Hope For the New Year

It is my fervent hope that one day my ex-pastor will awaken to the knowledge that she is an abuser. I pray that she will confess her sins and make recompense to those she has wounded in God's name.

This is the link to a letter I wrote in the throes of the PTSD I experienced after leaving the cult.

I know she has read the letter. It served to only enrage her.

I wish she would come to the true knowledge of God's saving grace.

Halloween Post Two: Some Days it is Just a Monster Mash

In an interview with Focus on the Family author Frank Peretti explained his motivation for writing about monsters. As a child he had a medical condition which turned his tongue an oozing black.

As children are often the cruelest beings on the planet, Peretti suffered through taunts of being a “monster”. Choosing the positive aspect of a bad situation, he decided to see monsters as “cool” and himself as special in being associated with them.

This post is in celebration of choosing the positive, and yes, even the humorous aspect of feeling like a freak.

After living in a fundamental cult for twenty plus years, I escaped into what I thought would be stress-free living. I survived hell on earth- now it was time to lay back and relax, right?

That might be right for some. And if you are part of that some, congratulations- you have the good life.

For me and many that I have spoken with, coming out of the cult is the easy part. Living outside of the cult is the true challenge.

For many, the challenge proves too great and they return to the cult, though it be harsh and unforgiving, at least they understand how it functions.

I grew up inside the cult, attended the cult’s school, and after graduation was told that I needed to volunteer my time in return for the all the cult had given me.

When I escaped, and left behind the twisted, haunted laboratory of mind control I discovered that, surprise! I had stunted social skills, an amputated sense of self, and a macabre understanding of what my future would be.

Like Frankenstein, I raged (mentally, at least) at the perverted mind that amputated my sense of self and hijacked my devotion to God to serve her evil empire.

I stomped about for a year, howling with anger at whoever I could. I hated parties; they reminded me of a “get-together” at her house. These often included being yelled at in her bedroom (if you were lucky) and in front of everyone (if you weren’t).

I hated searching for a job. How do you explain away a decade plus that you gave away? How you never finished college because you were too tired to think after forty hours of volunteering, five nights a week of church, and twelve plus hours a week of cleaning on her cleaning crew?

Honestly, I felt like a Picasso painting walking into a job interview that said, “This is me. My nose is on my chin and my eyes are in my forehead. I don’t know how to make decisions, I think my worth is below minimum wage, and I will never speak up for myself. So, please hire me (if it’s not too inconvenient) I know I’m a freak, just let me scuttle around in the background quietly.”

Here lies the dividing line. Some well meaning but utterly clueless soul might say that I should believe that God was ‘working a good work’ in my life and in the middle of it all and I should praise my way into joy at this knowledge.

This is foolish thinking. God did not and never will plan abuse to ‘work His good work in you’. What is at work here is the fact that humanity has free will and a pastor chose to use her position of leadership to satiate her need for control. She placed herself as a god and will, unless she has the good sense to repent, one day stand in judgment for deeds.

What I do know is that God gives ‘beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning’.

And so for the Frank Peretti moment of deciding to embrace the experience (not the abuse), acknowledge where I am because of it, and take stock of skills I learned in the proverbial fire.

As for where I am:
I spent years wishing to know the joys of marriage, for as Luther said there is nothing more comforting than a marriage.
I met and married a wonderful man a year after leaving the cult. Our paths would not have crossed if I had lived a different life.

What I have learned:
I am resilient, having lived under extreme stress and oppression.
I have empathy for others who have experienced abuse or slavery.

The skills I have acquired:
Endurance in the workplace and a willingness to go the extra mile.

One ex-cult member showed beautiful perspective in dressing up as the pastor for Halloween. Their motivation was she was the scariest character they could think of.

It was a perfect statement. She is scary, she is monstrous, but it is she that is the monster, not me.

I think I will make my statement one Halloween by making a scarecrow that resembles her and hang a sign that reads “This would scare anything”.

Am I making light of the abuse or the fact that a pastor is in dire moral straits?

No. I am doing what many people do with Halloween: Put on a monster mask, confront what you fear, celebrate it for a day and then, move on.

