question honestly and directly, she has NO chance to win the election. Hence, you get half-truths, deflections, and rabbit trails about "respect". The fact of the matter is, few of us feel that someone who can't even lead within her own home is qualified to be the Leader of the Free World. As you can see, the "submission" issue is already grinding the honesty and integrity (assuming some exists) right out of her...

And to lighten the mood a bit...a humorous quote by Demetri Martin:

"Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest."

I absolutely did NOT laugh quietly to myself while reading Caleb Wilde's post of "Awkward Ringtones at a Funeral":

"...My wife recorded herself yelling, “Mom! Mom! Let me out!” in her mother’s cell phone and then set that as her mom’s cell phone ringtone. Awkward in real life. Extra awkward at a funeral..."

And lastly but certainly not leastly...a song by the group The Civil Wars...not reading but listening.Over. And Over. And Again.

Enjoy.

Tuesday's Links

Commandments of Men celebrated one year on June 11th! Thank you for all you have done, Lewis.

photo by will clayton in flickr

A classic quote from Imonk Michael Spencer:

"I am sad to say this, but there is a point at which the relentless God-centeredness of some believers makes them into the adversaries and almost the enemies of much that is good in human life. They become the enemies of normal, especially in the lives of young people, creative people and people who feel that life in this world is good and shouldn’t be devalued by religion."

Eric and Carrie Pazdziora with their friend Jenna Satterthwaite have formed a wonderful band named Thornfield. Beautiful!

And my favorite dude, Garfield....

And She Walked Back In....But I Hold Onto Hope

photo by jc_syzygy in flickr

As it was my greatest joy to say on the April 29th post that a friend had walked away from the cult it is to my deep sorrow to say that I received news that she went back to the cult.

I hold out hope though. She's had a taste of freedom.

I hold out hope because I left the cult behind.

More than that I have a Father who excels at the impossible.

Please remember her in your prayers.

In light of these events I recommend Lewis Well's post of  the only advice I know to give

And on the lighter side...I am "borrowing" this advice from Eric Pazdziora who borrowed it from RT@ Liturgy: "Don't join dangerous cults -- Practice safe sects!"

SNORT!

My Two Cents of Good Reading for Easter

"escape reality" by ghostonstage in flickr

Demythologzing "Radical Christianty"
by Chaplain Mike @ Imonk

The Necessary Non-Hallmark Part of Easter
by Ann Voskamp @ Holy Experience

The Cross and the Crucifix
by EE @ Elizabeth Esther

Rethinking Fundamental Literalism
by Lewis Wells @ Commandments of Men

Clean
by Eric Pazdziora @ Words and Music by Eric Pazdziora

Repost:The Manipulative Power of Peace by Lewis Wells




Raven's Call by This Year's Girl in Etsy

  Through several weeks Commandments of Men blogger Lewis Wells has and will be sharing the story of courtship and ultimate loss of a daughter of Patriarchy.

Lewis wrote a brilliant post concerning ill-gotten peace and the manipulative effects for The Cult Next Door in July of 2010:

Show of hands...


Who among you has based a decision solely on whether or not you had "peace" about it? (my hand is raised)

Who among you has rationalized or justified a decision solely because "God gave me a peace about it"? (my hand is again raised)

Peace is a beautiful thing. It's to be desired. It's also, against every platitude that's ever been instilled in those of us of the Christian faith, sometimes worth the fight that precedes it. When that very important aspect of the pursuit of peace gets left out of the equation, peace can become a very, very dangerous manipulative tool in the hands of the spiritually abusing. Even those who abuse unwittingly. The idea that peace can be used as a benchmark or plumbline in decision making isn't a biblical one. Disagree? You believe there's biblical evidence for this? Okay then, let's examine some prime biblical figures...

Moses...Oh, umm, wait, we can't use him. He tried to come up with every excuse in the book to avoid God's purposes. He was scared to death of his calling.

Abraham...Hmmm...We'd have to dodge the Ishmael thing and the offering Isaac thing.

Jacob...Doh! The man's name meant "swindler", and was changed to Israel only after spending his entire life swindling and an entire night wrestling with God, for which he was allowed to limp for the rest of his life. He sounds desperate to me.

