tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85475464790647385382024-02-02T05:41:11.965-08:00The Cult Next DoorSpiritual Abuse in Plain Sight: Life in a Dade City CultThe Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.comBlogger154125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-41671883102443675002013-08-03T12:24:00.000-07:002013-08-03T12:24:00.979-07:00And this........<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/91/6f/fd/916ffdbc4870ddb7b557ed3ea5feeac6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="252" src="http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/91/6f/fd/916ffdbc4870ddb7b557ed3ea5feeac6.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
From <a href="http://www.purposefairy.com/">Purpose Fairy</a>The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-6528737304987674222013-08-03T12:18:00.001-07:002013-08-03T12:18:30.241-07:00And she wrote a book...If you have read more than four posts on this site you have figured out that I adore blogger <a href="http://www.elizabethesther.com/why-read-this-blog">Elizabeth Esther.</a><br />
EE's posts stage with brilliant clarity <a href="http://www.elizabethesther.com/2009/09/dont-trust-your-desperately-wicked-heart-other-fundamentalist-myths.html"><span style="color: #bf9000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">the struggle of life</span></a> outside after abuse inside a cult.<br />
She is real time and transparent with <a href="http://www.elizabethesther.com/2013/07/not-all-wire-hangers-are-misogynists-apparently.html"><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">her heart break and humor</span></a><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span><br />
All that said: Best news ever! She wrote a book.<br />
I am pre-ordering now...
<br />
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<a href="http://www.elizabethesther.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/The-Girl-at-the-End-of-the-World-310x480.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://www.elizabethesther.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/The-Girl-at-the-End-of-the-World-310x480.jpg" width="257" /></a></div>
The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-91692618997834975382013-03-23T21:06:00.002-07:002013-08-03T13:06:25.669-07:00#ChurchSurvivorsThe week is wrapping up and I am blown away by the raw pain and redemption I have read in these posts.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/breerockbrand/4673560966/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Untitled by b r e e, on Flickr"><img alt="Untitled" height="213" src="http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4037/4673560966_91b59d2c5e.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://bit.ly/13bA8n3">Photo by Bree in Flickr</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I will, as time allows, link the posts that are applicable to my journey.<br />
<br />
Thank you, thank you to all the wonderful peeps that orchestrated and participated.<br />
<br />
May our voices be heard.<br />
<br />
We are Church Survivors.<br />
<div style="line-height: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px;">
<br />
</div>
<a href="http://redemptionpictures.com/2013/03/22/when-we-criticize-the-church/#">When we criticize the church</a>
<br />
<blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">So when we criticize the Church, please, please listen.
When we criticize the Church, please understand our hearts. Most of us criticize the Church because it’s hurting our brothers and sisters the same way it hurt us. Because we love them too much to stay silent. Because we love the Church. Because what we’re saying matters. Please know that it’s easier to stay silent than to speak about the past. If we’ve worked up the courage to let our voices be heard, it must matter very, very much.</span>
~Micah J Murray~</blockquote>
The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-2134970083464943982013-03-20T19:25:00.000-07:002013-08-03T13:07:35.186-07:00Don't Play Ethel to Their Lucy<div style="line-height: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363830277944_2742" style="font-family: Calibri;">For three years I have wept, agonized, and drove my husband batty
with this issue:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am a whole-hearted, fully- committed, signed on and sealed in
approved people pleaser.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I play the Ethel to your Lucy. Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink, I don’t
take myself seriously…why should you?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t have confidence in my opinions (why should I? My ex-pastor
DRILLED SUBMISSION! SUBMISSION! SUBMISSION! into my head five- church- services-
a- week)</span><br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/liliameredith/222224006/" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Birdie on a vintage clothes line by fleamarketstudio, on Flickr"><img alt="Birdie on a vintage clothes line" height="200" src="http://farm1.staticflickr.com/75/222224006_6a0db15e78_m.jpg" width="158" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/liliameredith/">Photo by Lilia</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t deserve humane treatment (why should I? My ex-pastor
preached five- services- a- week about my DESPERTELY. WICKED. HEART.) <a href="http://www.elizabethesther.com/2009/09/dont-trust-your-desperately-wicked-heart-other-fundamentalist-myths.html">*read Elizabeth Esther’s excellent post on the subject here*</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">After leaving the cult I frantically searched for people to make my
decisions for me. I shouldn’t be trusted…right? A desperately wicked heart beats
in my widdle tin chest.</span></div>
<span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363830277944_2733" style="font-family: Calibri;">I tried to give the power to my husband (he wised up
and hands the decisions back), Co-workers (Oh bad move, bad move), and friends
(oh WORSE move, MUCH WORSE move).</span><br />
<span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363830277944_2735" style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I morphed from sweet, plump, affable Ethel into monkey-wielding
Elfaba (You know…the girl in green. Read Gregory McGuire’s book)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why?</span><br />
<br />
<a data-pin-do="embedPin" href="http://pinterest.com/pin/304837468498138356/"></a>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Simple. I hit the wall and hit it hard.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You, your body, your emotions are not a limitless resource. If you
pour the lion share of your precious ounces of energy, hearts, and brains into
pleasing others, making them happy, or resourcing their schemes YOU WILL BURN
OUT.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Listen to me peeps. I’ll say it again: YOU. BURN OUT. TURN GREEN.
THROW MONKEYS.
</span><br />
<br />
<div style="line-height: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Manipulative and controlling people are on the prowl for folks like
me. I am crack to their power-tripping needs. I am an easy mark.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Script MT Bold"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">“</span></span><b><i><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Script MT Bold"; font-size: 22pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When
someone shows you who they are, believe them the first
time.”</span></span></i></b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Script MT Bold"; font-size: 22pt; line-height: 115%;"> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Maya
Angelou</span></span><span style="font-family: "Script MT Bold";"></span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I will not lie to you. Giving up approval addiction is not for the
faint of heart. It is a journey. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I happened upon <a href="http://www.amazon.com/When-Pleasing-You-Is-Killing/dp/0805444890/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1363833142&sr=8-1&keywords=when+pleasing+you+is+killing+me">this handy-dandy guide to being</a> a
‘pleasant’ person without slamming into the proverbial wall of bad to no
boundaries. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The book is well worth the buy. Dr. Carter includes lessons (it is a work
book for a small group) and itemized lists.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Here is one such list:</span><br />
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "Script MT Bold"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Imbalanced
People Pleasing</span></u></b></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Encourages others
to take advantage of you in disrespectful ways</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Plays into the
self-serving schemes of others</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Allows false guilt
or fear to be a motivator for behavior</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">4)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Permits your
direction to be based on the reactions of others</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">5)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Demonstrates
emotions are suppressed</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">6)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">LEADS TO FEELINGS
OF BURNOUT</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">7)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tries to take
responsibility for others’ happiness</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">8)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lives with a
‘walking-on-eggshells’ feelings toward others</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.75in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">9)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Becomes an
appeaser when others are angry</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.75in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">10)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Won’t stand up for convictions in the presence of overpowering
people</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The main reason I want to quit my people-pleasing addiction? I am
using them in equal parts to them using me. I need their approval like an addict
needs a fix. It’s a toxic paradigm. In Pysch 101 terms: It is
co-dependency.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just this freakin week I found I
was doing it again (even while reading said handy dandy guide): I once again was
Ethel to another peep’s Lucy. I wised up when she felt empowered enough to
invade my personal space to physically move me out of the way. And act like a
boss about a matter that did not concern her. And, well, I digress. The Point:
She felt lordly enough to bold face treat me like a child.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Another person
told me: “Yeah. I think she’s looking for a side-kick, a person to boss; not a
friend.”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="color: black;">I
have scars on my hands from touching certain people....J.D.Salinger</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, gosh-nab it! I felt like Josh and Bill from History channel’s
“Moonshiners”. I broke again? I ignored the steam of warning pouring out of my
heightened senses again! The signs of a controlling person were laid out in
front of me…And I sashayed right past them. Again. Really!!?!!?! I would have
indulged in a Josh-sized fit but I don’t throw them as stylishly as he does
</span><span style="font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="color: #333333;">When
things go wrong, don’t go with them.</span></i></b><b><span style="color: #333333;"> </span></b><span style="color: #333333; font-size: 18pt;">Elvis
Presley<b></b></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The only thing to do is get off the ground (I did throw a Josh fit
after all. It felt good.) I am putting polite distance between the person and
me. I say “no” to every offer to hang out. It’s the only way.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I read books:</span><br />
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310585902/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363833213&sr=1-1&keywords=boundaries">Boundaries</a></span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Take-Back-Your-Life-Relationships/dp/0972002154/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363833255&sr=1-4&keywords=take+back+your+life">Take Back Your Life</a></span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I read posts:</span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My “No” Is Broken by Elizabeth Esther</span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How Running Saved My Life by Elizabeth Esther *seriously* just subscribe to EE’s blog*
</span><span style="font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363830277944_2731" style="font-family: Calibri;">Oprah’s “O” magazine (Very committed Oprah devotee
here)</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is hard for me to accept but I know this statement to be true:
People only have as much control over me as I give them. I know there are
semantics here for people (women and children especially) who exist in
situations of absolutely no control over their life. That is another
conversation for another day.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For me-right here, right now- I hold the control. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I remember this truth I breathe deeply and slowly back away
from the flying monkeys.</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://bit.ly/12q6yHl" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Wicked Witch of the West Costume by legendaryhalloween, on Flickr"><img alt="Wicked Witch of the West Costume" height="200" src="http://farm2.staticflickr.com/1180/5138320538_8e4a8df856.jpg" width="150" /> by legendaryhalloween in Flickr</a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363830277944_2716" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What about you? </span></div>
<br />
<div class="yiv1900591061MsoNormal" id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363830277944_2721" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1363830277944_2720" style="font-family: Calibri;">How are you dealing with the manipulators, monkeys, and walls?