Till next year. Maybe I’ll dress up as the witch she always accused me of being. After all, I know the hat fits and I’ll wear it.

On the other hand, is she brave enough to wear her hat?


read another excellent post on this subject by Provender

Halloween Post Three: There Are Zombies on the Loose

"You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You go halfway around the world to make a convert, but once you get him you make him into a replica of yourselves, double-damned."

-Matthew 23:15-

I highly recommend Stephen Arteburn’s book, Toxic Faith. In the course of describing faith that has gone from helpful to harmful, he lists signs of a toxic church.

Here are ten of those signs:

The leader must be in control of every aspect at all times
When problems arise, a guilty party must be found immediately to bear the blame.
No mistakes are allowed
Never point out the reality of the situation-[i.e. the leader is wrong, was unkind, etc.]
Never express your feelings unless they are positive
DON”T ASK QUESTIONS (capitals mine)
Don’t do anything outside of your role-[i.e. visiting a church member on your own, etc]
DON”T TRUST ANYONE (capitals mine)
Nothing is MORE IMPORTANT than giving money to the organization/and or pastor (capitals mine)
AT ALL COSTS, keep up the image of the organization [pastor] (capitals mine)

Having grown up in a fundamental cult, I can attest that each of these signs is a red flag that a church is metamorphosing into a cult.

A healthy church has no need to “make” followers. People are draw by healthy aspects of the church such as community service programs, fellowship, bible study groups, etc.

Cults create their followers. The cult leader recognizes a vulnerability or need in a prospective member and cultivates that area instead of strengthening the vulnerability or meeting the need.

When evaluating an existing church dynamic or determining a new church home, be critical of everything you feel and see. Does the congregation lavish unwarranted praise on the pastor/leader? Does the leader/pastor’s attention to new members seem excessive? Is the situation just a little too holy, a little too good to true.

Be careful. This too shiny, too perfect pastor may be a cult leader in disguise. In Halloween terms, he’s a zombie. And a zombie’s life achievement is to make other zombies.

Blog Interview With Author Shari Howerton

Shari Howerton is the author of Breaking the Chains:Overcoming the Spiritual Abuse of a False Gospel. She graciously stopped by The Cult Next Door for a blog interview.

I first "met" Shari on a message board for spiritual abuse victims. Searching for understanding and truth about my own toxic church experiences, I was blessed by Shari's postings concerning her own experience.

When I heard she was sharing her testimony with a published book I was elated. Her kind yet truth-filled account will be a blessing to those on the journey out of spiritual abuse.

Without further ado, here is The Cult Next Door blogspot interview with Shari:

You picked an awesome title! Last time we chatted back and forth, you were still searching for the right one- "Breaking the Chains" is so apt!

Thank you.

You describe the imprisonment of legalism and false religion your church forced on you in the preface:

"My husband has told me he cannot imagine anyone, let alone a Christian, believing the things I was taught. Although it is a foreign concept to him and others I have talked to, it was my life for forty-three years...Despite my desire to live for God all those years, I was a prisoner of my chains. I needed deliverance as much as any sinner in the gutter. I knew nothing of the freedom Christ had died to provide for me. ."

What enlightened you that you were living in a spiritual prison?

Finding the Gospel and the cross, my freedom in Christ, grace -- these aspects of Christianity served as my enlightenment. It was a long process, not one event. Over the course of my life in the church, I saw many inconsistencies. We had all the same problems and all the same sin as any other group. The only difference seemed to be in behavior you could fake. What I mean is that the things that set us "apart" from other Christians were outward. You can appear holy in a setting like that and have no real change happening in your heart. Many people led double lives. Yet we professed a different standard of holiness and a "higher calling." It just didn't add up for me. It seemed like we only talked about perfection; I didn't see anybody actually being perfected. I always had questions in my heart and mind. I remember wondering how we could possibly be who we thought we were. At the same time, I was reluctant to go too far in my questioning.