David...Now we're on to something, err, or not. I forgot about those Psalms where he's pleading with God and his skin is hanging off his bones.

Job...Ummm...pass.

Elijah...Curled up in the fetal position under a broom tree, which is little more than a glorified tumbleweed.

Jonah...Heh.

Wait! I've got one! (drumroll)....Jesus!...Jesus, right?!...No?...Gethsemane? You mean when He was is distress and despair, sweating blood, pleading with the Father that if there were any other way? And just think - Christ had the Spirit of God, the Comforter, without measure.
There's an enormous case to be made for obedience in these examples, even if some of it was more eventual than immediate, but little evident peace.

Now, if you're wondering why I consider peace a manipulative tool (the "peace" game, as I call it), allow me to try to explain it. Authoritarian teachers like Bill Gothard, the Vision Forum crowd, and all associated with the Shepherding movement - essentially, any group or system which operates on a hierarchical authority pyramid or structure - have long taught that you make decisions based on being "at peace" with it. They base this belief on the following scripture...

Colossians 3:15: "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful."

More accurately, this teaching is based on this prooftext from the above scripture: "Let the peace of God rule in your hearts." That prooftext, standing alone, looks like clear, "biblical" evidence that we are to use "peace" as a barometer and benchmark in our decision making, i.e., "I have peace, therefore it's the right decision", or, "I don't have peace about this...I must be doing something wrong." Sadly, this passage from Colossians 3 is not even vaguely implying any such thing. If one reads the whole passage, one can clearly see that Paul is speaking on interactions with fellow believers - being loving, forgiving, living in peace, et cetera. It in no way, shape, or form applies to decision making. Unfortunately, this line of thinking has seeped even into mainstream, non-abusive churches, becoming a regular part of the Christianese language.

This is where the "peace" game comes into play. In an authoritarian system, one has to clear decisions and life choices with an authority figure. For those who don't know, I lost my bride, on the threshold of our wedding ceremony, to a patriocentric/hyper-fundamentalist/Christian Islamic family. Her father, and his like-minded cohorts, believe in an authority hierarchy. For women, it's brutal. They MUST be under the authority of a man and in submission. Her father felt it was her obligation to be submissive to him - even in her mid 20s. She ultimately succumbed to the emotional manipulation, abuse, and brainwashing, paralyzed to move forward with her life and plans without his permission and approval. In the final two days of our relationship, she was bombarded with 26 incoming calls from authoritarians, all of whom played the "peace" game on her.

Now, place yourself in her shoes: You've never made independent decisions, you've been indoctrinated with "Submit! Submit! Submit!" your whole life, you've been raised to believe that your dad is God's conduit into your life - and anything God has to say to you will come through him, your family's circle is small and like-minded, and the people in it are trusted because they're what you know, then, a man comes into your life, you fall in love with him, new truths begin to be revealed about all you've known, you then begin to reject what you've known, despite the pain it causes you, and you stand on the threshold of losing everything and everyone you've known in choosing to seek truth...and...at the last minute, these long-trusted friends, who you've always believed and been instructed are "over" you in the spiritual food chain, call you and say, "I'm so scared for you. I think you need to pray about this some more. Rest and pray."

Do you see what they've done there?

In those few words, they've conveyed the message that they disapprove, the urge to pray conveys the message that God disapproves, and in creating a mindset of "What do they see that I'm missing?! Why don't they have peace about this?!", they've very successfully, and very subtly, shifted the true benchmark for any decision that follows away from pleasing God...and focused it solely on making a choice that they demonstrate "peace" with and approval of, because they have usurp God in the mindset. They've made their decision for her, yet in such a way as she never realizes it. They've manipulated their outcome of choice - and God had nothing to do with it. At the same time, they haven't outright told her "No!", and this protects the abusers illusion of "Who, Me?" innocence, and strengthens the belief of the abused that there's been no abuse. Emotional leverage has been created and used with the cunning of a serpent. Pressure, release, repeat as necessary.

This happens every day. In cults, Shepherding movement groups, authoritarian groups, patriarchal/Christian Islamic families, and even in individual relationships.