Please share resources, posts, or stories that have encouraged you.<var id="yiv1900591061yui-ie-cursor"></var></span></div>
The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-47553963714909464722013-03-18T15:22:00.001-07:002013-03-18T15:26:19.556-07:00Can't You See I'm Dying: Life in a Dade City Cult (Part One)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><img alt="Church Survivors" src="http://wineandmarble.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/SpiritualAbuseWeek.jpg" /></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"></span></b> </div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"></span></b> </div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">I was part of a Tampa/Dade City church for twenty-four years. If I sat at this computer for a year and typed continuously, I couldn't begin to record the horror perpetrated on me and those I love.</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_2CFcU1JFAWcG9Wzv7j0exLsP3Waoe-PpJMqoHRkLYOKMmxNacoVjQVusw551YmwAhPq3rnzmKVRMhcI_McroqnYMgFxIPr46SSN0vS7OvJj6TDkVIsQTrdmG8nUHnZzJ3Q0-QjZ69LM/s1600/The+Cult+Next+door+try+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="92" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_2CFcU1JFAWcG9Wzv7j0exLsP3Waoe-PpJMqoHRkLYOKMmxNacoVjQVusw551YmwAhPq3rnzmKVRMhcI_McroqnYMgFxIPr46SSN0vS7OvJj6TDkVIsQTrdmG8nUHnZzJ3Q0-QjZ69LM/s320/The+Cult+Next+door+try+4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
At the same time, I have experienced God's amazing deliverance from destructive cult and the amazing concern from those who walked with me as I left behind a spiritually-abusive hell.<br />
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My history begins with my parents attending the church when I was pre-school age.<br />
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The pastor at the time tried to 'sever ties' with the movement called the 'Body'; being a young child, I didn't understand what this meant.<br />
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There was a woman in the church who was the 'youth-pastor'. I understand this was very 'unusual' for this organization of churches as women were generally repressed and thought brainless.<br />
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I was too young at the time to attend the 'youth' meetings (THANK GOD!!!)<br />
However, the congregation would hear at the Saturday night meetings how 'amazing' the meetings were- they were so 'Spirit'-packed they would last until four in the morning! Oh, holiness was reigning!!<br />
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What they mostly consisted of was the 'youth' minister or her 'favored' young people sensing demons in the other young people and then hours of 'casting' said demons 'out'.<br />
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It is my belief that the Salem witch trials got a great revival in Tampa in the 'West' wing of the church. Had execution been permissible, these 'zealous' 'Christians' would have obliged the world in wiping out a few more heretics!<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/slapshots/2791399974/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Salem Witch by slapshots, on Flickr"><img alt="Salem Witch" height="200" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3065/2791399974_f89976d7df.jpg" width="140" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo by slapshot in flickr</td></tr>
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It is my belief that the Salem witch trials got a great revival in Tampa in the 'West' wing of the church. Had execution been permissible, these 'zealous' 'Christians' would have obliged the world in wiping out a few more heretics!<br />
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When I came out of the church, I heard from the 'young' people who had also left that the senior pastor had repeatedly warned this 'youth' minister that she was not to keep the youth over an hour. So, she told the young people that they would keep the length of the meetings a secret between themselves.<br />
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BIG RED FLAG HERE! Anytime someone wants seemingly 'normal' things kept from those in authority (i.e. when and where meetings occur, length of meetings, who was there, etc.) please do yourself a favor and spread the word- there is danger somewhere.<br />
<a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/#!/2011/06/my-story-cant-you-see-im-dying-part-2.html">Can't You See I'm Dying Part two</a>The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-5740744817904322762012-01-27T16:17:00.000-08:002012-01-27T18:31:06.105-08:00Worth the read: Matthew Paul Turner's "Spiritual Abuse Must Stop"<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/dougportz/401514289/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="candle in palms 2 by I Am Cdn, on Flickr"><img alt="candle in palms 2" height="200" src="http://farm1.staticflickr.com/188/401514289_44717f806d_m.jpg" width="133" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Candle in palm 2" by Cdn in flickr</td></tr>
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Matthew Paul Turner wrote a wonderful article titled <a href="http://bit.ly/zQgM6K">"Spiritual Abuse Must Stop"</a>.
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Worth your time to read, comment, and share with a friend.
Spiritual Abuse is a subject that church leaders must recognize and confront.The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-2689990626565036042012-01-12T17:41:00.001-08:002012-01-12T17:42:49.181-08:00If I could send one message to the cult pastor...it would be this<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/1IAhDGYlpqY" width="560"></iframe>The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-13284433981079015552012-01-10T15:25:00.000-08:002012-01-11T20:00:23.127-08:00Geez-Louise, Cult Peeps and Cult Pastor!?!?! Just Dance!<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/lucreciaphoto/4920691729/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Dance by Lucre Diaz, on Flickr"><img alt="Dance" height="77" src="http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4094/4920691729_8dac026b2b_t.jpg" width="100" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Dance" by Lucre Diaze in flickr</td></tr>
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*WARNING TO ALL MY READERS: I really let lose in this post...please take me and my words with a grain of salt*<br />
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I recently came across an online review of the cult church. The review was comparatively mild and explained angst that commenter felt after overhearing a church authority leader declare outsiders (non-church members) were not welcome in the church if immodestly dressed.
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This was very mild criticism on the part of the commenter, believe you me.
In my time people were shamed from the pulpit if they wore flared skirts. Flared skirts, people! Flared skirts that came BELOW THE KNEE. See example below. <br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/krinn/358292561/" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="flared skirt in blue teal stretch twill by krinn, on Flickr"><img alt="flared skirt in blue teal stretch twill" height="75" src="http://farm1.staticflickr.com/148/358292561_a78090138b_s.jpg" width="75" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Flared" by krinn in Flickr</td></tr>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/lucidrose/4445048579/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Soft Blue Sky long skirt tie dye by lucidRose, on Flickr"><img alt="Soft Blue Sky long skirt tie dye" height="75" src="http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2784/4445048579_6560e53f3c_s.jpg" width="75" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"soft blue sky" by lucidRose in flickr</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
And this long blue skirt on the right would get ya called down from the pulpit as well...too long. (I think it is gorgeous...have one just like it now :)
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But I digress.The mildly critical review was vehemently denounced by (what can only be assumed) a member of the church. The rebuttal included references that the reviewer was going to an extremely heated place.
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*Sigh*. Really, cult peeps? Can't you find something more motivating in life? Something more awesome than writing up foolish dress codes and condemning to hell those who disagree with you?
There is sooooo much more to life! <br />
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You should be dancing EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
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NOT:
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1. ….<span style="background-color: #93c47d;">measuring skirt lengths.</span> (Really?!?! Seriously?!? You can’t come up with a more godly activity?
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2 .…<span style="background-color: #6aa84f;">telling peeps who they can and can't marry.</span> (Once again…REALLY!?!?! SERIOUSLY!?!?!)
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3. ….<span style="background-color: #b6d7a8;">saying when they can go on vacation</span>.
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4. …<span style="background-color: #6aa84f;">when they can’t go on vacation.</span>
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5. ….<span style="background-color: #b6d7a8;">deciding what profession they can pursue.</span>
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6 .….<span style="background-color: #6aa84f;">what books they can read.</span>
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7. …<span style="background-color: #b6d7a8;">what books they can’t read.</span>
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8. ….<span style="background-color: #6aa84f;">crippling people with fear of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE on the outside of your church.</span>
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9. ….<span style="background-color: #b6d7a8;">doing pretty much ANYTHING of the 85% percent of the nonsense that composes your day.</span>
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10. ….<span style="background-color: #38761d;"><span style="background-color: #6aa84f;">Is your life really that pathetic that you have to micromanage others? Or that you have to decimate the message of the grace of the cross? Geez Louise peeps!
Really?!?! Seriously?!?!</span> </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">*sigh #2*</span><br />
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BESIDES a strong desire to shake some sense into you I also wish I could hire a sky writer to put this where you could see it: <br />
I DON'T HATE YOU!<br />
I DON'T WISH YOU ANY HARM OR ILL WILL! <br />
I JUST WISH YOU WOULD STOP HURTING PEOPLE!
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Stop hating the fact that I spoke up against your twisted way of life! Your twisted words needed to be spoken against! In fact, the whole church just needs an intervention!<br />
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You are wasting your time making me a rallying point of hatred (Geez Louise #2!). <br />
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I have moved on with my life…and so should you. Stop using me to spread your fear, hatred and control to the remaining prisoners in your church. <br />
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I’ve moved on from angst-ing over you and the damage you wreaked on me.<br />
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Actually I have found healing to the point that I am thankful for the hard lessons learned from your selfish grasping:<br />
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I learned how to do a hard job and not expect to have monetary gain from it.<br />
I learned how to stick to a thankless task without walking away. <br />
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I am a survivor. I am just <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+18:6&version=NIV;NASB">sorry</a> you were the one to force me to be a survivor.<br />
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I am ready to walk away from the proverbial altar. I no longer bear “aught” against you.<br />
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I just wish you would lay down your “aught” against me and walk away.
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In moving on with my life I have found:
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1. ....<span style="background-color: #f1c232;">mascara </span>does not make your eye balls fall out of your head.
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2. …it’s okay to wear <span style="background-color: #e06666;">shorts and jeans.</span> Your legs don’t fall off.
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3. ….it’s okay to <span style="background-color: #f6b26b;">drink an alcoholic beverage</span> on celebratory occasions. I heartily recommend Grasshoppers.
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4. ….it’s okay<span style="background-color: #e69138;"> to skip church once in a while</span>…especially when you have been an addict to religion.
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5. …it’s okay<span style="background-color: #b45f06;"> to go to theaters.</span> Seriously, people. You watch the exact same movies in your home. I know. I’ve seen you.
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6. …<span style="background-color: #f1c232;">it’s okay to not spend every extra penny you own</span> on unflattering skirts and dowdy shirts. Seriously. Read Vogue once in a while. And stop stealing people’s money to buy your blasé clothes.
7. …it’s okay to <span style="background-color: #bf9000;">be friends with WORLDLY people</span> (Geesh #1)
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8 .…and because time and post space is getting away from me….it’s okay to: <span style="background-color: #a64d79;">make your own choice in marriage</span>, <span style="background-color: #d5a6bd;">listen to “rock Christian music (gasp!),</span> <span style="background-color: #ead1dc;">read the Bible instead of listening to the preacher,</span> <span style="background-color: #c27ba0;">wear bathing suits,</span> <span style="background-color: #a64d79;">wear earrings,</span><span style="background-color: #a64d79;"> blush, and eye liner,</span> <span style="background-color: #ead1dc;">listen to country music (including The Civil Wars…Yippee!),</span><span style="background-color: #d5a6bd;"> root for Roll Tide!</span> <span style="background-color: #c27ba0;">vote democratic,</span> <span style="background-color: #a64d79;">read mystery novels,</span> <span style="background-color: #c27ba0;">and wear pants, earrings, blush, eyeliner to church.</span> <br />
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Seriously. My fingers, legs, ears and eyes are still intact and I have accomplished all but one of the above listed. And if John Huntsman doesn’t make the Republican ticket I will accomplish ALL the listed.
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I really, really hope you are reading this article, cult member, and especially you, cult pastor. <br />
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Because I want to say one last time: I DON'T WISH YOU ANY ILL WILL. I FORGIVE YOU! I just wish for Geez- Louise- Gosh- Smarm its sakes that you would get some freedom and for God's sake DANCE!!!!!
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I don't want to hear that you've hurt one more person and stripped them of their trust in human kind. <br />
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I want to hear things like you have let all the young people in church free to pursue their dreams. <br />
That you have repaid those from whom you have stolen. <br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/thehearttruth/4366193771/" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Red Dress Collection 2010, Top of the Rock Display by The Heart Truth, on Flickr"><img alt="Red Dress Collection 2010, Top of the Rock Display" height="75" src="http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4072/4366193771_c2c754cf70_s.jpg" width="75" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"red dress" by the heart truth in flickr</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
That you have asked forgiveness of those you have hurt.<br />
I want to hear that you have bought a sleeveless red dress and worn it dancing. <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/sergekuznetsov/4345161183/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Tango by aka_serge, on Flickr"><img alt="Tango" height="75" src="http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2800/4345161183_4cf633fd9b_s.jpg" width="75" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"tango" by aka serge in flickr</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Yes, dancing. Make it the tango. <br />
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That you bought a bathing suit and worn it to the beach. <br />
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That you spread the word God isn’t as mean and hateful as you have made Him out to be all these years.
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More importantly...I want to hear that you have sought counseling. Because you are very, very ill. Your illness is destroying those you supposedly "love". You see, if you truly love, you let go. Sounds cliched but it's true You don’t micromanage. You don’t manipulate, lie or steal. You get help because you are a deeply trouble narcissist.
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<span style="background-color: #cc0000; font-size: x-large;">*Snarkiness alert*</span> (because I have been REALLY NICE up till now. Really.) That supposed leak that let word of the "runaway marriage" out? That leak came from someone very, very close to you. Very close. Turn around and they are probably standing right beside you. <br />
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Heh! Heh! Made you look didn’t I? Seriously though. The leak is in your “inner circle”. One of the “hearts of the true church”. <br />
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So do everyone a favor and let that poor little couple actually run away from you and your toxic environment. Stop guilt-ing them that the owe you. They don’t own you one samn thing.
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All the snarkiness aside, I have to tell you that this month is Spiritual Abuse Awareness month. So be careful of any visitors to your church. They might<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exit_counseling"> be cult exit counselors</a> in disguise (okay, okay the snarkiness wasn't totally out of my system. It is now...I promise :)
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Here, my cult peeps and highly controlled, um, (I can't say "geeks" now I can I?!?! I got all my snarkiness out back a paragraph)...um... PEEPS!