I had been told all my life that I couldn't find God or be in God's will outside "the Body." I was also told I could never go anywhere and find truer friends or people who loved me like those people. I bought into all of that. However, prior to leaving, I would have told you I wasn't a prisoner and I wasn't trapped there. I could leave any time I wanted to. I finally did decide to leave because I wasn't growing spiritually in that environment. Yet I was experiencing God and the potential to grow spiritually much more in other settings, which was not something I would have ever expected. That gave me the courage to search for God outside those walls and I felt like He was nudging me to leave. I couldn’t be sure I was doing the right thing and I had a lot of conditioning to overcome. I feared displeasing God, but I prayed and asked Him many times to simply show me if I had been wrong to leave and I would go back.

Only after I did leave did I become aware of the level to which I had been controlled and conditioned by fear. I would occasionally have anxiety about whether or not God was mad at me for leaving "the Body," even though He so abundantly blessed my life in every way after I left. I would wonder "what if they're right?" and "what if they are the true church?" and "what if I've left the true church and now I'm deceived?" The perfection teaching haunted me most, and I had trouble believing that I would really go to heaven because of what Jesus did rather than by earning eternal life (through my own good works/perfection/righteousness). I wanted to believe the Gospel, but it seemed too good to be true. I had been told that Christians who believed their salvation was accomplished through the cross were just looking for an "easy way." I wondered if I was just taking the "easy way." I didn’t consciously want to do that. There was a lot of struggle involved. Through that struggle, I became more and more aware of my chains. I recognized the spiritual prison I had been in as a result of experiencing freedom. The more I embraced the truth, the more I realized the bondage from which I had been set free. My spiritual theme song is "Remember Your Chains" by Steven Curtis Chapman; "Remember the prison that once held you before the love of God broke through."

"I did not know what it meant to be in Christ. I only knew what it meant to be in church."

Victims of spiritual abuse readily understand this statement. Consumed with pleasing church leaders, living by an ever-increasing list of their rules, having little or no control over your own life decisions- this is life lived under the dictatorship of a human, not under the grace of God.

Looking back over your experiences in this church, how did the leadership keep you "in line" so that you followed their rules and expectations?

I wanted to be loved and accepted. I wanted to please. I wanted to be approved of. I did not want to be viewed as someone who was rebellious, unwilling to submit to authority, in a bad spirit. I didn't want to be viewed as worldly or backslidden. It had so much to do with peer acceptance and fitting in. You were viewed differently (judged) if you were openly non-compliant - even in small things. At the same time, plenty of people did not follow the "rules" if they were out of town or knew they would not be running into other church people. I recognized this lack of spiritual integrity long before leaving.

Before I left, I began to realize how self-focused my motivation was even for doing right. It wasn't about God. I didn't really believe that some of our rules were important to God. I complied in order to have the love, acceptance and approval of my social group, which made it about me and the response I wanted (or wanted to avoid) from other people. God showed me the self-absorption of people pleasing. Seeing the wrong priorities that were cultivated in me helped me to leave. It wasn't so much that I was afraid of my pastor (what he could do to me). However, I feared his disapproval and the disapproval of others. I did not want to disappoint him or other people in my church. Many cast people who went against the pastor in a negative light.

However, I cannot honestly say I ever followed every rule.

You came from a church that shares many similarities to my former church.
In my church, the pastor always guaranteed death and destruction to anyone who dared speak against her or leave the congregation. She preached often that the Judgment Day of God was nigh and anyone not listening to her, The Voice of God From The Pulpit, as she titled herself, would be dammed to destruction.
Did your church leaders utilize scare tactics such as these to keep members frightened and unwilling to leave or attend other churches?

What I remember is the fear of joining myself to the beast and being deceived. I don't remember statements about being damned (other than the Scripture about believing a lie and being damned). I do remember many warnings about being outside the Body, outside the covering, rejecting the truth I had been so privileged to receive. I remember one prominent minister saying publicly that it would be better for someone to be lost in the world than lost in the Baptist Church. So I got the very strong message that the only thing MORE displeasing to God than turning my back on HIM would be turning my back on THE CHURCH and that particular group of people.

When our pastor told us that he believed God had told him to relocate to the Nashville area, he said that we were all supposed to remain with him (move across the country). That was what GOD wanted. Someone asked him what he would think if we prayed and didn't feel like God was telling US to move. His response was that he would fear for our soul (if we thought God told us that). I remember rejecting that idea. I did not believe that my very soul depended upon being in one specific man's congregation. However, my whole life revolved around the church and the people in the church. The thought of remaining in California without my family and friends was just unfathomable to me. This gives a man, or leader, a lot of control over your life and your choices.