What happens is, such emotional turmoil and tumult is built up within the abused, being so knocked out of balance, questioning themselves, their own motives, their own godliness, their own worth,"Can this be right?! I can't risk losing everything and end up wrong! I just can't!" Then...defeated submission. The abuser, having persevered, releases the applied pressure and switches to love-bombing and "healing", and with the pressure released, and with such a "loving" environment now created...the illusion of peace. But it's a false peace. Much like a volcano, after years, decades, even centuries of inner turmoil, blows it's top, releasing the pent up pressure, and in the following days, after the tumult of the blast has died down and the damaged has been assessed, the illusion of peace exists on the surface. But underneath...the earth still churns, and pressure is already building once again.

It's enough to make one rethink "God gave me a peace about it."

Look at it this way - if the greatest recorded events in the bible couldn't have transpired until the involved parties had peace about it, the bible wouldn't be very thick. False peace can be an enticing elixir, a beautiful facade, and a restful mirage, especially to a starved, battered, and troubled soul, because it's our habit to put our peace in the wrong place, the easy place, and base it on the wrong things. We reach temporal peace with the perceived outcome of our decisions far too often, instead of finding our peace in an unchanging God and his beautiful, life-giving words, trusting Him to care for us regardless of outcomes. What's right is right, whether we're at peace or in turmoil. Earlier I spoke of Christ in Gethsemane. He did reach a peace, but not with the situation. He found His peace, which would realistically have to be described as a "troubled" peace, in trusting the words and plan of His Father. (Matthew 26:52)

How easily we forget that there's another spiritual force at work on this earth that can create the illusion of peace to steer us in the direction he prefers. A false peace. Ask Ahab. He can tell you all about it, or at least he could if it hadn't killed him. It's also sobering to think of the platform the son of perdition will use to make his grand entrance onto the world stage...a false peace. The great manipulator certainly knows how to use it.

Don't discard or marginalize your emotions, whatever they may be, whether peace or turmoil, but do yourself a favor and measure them by God's word and NEVER by human approval. There are far too many people who are far too willing to subtly make your decisions for you, both well-meaning and not so well meaning. Sometimes the genuine, lasting peace requires turmoil.

Some things to think about. While you're thinking, my hope is you'll find peace in God alone.

"It is an ever-fixed mark..."

Couple by peanutbutterbandit in Etsy

I had to stop reading Commandments of Men at work. Twice I have had to dive into the bathroom while no one was looking to dry my tears.

In the last few weeks Lewis has been sharing his experience of growing in love with a beautiful woman and then losing her to Patriarchy (almost literally) at the alter.

I have no personal experience with the Patriarchal movement but the cult I was enslaved in reads hellishly close to the madness. I understand the paralyzing indecision his bride must have experienced as she struggled between "God's will for her life" as dictated by her family and the beautiful love and life that her groom offered.

Even though I know what her choice will be I find myself hoping, HOPING that the ending has changed. That she will choose the absolute love of her groom. And wiping tears once more as I know she will not.

Maybe that is how God Himself feels when we choose religion or works over His divine and unending love.

Thank you, Lewis, for your willingness to bare your heart-break so that others may be made aware of dangerous beliefs and practices. I pray that the God of all comfort stays close by your side.

"I found her innocence beautiful. Also, it became very clear to me that she didn't care who I was, who I knew, what I did for a living, or how many (ignorant) people would want my autograph. I can't put into words how attracted to her that made me, as that was something I'd always wanted...

"...On the day she was to fly here (for our soon upcoming ceremony), her last words to me were "Love you. See you soon." Two hours later, her grandfather called me and said, "She's not coming, and doing so on MY strong advice." He proceeded to say several extremely hurtful, intrusive, meddlesome, and ignorant things, telling me the various ways I was responsible for the situation. It was a good old fashioned Christian "eff U" coming from a good old fashioned Christian a-hole. He made it clear that if I made the venture across the continent to get her, "You'll be met with unfriendly faces if you do it!" Unless they'd hired some serious muscle, I wasn't worried about facing the whole lot of those fools. The reason I didn't go was that I knew it'd be pointless. They'd have her hidden somewhere. And, sure enough, a week later, I was able to locate her (and I won't disclose how). She was in another state, holed up with another group of patriarchal imbiblers and religious fools, being reindoctrinated but convinced, by them, that she was "waiting to hear from God about the situation."