...are some articles you should read (you REALLY NEED to read ALL these articles.<br />
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I have commented on a lot of them...you never know what I said in my comments so READ. EVERY. SINGLE. ARTICLE. (and all the comments)
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Best advice I know to get out of your pastor worshipping, fellow- brother- hating slavery: <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Galatians+5:1&version=MSG">here</a>. <br />
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<span style="background-color: #e06666; font-size: large;">God commands you to be free.</span>
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Feel loved: <a href="http://www.quiveringdaughters.com/2010/05/how-does-jesus-love-you-guest-post.html">Read how much Jesus loves you</a> and count the ways (written by the most excellent word smith Eric Pazdziora) Visit Eric's blog on Spiritual Abuse <a href="http://www.ericpazdziora.com/writing/spiritual-abuse-awareness-month/">here</a>.
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Surround yourself with grace: <a href="http://www.quiveringdaughters.com/2010/04/cultic-family-part-i.html">Read</a> Hillary McFarland's grace- filled description of the cult family.
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Lewis Wells <a href="http://thecommandmentsofmen.blogspot.com/2011/04/only-advice-i-know-to-give.html">will give it to you straight</a> with the only advice he knows to give to members of high control group, whether it be a family or a church.
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Elizabeth Esther <a href="http://www.elizabethesther.com/2009/09/dont-trust-your-desperately-wicked-heart-other-fundamentalist-myths.html">writes an awesome blog</a> about that desperately wicked heart that you, oh cult pastor dear, pounded away about prayer meeting after prayer meeting. According to Elizabeth that scripture is a great way for abusers to couch their manipulation.
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Time gets away from me to tell you of the awesome articles written by <a href="http://rachelheldevans.com/">Rachel Held Evans</a>, <a href="http://www.internetmonk.com/">Internet Monk</a>, <a href="http://www.aholyexperience.com/ann-voskamp/">Ann Voskamp</a>, and <a href="http://www.graceisforsinners.com/2011/12/">Serena Woods</a>. I strongly urge you to read them. <br />
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As I noted above, I have commented ALL OVER these blogs. You need to read every single post to see what I might have written.
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Cult member, after reading all these amazing exhortations toward personal autonomy and the freedom to have your own relationship with God...then so be it. Do whatever makes your boat float.
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Cult pastor, why have people's pain on your conscience? Why not let them fly free? You don't need these poor people's adulation to justify your existence. God loves you and will forgive you for your trespasses. As He will forgive us all.
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/20198430@N00/6101602577/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="The trick is to learn to dance in the rain by danette5, on Flickr"><img alt="The trick is to learn to dance in the rain" height="500" src="http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6188/6101602577_46de416fec.jpg" width="331" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"The trick is to learn to dance in the rain" by daneete 5</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
So, geez, cult pastor and cult member...Why don't you just dance? I hope you finally do. Life is just way to short to waste your time spitting at the wind. It’s so much more fun to dance.
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<a href="http://bit.ly/w0T4Iz.qrcode" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://bit.ly/w0T4Iz.qrcode" width="200" /></a></div>The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com2Dade City, FL, USA28.3647248 -82.195917828.3367803 -82.23539980000001 28.3926693 -82.1564358tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-7472041422899666232011-10-07T19:28:00.000-07:002013-03-17T17:50:43.307-07:00Repost: Some Days It's Just a Monster Mash<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/manart/5513630131/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="FRANKENSTEIN by manart303, on Flickr"><img alt="FRANKENSTEIN" height="200" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5180/5513630131_2f3a9af5ec.jpg" width="158" /></a></div>
<span lang="EN"></span><span lang="EN"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In an interview with Focus on the Family author Frank Peretti explained his motivation for writing about monsters. As a child he had a medical condition which turned his tongue an oozing black</span>.</span><span lang="EN"><br />
</span><span lang="EN"></span><br />
<span lang="EN">As children are often the cruelest beings on the planet, Peretti suffered through taunts of being a “monster”. Choosing the positive aspect of a bad situation, he decided to see monsters as “cool” and himself as special in being associated with them.<br />
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This post is in celebration of choosing the positive, and yes, even the humorous aspect of feeling like a freak.<br />
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After living in a fundamental cult for twenty plus years, I escaped into what I thought would be stress-free living. I survived hell on earth- now it was time to lay back and relax, right?<br />
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That might be right for some. And if you are part of that some, congratulations- you have the good life.<br />
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For me and many that I have spoken with, coming out of the cult is the easy part. Living outside of the cult is the true challenge.<br />
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For many, the challenge proves too great and they return to the cult, though it be harsh and unforgiving, at least they understand how it functions.<br />
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I grew up inside the cult, attended the cult’s school, and after graduation was told that I needed to volunteer my time in return for the all the cult had given me.<br />
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When I escaped, and left behind the twisted, haunted laboratory of mind control I discovered that, surprise! I had stunted social skills, an amputated sense of self, and a macabre understanding of what my future would be.<br />
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Like Frankenstein, I raged (mentally, at least) at the perverted mind that amputated my sense of self and hijacked my devotion to God to serve her evil empire.<br />
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I stomped about for a year, howling with anger at whoever I could. I hated parties; they reminded me of a “get-together” at her house. These often included being yelled at in her bedroom (if you were lucky) and in front of everyone (if you weren’t).<br />
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I hated searching for a job. How do you explain away a decade plus that you gave away? How you never finished college because you were too tired to think after forty hours of volunteering, five nights a week of church, and twelve plus hours a week of cleaning on her cleaning crew?<br />
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<span lang="EN">
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/maptitefabrique/4972964611/" title="Picasso by maptitefabrique, on Flickr"><img alt="Picasso " height="200" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4106/4972964611_9d134fdb3b.jpg" width="150" /></a>Honestly, I felt like a Picasso painting walking into a job interview that said, “This is me. My nose is on my chin and my eyes are in my forehead. I don’t know how to make decisions, I think my worth is below minimum wage, and I will never speak up for myself. So, please hire me (if it’s not too inconvenient) I know I’m a freak, just let me scuttle around in the background quietly.”<br />
<br />
Here lies the dividing line. Some well meaning but utterly clueless soul might say that I should believe that God was ‘working a good work’ in my life and in the middle of it all and I should praise my way into joy at this knowledge.<br />
<br />
This is foolish thinking. God did not and never will plan abuse to ‘work His good work in you’. What is at work here is the fact that humanity has free will and a pastor chose to use her position of leadership to satiate her need for control. She placed herself as a god and will, unless she has the good sense to repent, one day stand in judgment for deeds.<br />
<br />
What I do know is that God gives ‘beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning’.<br />
<br />
And so for the Frank Peretti moment of deciding to embrace the experience (not the abuse), acknowledge where I am because of it, and take stock of skills I learned in the proverbial fire.<br />
<br />
<b>As for where I am:</b><br />
<br />
I spent years wishing to know the joys of marriage, for as Luther said there is nothing more comforting than a marriage.<br />
<br />
I met and married a wonderful man a year after leaving the cult. Our paths would not have crossed if I had lived a different life.<br />
<br />
<b>What I have learned:</b><br />
<br />
I am resilient, having lived under extreme stress and oppression.<br />
<br />
I have empathy for others who have experienced abuse or slavery.<br />
<br />
<b>The skills I have acquired:</b><br />
<br />
Endurance in the workplace and a willingness to go the extra mile.<br />
<br />
One ex-cult member showed beautiful perspective in dressing up as the pastor for Halloween. Their motivation was she was the scariest character they could think of.<br />
<br />
It was a perfect statement. She is scary, she is monstrous, but it is she that is the monster, not me.<br />
<br />
I think I will make my statement one Halloween by making a scarecrow that resembles her and hang a sign that reads “This would scare anything”.<br />
<br />
Am I making light of the abuse or the fact that a pastor is in dire moral straits?<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>No. I am doing what many people do with Halloween: Put on a monster mask, confront what you fear, celebrate it for a day and then, move on.</strong></span>
<br />
Till next year. Maybe I’ll dress up as the witch she always accused me of being. After all, I know the hat fits and I’ll wear it.<br />
<br />
On the other hand, is she brave enough to wear her hat? </span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mermaidencreations/5988657338/" title="Pink on Black Witch Hat by mermaiden creations, on Flickr"><img alt="Pink on Black Witch Hat" height="491" src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6127/5988657338_da64406555.jpg" width="500" /></a>
pictures by maptitefabrique, mermaiden creations in flickr
<script src="//assets.pinterest.com/js/pinit.js" type="text/javascript"></script>
<script src="//assets.pinterest.com/js/pinit.js" type="text/javascript"></script>The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com2Dade City, FL, USA28.3647248 -82.195917828.3367803 -82.23539980000001 28.3926693 -82.1564358tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-74886071748815893992011-08-28T13:46:00.000-07:002011-08-28T13:48:28.277-07:00What I am reading....<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/geldenkirchen/4994572999/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Woman reading on a ladder by geldenkirchen, on Flickr"><img alt="Woman reading on a ladder" height="320" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4130/4994572999_fb88266223.jpg" width="235" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo from geldenkirchen's photostream in Flickr</td></tr>
</tbody></table>...Donald Miller. Again. The harsh editorial of women and sexuality was removed from his blog and replaced with an open conversation piece. Much, much more Don Miller-esque style. *Sigh of relief*<br />
<br />
My focus, however, is not the sexuality dialogue.<br />
<br />
It is the provoking post titled <a href="http://donmilleris.com/2011/08/25/being-less-biblical-and-more-like-the-bible/">"Being Less Biblical and More Like the Bible"</a>.<br />
<br />
Don starts by saying:<br />
<blockquote><b>You’ll never see me roll my eyes more than when I’m reading an old-school Christian book. I say “old school” because these books are changing for the better, and by that I mean they are becoming less “biblical” and more “like the Bible” and by this I mean more honest, truthful and written with less pretense or worldly idealism.</b></blockquote>He winds it up with:<br />
<blockquote><b>Even Christ’s biographers depict Him without sparing us His humanity. He gets angry, He gets annoyed, He is hard to understand (and indeed hard to follow) and while He seems to love the world, He’s as alien as E.T., pointing always toward the heavens rambling about going home. It’s brilliant stuff when you stop reading it to figure out if you’re right or wrong about something. It’s life-changing, actually, the way your life gets changed by a friend over time.</b></blockquote><br />
Stunning thought...Don't read the Bible just to prove that you are right and others wrong.<br />
<br />
Thanks, Don. Glad you are back.The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-31039037146349162022011-08-21T00:48:00.000-07:002011-08-21T01:48:03.420-07:00What I am reading....<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/bonnybluearts/4561083010/" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Jane Austen Regency dress in Cream silk and White Cotton Voile by Bonny Blue Arts, on Flickr"><img alt="Jane Austen Regency dress in Cream silk and White Cotton Voile" height="200" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3225/4561083010_c18a30ef49.jpg" width="132" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/bonnybluearts/4561083010/in/photostream/">Bonnie Blue Art</a> in flickr</td></tr>
</tbody></table>...not Donald Miller...for the moment. I am rather (still) steamed at a recent blog that, in my humble opinion, is caricaturing females as morally loose, experiencing "slutty" periods and dependant on men to provide the meaning in her life. Commenter Sydney said it best:<br />