I think these leaders have a lot of control based on two things: 1) the teaching that they alone have the truth – truth that the rest of Christianity is lacking – holds people who are afraid that might be true. I was afraid it was true. "If I left, where would I go? Nobody else has the truth. Perhaps in leaving I would be displeasing God and not treasuring 'these precious truths' He has privileged me to know." The other component is the way we built our whole lives into the church. Everyone, for the most part, married within the group. So everyone, over time, winds up related in some way to others in the church. Most of their family is in the group. Many do business primarily within the group. Social relationships are formed and cultivated primarily within the group. If people do think about leaving, they have to uproot their entire life, as they know it, and start over. To say a person has to be willing to leave their comfort zone is about the most monumental understatement that could be made. Not to mention, if one considers the possibility of this group not having the truth as they had believed, they must then confront the possibility that they have based their whole lives on a lie. Many people simply cannot do that - or are unwilling even to consider it.

I remember telling God that I didn't care if everything I had ever believed was a lie and I had to start over from scratch. I just wanted the truth. If I lost all my friends and had to start over, I knew He would give me new friends. It wasn't easy. I can't begin to tell you how many times I cried, missing certain close friends from my earlier life. To this day, it hurts to know how some now view me. They cannot see my heart. To them, I have become a bitter, angry, venomous person. They don't understand why I could not remain silent and go my way, leaving them alone. Some have called me a betrayer of lifelong friends. That will never be an easy thing for me to accept and come to terms with. I still wrestle with it. I still have a desire for those friends to know my heart. Nevertheless, part of breaking my chains is finding an acceptance of what God has ordained for my life. I believe He has asked me to give up those friendships. As much as it hurts to let go, I have had to let go.

Author Ken Blue in his book, Healing Spiritual Abuse, recounts the tragic story of a woman named Natasha. Her pastor and church leaders told the congregation that salvation could only be obtained by fulfilling extreme rules and standards. Believing herself rejected by God for failing to keep these rules, Natasha laid down on a track to be crushed by the passing train.
Jeff Vonvendern, author of the Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse defines this type of pressure as abuse. He says that spiritual abuse happens

“…when spirituality is used to make others live up to a ‘spiritual standard’…without regard to an individual’s actual well being…the person…is sent the message that [their] spirituality [is] defective.

Did you observe members of your former church feeling despair because they could not live up to the standard of perfection?

This is an interesting point and I’m glad you asked this question. It brings back something very specific. Charlie Daniels wrote my foreword and he stated that I had been persecuted. I felt a bit of discomfort with that word because so many people use it lightly. I asked my editor his opinion. I explained that although I have endured criticism, harsh judgments and even some rejection, I didn’t feel “persecuted.” Anything I have suffered is so miniscule in comparison to what Jesus suffered for my redemption. It doesn’t seem to reach the level of what I would define as persecution. My editor disagreed. He responded that, most importantly, those are Charlie’s words, not mine. I do not have to be completely comfortable with his word choice because it is his opinion he’s giving in the foreword. However, my editor also pointed out that persecution takes many forms. I can’t find the email in order to quote him, but I thought what he said was profound. He took the time to explain to me that I was under persecution before I ever left CGT because of the doctrine of perfection. He said that many forms of persecution would at least drive you to the cross and to the Savior. However, the doctrine of perfection did not. It caused me to persecute myself because I knew I could not be perfect. It robbed me of my hope in Christ.

I did know others would felt despair that they could never be good enough. Several who have also left have shared with me the hopelessness they felt under that teaching. But many others have shared with me that they simply did not think about perfection at all. I find that hard to understand or relate to because I remember thinking about it and feeling the weight of my inadequacy at a very young age. My son has told me recently, as an adult, that he remembers thinking about killing himself (while in elementary school) because he didn’t think he could ever be perfect. I had no idea he was thinking so deeply about perfection at that young age. However, I understood the heaviness he felt because I remember feeling it and asking God why I had to be born in “the true church” and know “the truth” that I wasn’t going to heaven. I was only in fifth or sixth grade when I was feeling the weightiness of this “truth.”