Lewis, your love for your lost bride is stunningly beautiful and I see in it shades of Christ's love for His church.

I wish I could quote this sonnet to the young lady:

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever love

God bless you, Lewis

Spiritual Abuse Awareness Month

Lisa Bertolini of Soul Liberty Faith has shared an inspirational post on Hillary McFarland's blog Quivering Daughters titled Behind Spiritual Abuse Awareness Month.

Listed below are posts I found inspirational as well as my own story.

Please take the opportunity to share your own story in the Mr. Linky widget.

I can't go to church anymore by Elizabeth Esther

Spiritual Abuse and the Gospel by Hillary McFarland

I Have a Sign: Answering Spiritual Abusers... by Eric Pazdziora

I See Dead People by Tales From the Crypt


The Manipulative Power of Peace by Lewis Wells

Just Be by Serena Woods

Pimps in the Pasture by The Secret Life of a Bishop's Wife

Works-Righteousness by Any Other Name... by imonk

My Story:
Can't You See That I Am Dying?

And So....Rest!

I was unable to post my last few thoughts on October 31st (downed Internet service) so I thought I'd sprinkle them out and about tonight.

It has been an amazing journey, this blog.

I found people who understand being afraid of church.

I have found people, even though wounded by their past, encourage grace and growth in Christ (that's you, Hillary!)

I have found people not afraid to say a spade is a spade and that intimidation in the name of religion is evil (Keep blogging, Lewis)

I have been blessed by the incredible insights by bloggers like Eric who understand the choke hold of legalism and Meg and Burnie who write openly and honestly of life out of the cult.

Provender's post describing how spiritual abuse is the invisible trauma was an eye-opener.

The blogger Recovering Alumni at 'My Teen Mania Experience' has my absolute respect. She has stood up to a mega organization for the lives it has harmed.

If you are coming out of a controlling family or church these people are good friends to have by your side.

My battle right now finding freedom from my approval addiction. Blogger Shari Howerton writes eloquently of her own struggle in this area (thank you for sharing your struggle, Shari)

Working in a consumer satisfaction environment has gone a long way to curing my approval addiction. No matter how good you are, how hard you work, how much you care you just can't make 'em all happy.

I might pop back from time to time to pass along some good reading. For now, however, I am going to rest. And watch 'Pushing Daisies' (my new love) and 'The Middle' (my new fav).

My words of wisdom to myself this week come from Max Lucado's 'He Still Moves Stones':

As long as you think you can control people's behavior toward you, you are held in bondage by their opinions...It's a game with unfair rules and fatal finishes. Jesus didn't play it nor should you...Having [approval] is desirable but not necessary for happiness and is not always possible. Jesus did not let the difficult dynamic of His family overshadow his call from God.

The Journey From The Cult

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate,
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.
~J.R.R. Tolkien~

Two Must Reads: "A Counterfeit Appearance..." by Shari and "Stolen Hearts" by Lewis

Unless you have experienced this level of control over your life and choices, you can't fully appreciate the oppression. We were not free to choose our own wardrobe (especially the women) or hairstyles. There were rigid rules and restrictions. Long skirts and dresses were requirements for women (no pants allowed). We were expected to wear nylons (even in severe heat), rather than expose bare legs. Earrings were forbidden. Make up was considered worldly. Elbows and knees were to be covered. Women were to grow their hair long. Even nail polish on fingers or toes was a sign of worldliness and would result in disapproving looks, comments, and even public chastisement in the form of a rebuking "testimony."-Miss Oblivious Thinks Aloud-

The Manipulative Power of Peace: Guest Post by Lewis Wells

A month ago I discovered the blog Commandments of Men by blogger Lewis Wells. Lewis writes with passion of the danger of legalistic, human-powered religion. His personal loss at the hands of patriarchal control breaks my heart.

Thank you, Lewis, for speaking out against spiritual abuse.

Without further ado, Lewis' guest post:

Show of hands...


Who among you has based a decision solely on whether or not you had "peace" about it? (my hand is raised)