<blockquote><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Donald,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">WHY is a woman made worthy by her sexuality and man by his character and godliness? This is such a tired and harmful characterization that is used repeatedly by male church leaders. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How can you say that men get to write women’s stories? Does a woman not have a story until she meets a man to write it for her?<b></b></span></blockquote> (For more on the story <a href="http://www.elizabethesther.com/2011/08/our-daughters-need-a-new-narrative.html#comments">read Elizabeth Esther's post</a> and Rachel Held Evans' <a href="http://rachelheldevans.com/my-story-is-more-interesting">awesome reply</a>)<br />
<br />
I wish Donald had had the good fortune to read Jane Austen's words in Persuasion before he penned that fateful post:<br />
<br />
<b><i>"...Well, Miss Elliot," (lowering his voice,) "as I was saying we shall never agree, I suppose, upon this point. No man and woman, would, probably. But let me observe that all histories are against you--all stories, prose and verse. If I had such a memory as Benwick, I could bring you fifty quotations in a moment on my side the argument, and I do not think I ever opened a book in my life which had not something to say upon woman's inconstancy. Songs and proverbs, all talk of woman's fickleness. But perhaps you will say, these were all written by men..."</i></b><br />
<br />
If your going to gripe promiscuity, Don, both sexes can be slutty and fickle. Not just the girls.<br />
<br />
Onto a more interesting topic, I am reading a gripping blog titled <a href="http://brokendaughters.wordpress.com/">"Broken Daughters"</a><br />
A quote from the post <a href="http://brokendaughters.wordpress.com/2011/08/15/1995/">1995</a>:<br />
<blockquote><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/meg81382/71018532/" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="little girl with mitt by meg81382, on Flickr"><img alt="little girl with mitt" height="200" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/35/71018532_ca8f8c3ba3.jpg" width="160" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/meg81382/71018532/">meg81382</a> in flickr</td></tr>
</tbody></table><b>"...A woman greets him and by the voice I can tell it’s a nice old lady from our community. She sees me and say “Oh and Lisa is here too! Hello Lisa!” and she looks at me. I look down but she sees it anyway and says “Oh goodness, what happened to Lisa?”. Daddy smiles and says “She was a disobedient brat at the toy store and this is what she got from it.” He sounds really proud when he says it and he pets my head with his hand. The Lady just frowns at me and says “Well it looks really bad, you might have to see a doctor.” and Daddy says “No, she’ll be fine. If she’s repentant, she’ll heal up just fine without a doctor.” They talk a little bit more but not about me and then the Lady leaves..."</b></blockquote>Lewis Wells of <a href="http://thecommandmentsofmen.blogspot.com/2011/08/revising-america-bachmann-style.html">Commandments of Men</a> blog fame has this insight on some recent *ahem* Bachmann developments:<b></b><b></b><br />
<b></b><b></b><br />
<b></b><br />
<b></b><br />
<b><blockquote>...Bachmann was asked about being submissive to her husband during the FoxNews Republican candidate debate on August 11th. She's yet to directly answer that question. Anyone in her campaign with any political savvy knows that if she answers that question honestly and directly, she has NO chance to win the election. Hence, you get half-truths, deflections, and rabbit trails about "respect". The fact of the matter is, few of us feel that someone who can't even lead within her own home is qualified to be the Leader of the Free World. As you can see, the "submission" issue is already grinding the honesty and integrity (assuming some exists) right out of her...</blockquote></b><br />
And to lighten the mood a bit...a humorous quote by Demetri Martin: <br />
<blockquote><b>"Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest."</b></blockquote>I absolutely did NOT laugh quietly to myself while reading Caleb Wilde's post of "<a href="http://www.calebwilde.com/2011/07/funerals-and-cell-phones/">Awkward Ringtones at a Funeral</a>":<br />
<blockquote><b>"...My wife recorded herself yelling, “Mom! Mom! Let me out!” in her mother’s cell phone and then set that as her mom’s cell phone ringtone. Awkward in real life. Extra awkward at a funeral..."</b></blockquote>And lastly but certainly not leastly...a song by the group <b>The Civil Wars</b>...not reading but listening.Over. And Over. And Again.<br />
<br />
Enjoy.<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="300" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/u_ug1R9b3JU" width="480"></iframe><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-64511312739282661982011-06-25T11:23:00.000-07:002011-07-22T17:55:45.409-07:00'Quivering Daughters' reviewed by Christianity Today<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/srbstuff/5031667268/" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="flower girl fun by [stacy benton | photography], on Flickr"><img alt="flower girl fun" height="200" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4146/5031667268_5a24dfd0af.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Flower girl fun" by stacy benton in flickr</td></tr>
</tbody></table>On Thursday my friend Hillary McFarland's book, <em>Quivering Daughters </em>was reviewed by <strong> </strong><a href="http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2011/juneweb-only/quiveringwithfear.html">Gina Dalfonzo</a> on <em>Christianity Today. </em>Dalfonzo says: <br />
<b></b><br />
<b>Many of us tend to react with righteous indignation when we read stories of women in foreign countries denied higher education, the chance to support themselves, and the freedom to live independently and make their own decisions.</b><br />
<br />
<b>How do we react when women are denied those same freedoms here in America—by some of our fellow Christians?</b><br />
<br />
An excellent review that I definitely recommend reading.<br />
<br />
On Thursday Chaplain Mike<a href="http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/follow-up-post-quivering-daughters"> included and expounded</a> on Dalfonzo's review and in a follow discussion of Bill Gothard on Internet Monk.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
At the time of this writing there are 152 comments on the post. My favorite responses are <a href="http://chroniclesofachristianheretic.blogspot.com/">Sandra's of <i>Chronicles of a (Formerly Christian) Heretic</i></a>:<br />
<b></b><br />
<b></b><br />
<b></b><br />
<b><blockquote>Reading Hillary McFarland’s blog was the first time that I considered the religious dysfunction of my childhood as abusive. There was no physical or sexual abuse in my family but we had all the hallmarks of an abusive and addictive family–I’d known that since my college days studying psychology. But I’d never heard of spiritual abuse nor known what identified cultic behavior if it didn’t look like Jim Jones. We were a pretty “normal” fundamentalist evangelical preacher’s family. So why did I have so many issues that looked and felt like an abuse survivor? When I read Hillary’s checklist of a spiritually abusive family, the penny dropped. We had made a cult out of being the preacher’s family. Hillary gave a name to our dysfunction and, with than name, the first step in healing. I will always be grateful for Hillary’s courage to call a spade a spade, and awed that she can do it so graciously–never once saying that everyone who practices XYZ or holds PQR doctrines is necessarily, always saying instead that wherever you are, God is there. Let him find you.</blockquote></b>And <a href="http://www.ericpazdziora.com/">Eric Paździora's</a> (Eric is a contributing writer to Hillary's blog): <b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b></b><b><blockquote>We all remember that our childhood, as lived, was immeasurably different from what our elders saw. Hence Sir Michael Sadler, when I asked his opinion about a certain new experimental school, replied, ‘I never give an opinion on any of those experiments till the children have grown up and can tell us what really happened.’<br />
—C. S. Lewis, “On Three Ways of Writing for Children”<br />
<br />
Which is exactly what we have here. I’m delighted to see this book and its topic getting so much needed attention. (Full disclosure, I’m a regular contributor to the QD blog and was honored to have one of my articles included as a chapter in Hillary’s book. It’s the one about the love of Jesus. Well, one of them.) <br />
<br />
Doctrinally, the Patriarchy/Quiverfull movement is characterized by an unhealthy emphasis on “authority,” which quickly works out to authoritarianism in practice. Putting it next to the teachings of Jesus — “The leaders of the Gentiles lord it over them; not so with you!” — can be eye-popping. How did we ever get from one to the other? <br />
<br />
The most obvious difference between Quivering and “Steadfast Daughters” is that SD is written by doctrinaires trying to persuade us to accept their views, while QD is written by children who lived with those views, grown up and telling us what really happened. It’s striking, especially when those who’ve come out of the movement show grace and mercy to those who perpetrate graceless doctrines. Hope and healing is exactly what’s needed.</blockquote></b><br />
I have also re- posted Hillary's gracious replies to my interview of her in 2010:<br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: #444444;">Would you explain for the unfamiliar reader what a quiverfull family is?</span></i><br />
<br />
The term "quiverfull" is coined from Psalm 127, which states:<br />
<br />
3 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,<br />
The fruit of the womb is a reward.<br />
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,<br />
So are the children of one's youth.<br />
5 Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;<br />
They shall not be ashamed,<br />
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate. <br />
<br />
A quiverfull family believes that the use of birth control to limit family size demonstrates a lack of trust in God's sovereignty. Proponents keep an "open womb" and welcome as many children as God chooses to send, trusting that regardless of the number, He will provide. As a result, some families have a dozen or more, and most adhere to other conservative principles such as homeschooling, stay-at-home daughterhood, courtship, and other home- or family-centered practices.<br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: #444444;">Is there a story behind the book's title, "Quivering Daughters"?</span></i><br />
<br />
Although families vary in belief and degrees of this lifestyle, some of the more conservative ones follow a trend rapidly on the rise within many homeschooling circles ~ a doctrine commonly known as Biblical Patriarchy. This belief system uses Scripture to justify many practices that, as time shows, unwittingly results in serious spiritual and emotional abuse. While certainly not prevalent in every quiverfull home, increasing numbers of children reach adulthood struggling with severe depression, suicidal ideation, and self-injurious behavior. Many struggle understanding the true heart of God and His love and grace; others view the Bible not as words of life but as "the bat used to beat them." Debilitating levels of control (see The BITE Model by Steven Hassan for a realistic peek into the day to day reality for many of these children) raise adults grappling with fear, shame, guilt, inability to make decisions, and other crippling emotional and mental struggles. These fruits reveal that something has gone terribly wrong. It's true that parents have every good intention in raising faithful, godly children ~ and some succeed beautifully. However, many are left desperate and aching, and God has called me to minister to adult daughters from these kinds of households. "Quivering" is a twist on the term "quiverfull" with an added, fear-based connotation. Because my calling includes offering them the messages of hope and healing that He has given me, it seemed appropriate to include them in the title. <br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: #444444;">I am sure there were many inspirations that melded together in the conception and if you will- birth of your book. Was there one account or story, aside from your own, that you thought of as you wrote?</span></i><br />
<br />
While my book includes some of my experiences, it features myriad stories from other girls, too...ones I met or corresponded with throughout my research; brave women yearning to discover the grace and freedom found in Jesus. They long to reach out to others with similar experiences, and while the process has been agonizing for them at times, all of the ones who share their stories in the book believe it's important for awareness to be raised and for this "dark side" of Christian fundamentalism, if you will, to be exposed. The beauty of it is that almost every one of them is desperate to know Jesus more fully! Although they've been labeled rebellious or fallen away, have been excommunicated from their families, told they are going to hell...they are hungry for the Lord. They want to know Him, they want to come back to life. They have inspired me, and they are my heroines of the faith. And they are the ones I thought of as I wrote...I wanted to write what I wish I had found so many years ago...comfort, encouragement, and Biblical messages of grace.<br />
<br />
<b>As Hillary and I spoke I realized we had mutual acquaintances: Fear and Guilt.<br />
In my ex-church fear of God's rejection was a great motivational tool of the pastor. Didn't agree with her sermon? God would reject you for 'touching his anointed'.<br />
Show up late for a church work night? Shame on you! How could you disrespect the house where God's word was so freely shared!</b><br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: #444444;">In your experience, Hillary, and the life accounts you've heard, how were fear and guilt wielded to manipulate?</span></i><br />
<br />
It amazes me how similar and familiar these stories are! For example, I've received email after email detailing how girls learned that getting a driver's license could lead to being numbered, the forerunner for the Mark of the Beast in Revelation ~ one of the most deadly fears of all. Rigid fear of feminism led to constantly checking attitudes and emotions...not that this isn't important, but rather than an emphasis on abiding in the vine and letting the Holy Spirit bring forth good fruit, a spirit of fear reigned instead.<br />
<br />
When one is controlled by fear, or uses fear to control, certain behaviors can be expected. We learn what we "should do" and what we "shouldn't do". Manipulators use shame, then, even if they don't realize it, as a powerful tool of coercion. Yet it's the most subtle ~ because we feel guilty enough on our own. Years after I married, I would still hear my parents' voices in my head telling me what was "right" or "wrong". When I read the Bible quietly to myself, it was always my dad's voice speaking the words in my head. Many times I couldn't even move; I remember feeling overwhelming guilt many times because, for example, once I hadn't managed my time well and needed to decide what was more important at that moment: starting dinner or putting a load of laundry into the washer. I literally froze in place and became engulfed in a huge wave of shame and wanting to kill myself ~ over simple household tasks! I couldn't even breathe while both my brain and my body completely locked up. This response is not normal. Learning where the roots are is no simple task, but with God's help is so freeing. Healing from false guilt is truly, literally, a life-changing experience.<br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: #444444;">When we talked, you mentioned the mis-interpretation of the Scripture in Philippians that speaks to 'dying to self'. In my old church the pastor defined what dying to the flesh entailed. Her definitions ranged from not getting married if she said "no" to the match to giving up one's house for her guests at her demand. Did you experience similar circumstances of scripture so humanly and severely defined?</span></i><br />
<br />
For many daughters of patriarchy, these things are interpreted for us. If we express something that someone in authority might not agree with or think is important or of God, it becomes material for self-denial: "You just need to die to the flesh." However, "flesh" often automatically means every want or desire because we learn that it isn't possible to want something and it be a holy want ~ that since our flesh is carnal, naturally any "desire" is of the flesh and therefore sinful. But of deeper gravity, depending on the convictions of ones in authority, "flesh" can also be applied to the very real calling of God! This creates severe spiritual dissonance, for as women raised to seek God, study the Bible, and develop a deeper relationship with Him do hear from Him...to then have a pastor or parent discredit God's words jeopardizes her relationship with Him. It's one thing to seek godly advice, but many women have told me of callings they were sure God gave them, only to be told by a father, "I am God's mouthpiece for you," or that "God wouldn't tell you anything without confirming it through me", or "God has ordained it for the father to hear God's word and vision for the family, and to relay it to each member." Keep in mind we aren't talking about children, but sincere, God-fearing women from their late teens to late thirties.<br />
<br />
<b>We also discovered in our conversation that in both our situations the 'end of the world' was much talked about. In the abusive church people testified "No use in going to college- Jesus is coming!" The Mark of the Beast was said to be the goal of every electronic evolution. The pastor preached that in the near future we (the cult) wouldn't be able to get food because the government would only sell to those with the beast's mark. In my case it lead to a dreadful state of anxiety that I still deal with on a daily basis.</b> <br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: #444444;">How did this sense futility affect you?</span></i><br />
<br />
In addition to deep fear, it led to severe depression and malaise. Why bother doing anything? It didn't matter, anyway. Why have hobbies? Why finish a project? Why have interests, why invest in ourselves...anything other than spiritually investing, or with end-times in sight, wasn't necessary. We knew what was important ~ the souls of dying men. Being a witness.We learned that we would probably be killed for our faith. That martial law would take over the nation. That we would be tortured. I used to pray that I would be killed for my faith! I've learned since that sometimes it can be much harder to live for it.<br />
<br />
By all of this, I don't mean to say that there weren't things I enjoyed doing, or things that we didn't do things that were fun or memorable...but anything I did enjoy became ridden with guilt. It's such a brutal cycle. <br />
<br />
<i>Why does the quiverfull daughter (who is abused) stay in the destructive situation?</i><br />
<br />
There are several reasons. Sometimes they are practical ~ knowing what it takes in normal, day to day life regarding things like how to pay bills, how to drive a car, how to make decisions. Or not having finances or a car or place to go. Sometimes it's a sense of loyalty. Most often it is fear. The fears used to keep many of these women from taking steps to leave a hurtful situation vary in extreme, but some are really terrible: that she has left God, will go to hell, will become a prostitute. That she is deceived. That she is hurting her family out of her own selfishness. One of the saddest reasons is that sometimes these women believe they deserve the pain because they are so wicked, and this is how they are sanctified. Because they love the Lord and want to be holy and righteous, and they want to turn the other cheek, lay down their lives, and die to the flesh, they remain.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #444444;"><i>What would you say to a young woman who has just realized she is in a situation that takes away her God-given autonomy?</i> </span><br />
<br />
First of all, pray. Pray for wisdom, discernment, and direction. Autonomy is a very convoluted subject because patriarchal daughters are taught to consider autonomy to be feministic, selfish, and worldly. She needs to be certain that it is God, in fact, who is leading and teaching her...because it will be very hard on both an emotional and practical level to take necessary steps. If she is certain that God calls her, this will keep her going when life becomes harder. Also, pray for Him to make a way, as well as to send godly people for support and help. Second, commit to Truth...which can be very difficult sometimes, because denial will say, "It's not that bad," "It's not like I am being beaten or anything," "Maybe I really am fallen away," and other things that will bring confusion to what God has revealed. Third, be gentle to yourself. Sometimes learning something that goes against all we've been taught is excruciating. When we make mistakes, we say ~ see! I AM bad. I AM rebellious. I AM evil. However, mistakes are necessary for learning, and our Redeemer is with us and can make all things new, right, and beautiful. Learn to have grace on yourself even as you learn of God's grace. Stay soft to Him. Let Him convict and draw you. And don't give up ~ He who has begun a good work in you will be faithful to complete it!The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-764642841934189972011-06-13T18:26:00.000-07:002011-06-13T18:27:51.534-07:00Tuesday's Links<a href="http://thecommandmentsofmen.blogspot.com/2011/06/one-year.html">Commandments of Men</a> celebrated one year on June 11th! Thank you for all you have done, Lewis.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/spool32/5045502202/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Birthday Cake by Will Clayton, on Flickr"><img alt="Birthday Cake" height="212" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4150/5045502202_1d867c8a41.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo by will clayton in flickr</td></tr>
</tbody></table>A classic quote from <a href="http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/on-being-too-god-centered">Imonk Michael Spencer</a>:<br />
<blockquote>"I am sad to say this, but there is a point at which the relentless God-centeredness of some believers makes them into the adversaries and almost the enemies of much that is good in human life. They become the enemies of normal, especially in the lives of young people, creative people and people who feel that life in this world is good and shouldn’t be devalued by religion."</blockquote>Eric and Carrie Pazdziora with their friend Jenna Satterthwaite have formed a wonderful band named <a href="http://www.thornfieldmusic.com/">Thornfield.</a> Beautiful!<br />
<br />
And my favorite dude, <a href="http://www.garfield.com/comics/vault.html?yr=1996&addr=961120">Garfield</a>....The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-57277536005104926922011-06-04T17:58:00.000-07:002011-06-05T04:29:54.139-07:00Fresh Perspective: Guest Post by Eric Buckner<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenniferschwalm/471313150/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Praying hands by Jenniferschwalm, on Flickr"><img alt="Praying hands" height="320" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/232/471313150_e096e8dda4.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo by Jenniferschwalm in flickr</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Being a convert means that I have seen both sides of the coin. <br />
<br />
I have seen how Protestant look at God and now I have seen how Catholics look at God. I'd love to give you examples of how I each. <br />
<br />
The first two examples of the religious divide are taken straight from the Mary's Foundation's: <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1307234544_0">The Rosary</span> and <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1307234544_1">Divine Mercy Chaplet</span> CD that I love and it really changed my perspective on how God is viewed.<br />
<br />
Imagine with me please, two different people pass away and go to Heaven, they are both Christian, one being a Catholic and the other a Protestant. <br />
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The first steps into the <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1307234544_2">throne room</span> of God. There is a diamond-studded carpet, tapestries on the walls, hundreds of people talking and getting along with one another, <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1307234544_3">stained glass windows</span>, beautiful music playing in the background, flowers in glorious crystal vases everywhere, and at the center of the room is a resplendent king in fantastic silk and fur robes.<br />
<br />
The second person enters his throne room of God and the first thing he notices is that he is walking on a concrete slab, there are nothing on the walls, there are no windows, and there is no music or people around, but in the middle of the room is a king on a folding chair, wearing a cotton bath robe.<br />
<br />
Now, my question to you is which king is more glorious? The king that lavishes beauty on whatever and whoever He touches or the one that is so jealous of His own glory that he can't stand the fact that we get caught up in admiring a painting or statue devoted towards Him for one single second? <br />
<br />
Certainly the first one. The second king is more of the protestant model. The protestant king seems to be more narcissistic in His view of Himself, so that anything that diverts attention away from Him, even if it was made in His honor, will cause sin. <br />
<br />
I say to you however, that God created all things to be our tools.<br />
<br />
In addition, He blessed us with artistic ability to showcase our love for Him and certainly everything created for His Glory is undoubtedly beautiful to Him. If a child that adores you draws you a picture, do you not want to post it on the refrigerator?<br />
<br />
If the husband/wife you truly love serenades you with romance in their heart, do you brashly tell them to shut up? No, you want to listen! <br />
<br />
And you want to tell others about your love, maybe even secretly, make them a little jealous of what you have. <br />
<br />
I didn't realize this until I started going to a <span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1307234544_4">Catholic Church</span>, but look at the grounds of a Catholic Church, there are gardens, statues, bells, benches, stained glass, sun roofs, and all kinds of decorative items on display. <br />
<br />
The architecture is typically remarkable, with slants and eaves, some even have built in pools. <br />
<br />
Conversely, look at your typical protestant church, normally built like a large tool shed. There are only shrubs, normally, maybe a walkway. If its a rich or largely attended church, its big, if not its small, but its always bland. <br />
<br />
Wouldn't God want us to show Him honor?<br />
<br />
A man falls in desperate love with a woman, he feels that he can't live without her. He tells her almost at the first part of their relationship that he loves her and he wants to know everything there is to know about her.<br />
<br />
Although, he doesn't want to know where she comes from, doesn't want to meet any of her family or friends, and doesn't want to have anything to do with her past. <br />
<br />
Doesn't that seem a little odd to you? If you were the girl, would you not be a little bit put off by the whole apathetic spiel? I mean, our personalities are the way they are because of the people we know and the experiences we have.<br />
<br />
In order to know Christ better, wouldn't you want to get to know the people who were directly shaped by Him?<br />
<br />
How often is it that you run into a humble man that upon instantly meeting him, starts talking about himself to no end? <br />
<br />
Isn't it more likely that a humble man will pull out his wallet and start talking to you about his wife and kids? Don't you think that Jesus would be the same way? He was humble, you know. If you met him today, perhaps he would take out his wallet and show you the picture of His mom and dad and the friends He was closest to in His life. <br />
<br />
Would you tell him to shut up? If you're taking the time to read this, odds are you wouldn't.<br />
<br />
One of the things that we must avoid as ex-cult members is becoming the narcissists that we have began to loathe. <br />
<br />
Do not be afraid to look in different directions of Christianity. <br />
<br />
After those that leave a cult want to come back to Christ, start looking at the big picture of the Bible. <br />
<br />
<span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1307234544_5">The Gospel</span> is all inclusive of the Bible. It is all real, not just the parts that cult leader wanted you to believe.The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-18416965704302174952011-06-04T17:08:00.000-07:002011-06-13T16:44:11.733-07:00My Story: Can't you see I'm dying (Part Five of life in a Dade City cult)<a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-story-cant-you-see-im-dying-part.html">My story: Can't you see I'm dying (part four)</a><br />
I could go on and on, for a decade, and not tell every nasty, horrific thing that happened.<br />
<br />
Since that is not my purpose in recounting all these incidents, I won’t try.<br />
<br />
My purpose is to speak the truth, for as the Bible says, "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free".<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
That is my hope- that all members of this Dade City church or any other spiritually abusive church will be free of the lies and horrors that have been perpetrated on them, or that they have perpetrated on others.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlXKc3jLPmZh9wKb4XdCMyo-FCLS-EXRzmOU2UhuZPm_hYBR4YSVw95i_72pmkB8bJ7K5iv3YmgQP3IyPbCmng6Rn5uCrJQnXcphTKb5plSLpG0kCiJxP2DzmR1-dYdTpAgyhDAc7c0NQ/s1600/The+Cult+Next+door+try+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="94" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlXKc3jLPmZh9wKb4XdCMyo-FCLS-EXRzmOU2UhuZPm_hYBR4YSVw95i_72pmkB8bJ7K5iv3YmgQP3IyPbCmng6Rn5uCrJQnXcphTKb5plSLpG0kCiJxP2DzmR1-dYdTpAgyhDAc7c0NQ/s320/The+Cult+Next+door+try+4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
As a family member of mine put it, "No one walks away from a situation like that without guilt. We all came away from the church with cookie crumbs on our faces".<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><u><strong>If you are a member of a controlling church reading this, know that there is God and life away from the cult you are trapped in.</strong></u></span><br />
<br />
There are arms of forgiveness waiting to help you down the path of freedom and into the arms of the true God- not the god that a crazed narcissistic woman has dreamed up.<br />
<br />
Find help!<br />
<br />
Yes, there is life after that church.<br />
<br />
I hope there will be justice, also.<br />
<br />
As it says in Amos 5:24, <u><strong><span style="color: #4c1130; font-size: x-large;"></span></strong></u><br />
<u><strong><span style="color: #4c1130; font-size: x-large;"></span></strong></u><br />
<u><strong><span style="color: #4c1130; font-size: x-large;"></span></strong></u><br />
<u><strong><span style="color: #4c1130; font-size: x-large;"><blockquote>"But let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream".</blockquote></span></strong></u>God knows and he cares.<br />
As I and others have said before-<strong><u><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></u></strong><br />
<strong><u><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></u></strong><br />
<strong><u><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></u></strong><br />
<strong><u><span style="font-size: x-large;"><blockquote>"There is life after a controlling church."</blockquote></span></u></strong>I was very, incredibly blessed in that I had a group of family and friends waiting for me when I came out of the church.<br />
I also had the help of a wonderful psychiatrist.<br />
<br />
He talked to my whole family for over three hours.<br />
<br />
As we told him as much of our story as we could in the space of three hours, he told us that, based on our information, the pastor most likely has an Antisocial Personality Disorder. As I read over the many testimonies on this site, I began to wonder if that was a disorder in many of the other leaders.<br />
<br />
Or was it just that, as in many cults, the congregation took on the cult leader’s personality.<br />
<br />
As I read over the symptoms of antisocial behavioral characteristics, it was as if I was reading about most of the church: i.e.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>1. Refuses to meld to accepted common social behaviors- total disregard to what is "lawful" and "law-abiding". (</strong><em>Everything the pastor says is "right" and "God’s Word". Church members have lied, cheated, renounced family because it was "God’s will"</em><strong>).</strong></span><br />
<strong><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span></strong><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>2. No remorse when others are injured by one’s actions. (</strong><em>It was ‘God’s will’ that a young man committed suicide.)</em></span><br />
<strong><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span></strong><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>3. Repeated lying perfected methods of deceitfulness. (</strong><em>The pastor would take other people’s stories and make them her own. When confronting my family member about a letter their ‘defected’ sibling sent them, she lied and said "God had revealed it to her in a dream". He hadn’t- I had told her of it the day before.</em></span><br />
<br />
As I mentioned before, the congregation is eerily ‘taking on’ these behaviors- they have become their own twisted version of this pastor.<br />
<br />
As I am on my journey of healing and learning to live anew, I find myself looking back over the progress of seven months.<br />
<br />
When I first left the cult, I was not emotionally healthy. In fact, I was an absolute wreck mentally, emotionally, and most likely physically as well.<br />
<br />
I would have panic attacks in the new wonderful church I was attending.<br />
<br />
I had thought that if I could just leave, just get away from the horrific situation- all would well all at once.<br />
<br />
Now, don’t misunderstand me- I was immediately relieved from the abuse.<br />
<br />
When the abuse left, however, a healing process had to take its place.<br />
<br />
A healing process that included a rage I hadn’t thought I was capable of, as well as mourning for the ‘lost’ years of exclusively doing a human’s will, not God’s.<br />
I believe, and will continue to put my trust in Romans 8:28- <strong><span style="font-size: x-large;">"…All things work together for GOOD to those who love HIM…"</span></strong><br />
<br />
He promises ALL THINGS- all the rejection, rage, hurt… and the list goes on forever.<br />
<br />
When I look back on twenty-four years of mental torture, I think of pain and rejection. <br />
<br />
As I look back farther and deeper, however, I also think of a few miraculous facts:<br />
<br />
1. I have no family at all left in that cult.<br />
2. God always, always let me know somehow, someway that He loved me.<br />
3. There was always someone there when I needed them most. <br />
<br />
There are two I remember with all the gratitude in my heart: Scott, who, as <br />
<br />
I cleaned the business he worked at, would tell me how special and beautiful I was. After living in the desert of total rejection all week-and then to come in to see someone smile at you and mean it, and give you a brotherly hug when you looked down- it was like an amazing rainstorm of hope and joy drenching your soul. I hope that somewhere, somehow, Scott will know that he helped keep a despairing soul from ending it all.<br />
<br />
God bless you, Scott.<br />
<br />
Then there was Randy, who while on active duty in Iraq, e-mailed me hope and strong encouragement, till I had the strength to leave the terror behind.<br />
<br />
You are the brother of my soul, Randy. If God were to bless you a third of what you blessed me, the world could not contain it. <br />
<br />
You were the hands of Christ to my life.<br />
<br />
Behold what God has done! It is marvelous to my eyes!"The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com5Dade City, FL, USA28.3647248 -82.19591780000001828.3350888 -82.233175800000012 28.3943608 -82.158659800000024tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-87120504168154618582011-06-04T16:48:00.000-07:002011-06-13T16:45:59.196-07:00My story: Can't you see I'm dying (Part Four of life in a Dade City cult)<a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-story-cant-you-see-im-dying-part-2_04.html">My story: Can't you see I'm dying (Part Three) click here</a><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoMVaNg3f7t7ENB2ywwT_XFtWAUP0eMkd_cWpllspYgB3zuuQUJfiHnM9qCQgLrpmuorEMxiDCOm-l7vE02y3wnkpxsI7khA0P-Aa2eViUxYG8tQSARt38AllI0uqWgY7JZ8yyd1PfGRI/s1600/The+Cult+Next+door+try+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="94" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoMVaNg3f7t7ENB2ywwT_XFtWAUP0eMkd_cWpllspYgB3zuuQUJfiHnM9qCQgLrpmuorEMxiDCOm-l7vE02y3wnkpxsI7khA0P-Aa2eViUxYG8tQSARt38AllI0uqWgY7JZ8yyd1PfGRI/s320/The+Cult+Next+door+try+4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>In 1996, a boy shot himself after having been yelled at by her.<br />
<br />
I heard that there was a suicide note- but it was destroyed before the police could find it.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
She told the church that it was "God's will" that this young man ended his life- obviously, God had "arranged' it to happen because he (the young man) would have defected from the church and "God saved him from this fate".<br />
<br />
As I sit here and write this I can hardly keep from screaming. To blame this tragedy on a loving, caring Creator makes me hope she burns in hell for eternity.<br />
<br />
There, I finally said it. My prayer is that God has mercy on her as He had on me; and in His mercy which is equally justice I hope that she finds out what the Scripture means about it being better to tie a millstone about one's self than to offend a little one.<br />
<br />
I have heard from many other people, some of them still in their teens, that suicide was often the solution that seemed the easiest.<br />
<br />
For about a year, it seemed the easiest solution to me, also.<br />
<br />
There comes a place and time when you feel so 'dead' after all the yelling, lies, and rejection that it seems a good idea to just make it true.<br />
<br />
If you are reading this and you feel that you would be at 'peace' if you could 'end' it all- PLEASE DON'T! THERE IS HOPE! Talk to a councilor, a real pastor, family member, somebody, anybody!<br />
You are loved by God! You are a special creation- this world needs you in it- so, please, GET HELP! YOU ARE WORTH IT!<br />
<br />
When my family of ex-church members get together and talk over all our experiences, we all agree on one thing: Thank God there wasn’t sexual abuse.<br />
<br />
As I read back through all the accounts of sufferers, I mourn for those who were victimized that way. May God grant them justice and peace.<br />
<br />
Today I opened the Bible I had used in the Dade City church days- in it were some ‘sermon’ notes I had scribbled during services.<br />
<br />
As I sat by one of the ‘favored’ people, I had to pretend to scribble vigorously every fascinating, ‘God-inspired’ word out of her mouth, or be ratted on, then yelled at, etc.<br />
<br />
One of the things I managed to scribble in between the words of "Worldly, Worldly thoughts and desires!" was this: "It will be a cold day in Hell before I testify again!"<br />
<br />
I actually was able to laugh about it- thank God the absurdity of the situation overrode the pain!<br />
I had been accused of being prideful because of quoting Lucado.<br />
<br />
She had become so twisted that in the week before I left, she told the church that there was no need of reading the Bible, everyone just needed to listen to, and I quote, "The Word of God over the pulpit".<br />
<br />
There was also the times when God would "reveal" things about different members divinely to her.<br />
<br />
The actual trick to it all wasn’t all that mystical: she had her home and the church phone tapped.<br />
<br />
I found out because I heard two of the young women (who lived at her house) talking together about how you should be careful about what you said on the church phone. Another friend found a tape in the church storage room in which the pastor ranted on and on about different members of the church.<br />
<br />
I have also heard that different members of the church were sent to spy on each other to see if anyone had a TV hidden in their house. Only the pastor was allowed to have one- the flock didn’t have enough moral control to be responsible viewers!<br />
<br />
And then there were the services where the "Dreams" were revealed!<br />
<br />
She would have dreams about different members- in which ‘God’ revealed the member’s heart to her.<br />
<br />
My heart was full of leprosy- because I was of the --- family.<br />
<br />
I knew I was in for a bad time when she would glare at me from her seat behind the pulpit. She would stare at you in the most hateful way, all the while moving her lips. You knew she was ‘praying out’ the evil spirits that had taken residence in your soul.<br />
<br />
And there were also the prayer meetings in which she asked God to bring an 'end' to those who had defected from the church.<br />
<br />
I don't know what it sounds like to you, but to my understanding, she was asking God to kill them because they had the gall to disagree with her.<br />
<br />
And then there was the evil sexuality of the flock!<br />
<br />
As much as the woman thought about sex, she should have owned an adult store- maybe she could have put all that thought time to use.<br />
<br />
I remember one time a family member and myself were being berated in her office for talking to a ‘rebellious’ member. In the middle of her tirade, she brought up the fact that one of her ‘favored’ members could no longer have sex with his wife because of medicine- induced<br />
impotency.<br />
<br />
I could never figure out what his impotency and talking to rebellious church members had to do with each other- like I even cared about someone else’s sex life. It was none of my business, and more importantly, none of hers.<br />
<br />
She accused everybody of lust, heterosexual and homosexual.<br />
<br />
If all her accusations were true, that church was the biggest group of lustful, wife-swapping, incestuous pedophiles under one roof.<br />
<br />
During song service, she would walk up to different young people and say she saw ‘lust demons’ coming out of their eyes. Therefore, the poor humiliated people had to be ‘prayed’ through the clutch of their evil and there had better be some ‘coughing up’ of some demons into napkins if you ever wanted to get out of church that night.<br />
<br />
As she was morally responsible for all these young lives, it was up to her to pick the young people’s mates for them. And you better take her choice and be grateful for it!<br />
<br />
Thank God the young man she ‘picked’ for me fought her decision. There were never two more incompatible people on the face of this earth- we would have divorced in a year.<br />
<br />
Young people were discouraged from pursuing college- Christ was coming back in the next year or the year after that and there just wasn’t time for a degree!<br />
<br />
What there was time for was cleaning her five, six, seven, or even more buildings, all the while maintaining a regular forty hour job.<br />
<br />
I remember at one time when she had seven offices that had to be cleaned bi-weekly. These buildings were up to forty miles apart and had to be cleaned in the same day.<br />
<br />
To my knowledge, no one was ever paid a regular salary for doing this work.<br />
<br />
Oh, and did I mention that she would ‘help-out’ only about ten times a year?<br />
<br />
I would love to send her a bill for fifteen years of hard work.<br />
<br />
Actually, I would love to see her have to do backbreaking work for someone else at no pay.<br />
<br />
Let me not forget those poor souls who did ‘God’s work’ in the church-school. I really don’t know how it (the school) is still up and running. There are so many rules and laws being broken that surely some state or federal office is aware of it somewhere.<br />
<br />
What makes me most infuriated, however, is the mental and emotional torture the older students are put through.<br />
<br />
I’m not talking about church member older students, but rather NON-member students.<br />
<br />
I have heard of two girls (thirteen and fifteen) who were pulled into the office and told to stop their lesbian activities.<br />
<br />
Another boy was taken aside during a competition trip and asked point blank if he and another male student had had sex because the door was partially closed between their room and the supervisor’s room.<br />
<br />
Two brothers were also made to change rooms because they supposedly were also engaging in bedroom activities.The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com8Dade City, FL, USA28.3647248 -82.19591780000001828.3350888 -82.233175800000012 28.3943608 -82.158659800000024tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-91167360430024511202011-06-04T16:32:00.000-07:002011-06-13T16:41:47.854-07:00My story: Can't you see I'm dying (Part 3 of life in a Dade City cult)<a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-story-cant-you-see-im-dying-part-2.html">My Story: Can't you see I'm dying (Part 2) click here</a><br />
<br />
She came to my house at 10:00 that night and told my parents that they had to come to the school for a conference.<br />
<br />
In the office, she called me a 'female dog in heat' (a bitch) lusting after the boys and leading them into sin. She said she could see the lust demons coming out of my eyes and that I needed to be whipped to save my soul.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
She took my dad's belt and whipped me, telling me to pray at the same time that God would save me from my lust.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/99996011@N00/421247103/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Statue . Sculpture . Cemetery (Blanche) by Tiquetonne2067, on Flickr"><img alt="Statue . Sculpture . Cemetery (Blanche)" height="200" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/168/421247103_8a303531d2.jpg" width="133" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo byTiquetonne2670 in flickr</td></tr>
</tbody></table>I could hardly hold my head up for days.<br />
<br />
And in such a manner, life carried on.<br />
<br />
Anytime she came into the school, I would cower in my 'cubicle', pretending to be busy, so I didn't have to talk to her.<br />
<br />
Usually this just got me in trouble: I obviously had something to 'hide'.The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-24826174818499041942011-06-04T16:17:00.000-07:002011-06-13T16:40:52.549-07:00My story: Can't you see I'm dying (Part 2 of life in a Dade City cult)<em><a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-story-life-in-dade-city-cult-part.html">For Part 1 click here</a></em><br />
<br />
Time elapsed, and the senior pastor found out that he was dying of cancer. He elected a young man to take the church- believing he was circumventing this woman 'youth' minister from taking power.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixSaJ82MtUC1Kvq-Kuk0y4B9lhyE5_H46MpGM0dK34cgb3oWI_rMzkoM0G9I3XJBtElluEfKEHbM9d6wP-0kkSREcumptra1tLsfmiSs5jAit3lJ3lvLOuzLUufzPUMwz9yaamxxWdCZU/s1600/The+Cult+Next+door+try+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="94" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixSaJ82MtUC1Kvq-Kuk0y4B9lhyE5_H46MpGM0dK34cgb3oWI_rMzkoM0G9I3XJBtElluEfKEHbM9d6wP-0kkSREcumptra1tLsfmiSs5jAit3lJ3lvLOuzLUufzPUMwz9yaamxxWdCZU/s320/The+Cult+Next+door+try+4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
There are events and happenings, layers of story that would take me days and hours to recount. If I have the time, I will come back to this part of the story in the second section.<br />
<br />
Suffice to say, the woman took control of the church.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
Almost twenty years later, the pure hell of this event still affects people's lives.<br />
<br />
She was pastor of the church and principal of the 'church' school that now resided in Dade City, Florida.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/chascar/476475563/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="STORM CLOUD by chascar, on Flickr"><img alt="STORM CLOUD" height="150" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/187/476475563_df38df134f.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo by chascar in flickr</td></tr>
</tbody></table><strong></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Almost twenty years later, the pure hell of this event still affects people's lives.</span></strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
One of the most debilitating things that stand out in my mind was when I was thirteen.<br />
<br />
<br />
The school had a very stringent 'six-inch' rule between the sexes- of course I see the wisdom in this, but in this abusive environment the interpretation of this rule actually was:<br />
THOU SHALT NOT EVEN LOOK AT THE OPPOSITE SEX, YOU LUSTFUL, CRAVEN CREATURE!<br />
NO SITTING AT THE SAME LUNCH TABLE WITH MEMBERS OF THE MALE SEX!<br />
IF THOU TALK WITH MEMBERS OF SAID OPPOSITE SEX, MONITORS AND SUPERVISORS WILL SIT IN THE OFFICE AND WHISPER TO EACH OTHER WHILE GIVING THOU EVIL GLARES.<br />
<br />
And you can be sure the principal will be called and told what a sex-maniac you are.<br />
<br />
A group of the girls were playing a clapping game called "Miss Mary Mack". The game consisted of children standing in a circle and taking turns clapping each other's hands in fast succession while reciting a rhyme.<br />
(As you can tell, obviously someone pulled this game straight out of the kinkiest dating sex secrets section from Playboy)<br />
<br />
We (the girls) were a few people short to form a circle. I called to one the boys and ask him to come help us making the circle (where my brain was I'll never know- I should have known by then what happened to those who touched boys.<br />
<br />
I was reported to the principal.The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-24161900326523987232011-06-04T15:17:00.000-07:002013-03-18T15:21:05.671-07:00My story: Life in a Dade City Cult (Part One)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><img alt="Church Survivors" src="http://wineandmarble.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/SpiritualAbuseWeek.jpg" /></span></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;"></span></b> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">I was part of a Tampa/Dade City church for twenty-four years. If I sat at this computer for a year and typed continuously, I couldn't begin to record the horror perpetrated on me and those I love.</span></b></div>
<b></b><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_2CFcU1JFAWcG9Wzv7j0exLsP3Waoe-PpJMqoHRkLYOKMmxNacoVjQVusw551YmwAhPq3rnzmKVRMhcI_McroqnYMgFxIPr46SSN0vS7OvJj6TDkVIsQTrdmG8nUHnZzJ3Q0-QjZ69LM/s1600/The+Cult+Next+door+try+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="92" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_2CFcU1JFAWcG9Wzv7j0exLsP3Waoe-PpJMqoHRkLYOKMmxNacoVjQVusw551YmwAhPq3rnzmKVRMhcI_McroqnYMgFxIPr46SSN0vS7OvJj6TDkVIsQTrdmG8nUHnZzJ3Q0-QjZ69LM/s320/The+Cult+Next+door+try+4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
At the same time, I have experienced God's amazing deliverance from destructive cult and the amazing concern from those who walked with me as I left behind a spiritually-abusive hell.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
My history begins with my parents attending the church when I was pre-school age.<br />
<br />
The pastor at the time tried to 'sever ties' with the movement called the 'Body'; being a young child, I didn't understand what this meant.<br />
<br />
There was a woman in the church who was the 'youth-pastor'. I understand this was very 'unusual' for this organization of churches as women were generally repressed and thought brainless.<br />
<br />
I was too young at the time to attend the 'youth' meetings (THANK GOD!!!)<br />
However, the congregation would hear at the Saturday night meetings how 'amazing' the meetings were- they were so 'Spirit'-packed they would last until four in the morning! Oh, holiness was reigning!!<br />
<br />
What they mostly consisted of was the 'youth' minister or her 'favored' young people sensing demons in the other young people and then hours of 'casting' said demons 'out'.<br />
<br />
It is my belief that the Salem witch trials got a great revival in Tampa in the 'West' wing of the church. Had execution been permissible, these 'zealous' 'Christians' would have obliged the world in wiping out a few more heretics!<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/slapshots/2791399974/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Salem Witch by slapshots, on Flickr"><img alt="Salem Witch" height="200" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3065/2791399974_f89976d7df.jpg" width="140" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo by slapshot in flickr</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It is my belief that the Salem witch trials got a great revival in Tampa in the 'West' wing of the church. Had execution been permissible, these 'zealous' 'Christians' would have obliged the world in wiping out a few more heretics!<br />
<br />
When I came out of the church, I heard from the 'young' people who had also left that the senior pastor had repeatedly warned this 'youth' minister that she was not to keep the youth over an hour. So, she told the young people that they would keep the length of the meetings a secret between themselves.<br />
<br />
BIG RED FLAG HERE! Anytime someone wants seemingly 'normal' things kept from those in authority (i.e. when and where meetings occur, length of meetings, who was there, etc.) please do yourself a favor and spread the word- there is danger somewhere.The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com0Dade City, FL, USA28.3647248 -82.19591780000001828.3350888 -82.233175800000012 28.3943608 -82.158659800000024tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-69418128103038026642011-05-29T07:52:00.000-07:002011-05-29T15:10:42.962-07:00"Mean"<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="286" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/jYa1eI1hpDE" width="450"></iframe><br />
<br />
This song is a great response to abuse. We will most likely never know why our abusers are so twisted but we are free of their abuse and it's true...all they'll ever be is mean.<br />
<br />
Don Miller had some insightful<a href="http://donmilleris.com/2011/05/26/want-to-be-happy-forgive-your-enemies/"> words Thursday about hurt, pain</a> and the forgiveness process:<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">... Go through the stages of grief. Let the offense shock you, then let it completely hurt you. Don’t avoid the pain. Sit with it and feel it no matter how unbearable it is. Please know it will end in time. It will get 2% easier every day. Just feel it like a toothache and soon enough it will transition into something bearable.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then let the offense make you angry. Don’t lash our or you’ll be guilty yourself. Talk about it with trusted friends but confess you’re angry and your emotions aren’t under control. And don’t feel bad for being angry. The last thing you need is anger and shame. Just punch a pillow and make it through. The anger, like the pain, will lessen over time...</span><br />
Happy Memorial Day my friends!The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-41776804821860024282011-05-17T17:57:00.000-07:002011-06-13T16:49:32.446-07:00Foolish Parade<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/library_of_congress/3350947903/" style="cssfloat: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="City Employees' parade (LOC) by The Library of Congress, on Flickr"><img alt="City Employees' parade (LOC)" height="147" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3660/3350947903_165b3974cf.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>As I noted in a previous post a friend from the cult <a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/2011/04/and-she-walked-away.html">escaped by eloping with her boyfriend.</a><br />
<br />
About two weeks later word came that she and her new husband <a href="http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/2011/05/and-she-walked-back-inbut-i-hold-onto.html">"went back".</a> It was disheartening to say the least.<br />
<br />
Now for the rest of the post you have to imagine the "What the...." bubbles <a href="http://thecommandmentsofmen.blogspot.com/2011/05/joke-was-on-me-part-twelve.html">(as Lewis at Commandments of Men so adroitly phrased it)</a> above the heads of non-cult members...<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/zappablamma/4264302466/" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="thoughts by zappa blamma, on Flickr"><img alt="thoughts" height="178" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4059/4264302466_5b9039b977.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">illustration by zappa blamma in flickr</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
On the Sunday after the sad news came (Mother's Day no less) a family member of mine arrived home to find the whole kit and caboodle of remaining cult members parading the "re-claimed" couple outside their(my relative's) house.<br />
<br />
I am sure it was labeled as 'Proclaiming God's Victory to the Wicked' and 'Marching to Show God's Strength'...<br />
I, however, prefer <i>Big Bang's </i>theoretical physicist Sheldon Cooper's explanation:<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="286" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/LXSxHqmrWAI" width="450"></iframe><br />
<br />
Tsk, tsk, my dear cult pastor, it just ain't kosher to treat humans as "positional goods"...even if you are full of poofy-haired villainy.<br />
<br />
A dear friend (also an ex-member of said cult) e-mailed me this letter in response to the ridiculous parade:<br />
<br />
<b></b><br />
<blockquote><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">Hi!!!!I heard about "THE PARADE OF IDIOTS" in front of your [relatives] house... </span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">My response was "WHAT? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">I have heard [girl's relative] is saying, "THERE IS A LEAK [in the cult] AND HE IS GOING TO FIND IT"...how funny! </span><span style="color: #4c1130;">"Buddy, It's right under your nose. Your "DNA" is the same."</span></span></span></blockquote><blockquote><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">Regarding the "Parade":Only a very low class of people would stoop that low. Too bad they left before the town officials arrived.I'm so glad they are aware of what type of idiots they really are..."THE COMPOUND" is a big joke with all of them and that the leader is just a "mentally challenged old woman" [<span style="color: black;">think Dick Solomon from <i>Third Rock From the Sun</i> mixed with Gaddafi...transform them/it into a woman and... voila! My ex-cult pastor extraordinaire</span>]. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">I just want you to know that [another dear friend] and I are very proud of you for just trying to help someone that has been classified as having suicidal tendencies. Isn't "LIFE BETTER THAN DEATH"...If you threaten someone to action did you REALLY WIN???? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">PEOPLE, PEOPLE, YOU NEED TO GET A LIFE.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">We have heard all that has been said about all of us and WE JUST LAUGH. See, we know the REAL STORY!!! The REAL TRUTH!!! </span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><br />
</span><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">They do NOT scare us with their little parades. </span><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">Actually most people on the street thought that the Jehovah's Witnesses had mounted an assault on San Angela Drive and closed their blinds and locked their doors. TOO FUNNY!!!!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">WE ALL JUST SIT BACK AND SMILE. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">I give you my permission to post this to anyone and everyone, AJ</span></blockquote><br />
I am still laughing about the Jehovah's Witnesses' mounted assault...HOOO!<br />
<br />
Suggested reading:<br />
<i></i><br />
<blockquote><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://donmilleris.com/2011/05/16/life-happens-while-youre-doing-something-else/comment-page-1/">Life Happens While You Are Doing Something Else </a></span></blockquote>by Don Miller<br />
...yeah like mounting foolish parades of positional goods....The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com4Dade City, FL, USA28.3647248 -82.19591780000001828.3350888 -82.233175800000012 28.3943608 -82.158659800000024tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-47471171094862321792011-05-08T15:23:00.000-07:002011-05-08T20:09:38.571-07:00And She Walked Back In....But I Hold Onto Hope<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jc_syzygy/4986620944/" title="thur no walk danger by jc_syzygy, on Flickr"><img alt="thur no walk danger" height="500" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4090/4986620944_b32d6edc04.jpg" width="375" /></a><br />
photo by jc_syzygy in flickr<br />
<br />
As it was my greatest joy to say on the April 29th post that a friend had walked away from the cult it is to my deep sorrow to say that I received news that she went back to the cult.<br />
<br />
I hold out hope though. She's had a taste of freedom.<br />
<br />
I hold out hope because I left the cult behind.<br />
<br />
More than that I have a Father who excels at the impossible. <br />
<br />
Please remember her in your prayers.<br />
<br />
In light of these events I recommend Lewis Well's post of <a href="http://thecommandmentsofmen.blogspot.com/2011/04/only-advice-i-know-to-give.html">the only advice I know to give</a><br />
<br />
And on the lighter side...I am "borrowing" this advice from Eric Pazdziora who borrowed it from RT@ Liturgy: "Don't join dangerous cults -- Practice safe sects!"<br />
<br />
SNORT!<span id="goog_1410630274"></span><span id="goog_1410630275"></span><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="286" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/2lyZQB1H_Zw" width="450"></iframe>The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-67050159226058500722011-05-07T07:48:00.000-07:002011-05-08T20:10:14.530-07:00Forgive me my nonsense....Post for #Restoreunity<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinIgFMgvBnT1D_dSjtqpXGW30xJKMmQqNIcfVAYXfCYZKtCpRspbZoKaKigtn9pAegbuT6T7t2ndKdL5TNSox-6YmyH0PcnzJZ5a09WKqF2RGtH0EwHYaUd4GwPbBzZV5LE5f2dQgoNgw/s1600/Rally+001.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" j8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinIgFMgvBnT1D_dSjtqpXGW30xJKMmQqNIcfVAYXfCYZKtCpRspbZoKaKigtn9pAegbuT6T7t2ndKdL5TNSox-6YmyH0PcnzJZ5a09WKqF2RGtH0EwHYaUd4GwPbBzZV5LE5f2dQgoNgw/s320/Rally+001.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong></strong> </span> My post for <a href="http://rachelheldevans.com/rally-to-restore-unity">#restoreunity</a><br />
<blockquote><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>Forgive me my nonsense, as I also forgive the nonsense of those that think they talk sense.</strong></span></blockquote><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>~Robert Frost ~</em></span><br />
<br />
Living in a cult taught me something of unity. A common need to placate a serially angry leader and a perpetually raging God.<br />
<br />
God had to be fed constant streams of ceaseless good works and His 'Mouthpiece' perpetual praise for speaking "his" word.<br />
<br />
It took team work to keep God and his mouthpiece placated. A complicated system of double speak, ulcers, and covering for family and friends.<br />
<br />
We were in God's refining process...or so we were told. This unified us to bear the refining process one more day. <br />
<br />
We were told that we must crucify the flesh by sacrificing personal opinions and restraint in questioning the 'Mouthpiece's' decisions. <br />
<br />
I finally found this unity to be utter nonsense. <br />
<br />
It wasn't unity at all but rather mindless response to the torturous conditioning of an abuser. <br />
<br />
Unity is when a Catholic and Protestant can spiritedly debate at work the role of Mary in the present day church and ride home together in peace. <br />
<br />
Unity I have found to be in the accepting smile of my Protestant friends on Wednesday night Bible study as I say I didn't hear the pastor Sunday...I wasn't in their church. <br />
<br />
I discovered unity in the in the understanding eyes of a co-worker when I shared my story...turns out she was in an abusive church too. <br />
<br />
Unity stretched over five states as the call went from person to person: "She's out of the cult! They eloped!" <br />
<br />
Unity, I believe, is to be found in the shared sufferings of the Body of Christ. Maybe suffering keeps me from considering my nonsense as sense. <br />
<br />
Would you unite with me in prayer that an abuser will recognize her nonsense for what it is? <br />
<br />
Ease the suffering of others by donating <a href="http://mycharitywater.org/p/campaign?campaign_id=15664" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span style="color: purple;">here</span></a>.The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-65982079492342178162011-04-29T15:47:00.000-07:002011-08-20T23:23:23.001-07:00And She Walked Away....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/andrewrennie/5683097002/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="Walk by andrewrennie, on Flickr"><img alt="Walk" height="256" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5066/5683097002_eb9743b7f6.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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</tbody></table><span style="font-size: x-small;">photo by<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/andrewrennie/"> andrewrennie</a></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> in flickr</span><br />
<br />
Thursday afternoon I experienced the best phone call an ex-cult member can receive: a friend escaped the cult.<br />
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She and her fiance made a mad dash for the courthouse to be wed (much to the cult pastor's horror I am sure). As she was forced to live in the cult pastor's house since birth I am sure this took might courage and to say the least, cunning planning on she and her fiance's part.<br />
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God bless you, friend, wherever you are and fill you to the full brimming of gladness and joy.The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com7Dade City, FL, USA28.3647248 -82.19591780000001828.3350888 -82.233175800000012 28.3943608 -82.158659800000024tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8547546479064738538.post-84194421203767342862011-04-24T18:48:00.000-07:002011-04-24T18:51:14.327-07:00Guest Post: Desperately Seeking Validation by Eric Buckner<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/40103921@N05/5313272787/" title="Lonely in crowd by Camilla Greve, on Flickr"><img alt="Lonely in crowd" height="436" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5169/5313272787_5cefdcd996.jpg" width="500" /></a><br />
"Lonely in Crowd" by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/40103921@N05/5313272787/">Camillia Greve</a><br />
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What exactly is the deal with everyone seeking everyone else's approval lately? Why does it seem that I'm left out of the loop with this trend? Is it because I'm getting older? As I look around me, many of those that care the most are at least a decade my elder, so no, that's not the answer. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want you to think that I'm out for no good. Truth be told though, I don't really NEED your approval. If you don't like me for who I am, then you can just kiss me where the good Lord split me. This doesn't mean that I will try to hurt you or anyone else. If you respect me for who I am, "great" I say, but I'm not going to go out of my way to try to make anyone like me for something I'm not.<br />
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Being comfortable in oneself is an acquired ability. It is either something that you can develop on your own or its something that can be pressured onto you from others. My apathy was formed by the latter of these two. I was not popular in Elementary school, not really having many friends. I had a horrible self-image and who wants to be around a kid like that? Who wants their child to be around a kid like that? I had a chemical imbalance at this age and I was a true odd ball as far as other kids were concerned. I always had one foot in the fantasy world and one tenuous foot within the realm of reality. <br />
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Middle school was even worse for me. I was enrolled into an even larger school, with kids that I hadn't ever met before. They either didn't know about my imbalance or they ridiculed me for the problem. Every day was a constant session in harassment. I became one of the misfits; why not, they didn't have self-esteem either. Its tough to find a bond with someone that doesn't have good self-esteem, not impossible, of course, just tough.<br />
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<span lang="">When High school moved around, our family, by the grace of God, moved out to a different school system. This high school had a fifth of the amount of students in its halls. I didn't have a reputation of being an outcast, so I tried to fit in and it felt good, for a little while, about a month or two. Suddenly, I was asking myself, is it worth it to seek their validation? What exactly is in it for me? Their kinship with me just felt superficial, I was a teenager, that's what I had in common with them. I couldn't live the way I wanted and I was unhappy. I had to live all the time in reality and that was confining to me. So I gave up trying to fit in, I was unhappy in trying to be somebody that I'm not. Even if I was only trying a little bit to be someone they wanted, I felt horrible, a fake, a phony.<br />
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<span lang="">William Shakespeare said it best, "To thine own self be true", because if you spend your life trying to make everyone else happy, where will you ever find time for yourself? Our lives are only a mere hundred years long, if we're lucky, why do we care about those that don't really care about us? To be honest, there is only one person in this world that I really care about how she feels about me and that's my wife, I have to sleep with her. I love her with all my heart and I know that she cares about me. Everybody else in this world is just one gigantic question mark. I'm sure if I had children, I would care about what they thought of me, but nobody else. I love my family and I love her family, but if someone from either family didn't love me back, it wouldn't kill me. This makes me free from judgment, I just don't care. I don't care if others see me as "a good person" because truth be told, I'm human, just like everybody else.<br />
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<span lang="">It is this apathy, this pure absence of caring that I believe makes me either a lovable, a respectful, and/or just a flat out happier person. You must set your priorities straight. Please, for your own good, ask yourselves the following questions. If you want, don't even discuss them, just meditate on them.<br />
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<span lang=""><strong>Who is it that you TRULY want to respect you? </strong><br />
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<span lang=""><strong>Can you respect yourself for who you are?</strong><br />
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<span lang=""><strong>Have you lost contact (or just social intimacy) with those that you honestly NEED their respect?</strong><br />
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<span lang="">With Christian Love,<br />
<br />
Eric Buckner</span></span></span></span></span></span></span>The Cult Next Doorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282235021347524688noreply@blogger.com0