The second half of Shari's interview is continued in the next post.

Blog Interview With Shari Howerton

“I grew up in a religious cult. It is difficult for me to use that word in print because it is inflammatory. I am aware that the word conjures up images of mass suicide, burning buildings, polygamy, and such. Those extremes are not part of my story, nor do I have any expectation that those dangers exist today for others within my former church.”

I am glad you stated your situation bluntly. The term "cult" is synonymous of Jim Jones, David Koresh, and the mass destruction of their followers. While your former church leaders aren't passing around poisoned Kool-Aid, they have passed around the understanding that they (and their organization) are sole holders of the truths of salvation. Offend them, you have offended God and thereby lose sight of salvation. This is the cult mentality that motivated Koresh and Jones into believing they held the power of life or death over their followers.

I think this mentality is present in varying degrees in different individual congregations throughout this fellowship (GAC/Sowders). There are also varying degrees of control. The messages are conveyed in a multitude of ways. Many times the messages are implied rather than communicated through bold statements (though they are often quite direct). For instance, in the congregation where I was raised, my former pastor never made an outright declaration that if we offended him, we offended God. Nor did he say he held the power of life or death over us. It was usually more subtle than that, but nonetheless direct.

My former pastor occasionally told a story about something happening to someone who opposed him (you would get the implied message). He frequently asked the question, "Are you not for me?" He would say that if we were not for him, we were against him. We were likened to the children of Israel, who murmured against Moses, if we questioned or challenged. When we were asked to move with our pastor from CA to TN, he said he would fear for our souls if we prayed and we thought God didn't tell us to go with him. He told us many times that God wouldn't tell us something without telling Him. If God hadn't told our pastor what we thought He'd told us, there was good reason to question that God had spoken to us at all. We should not pray for God to tell us, we should pray for God to tell Him and He would tell us what God wanted us to do. There were many messages like this over the course of my life (from birth to age forty-three). So, you see, he didn't come right out and declare that we were leaving God if we left His ministry or we were offending God by offending him, but the message was successfully conveyed to most of us nonetheless. I know it was conveyed to me.

It has been said of some of us that we left because we could not come under "the covering" and "the authority" of God's order. We left because we didn't want to obey or comply with the standards/rules. We are bitter, angry ex-members of the church if we challenge their beliefs and practices. We are dismissed as having personal agendas. We are enemies of the church. It is not acceptable to voice one’s disagreement openly. It is always the person's fault (who has "issues" with the church) and there has been no acknowledgment of wrong doing on the part of the church or church leaders. A member of my own family has portrayed me as someone with "problems" to people who didn't know me as a way to dismiss me (or anything I might say). Several of those people have told me that their impression of me (based on that description) was that I must be a bit wacky or unstable. I am neither.

However, in spite of all this, as I read your statement above, it caused me discomfort (even after being out for over six years). It's still emotional for me. I don't want to label all the people in my old church. I truly love many who remain there and I don't want to hurt them. I care about them collectively. However, the more I read about cults, the more I have to face the reality that I spent most of my life in one.

Before I left, I could only recognize that we had some "ways" that might appear cultish to outsiders, people who didn't realize who we were. I look back now on that way of thinking and realize my own cult mentality at the time. But as long as you stay, you cannot see it for what it is. I know that from experience. I did not leave because I had come to the realization that I was in a cult. I left because I found it impossible to grow spiritually in that environment. Now I understand more fully why I couldn't.

The message was powerfully conveyed to me that I could not find the truth outside the Body (Sowders) fellowship. After I left, I struggled for quite a while with intermittent fear and anxiety about God being upset or displeased with me. I know I was not born with those fears. They were instilled in me. However, I didn't fully recognize how strongly I had been held by fear until I left. It wasn't because someone enlightened me. But those fears did not fully emerge as long as I stayed in the group. It was more lack a nagging thought. I could deny that fear was a factor as long as I didn't fully experience it. But after I left, embedded fears emerged. And that was when I dealt with them. I sincerely did not want to displease God. I prayed many times that He would show me if I was out of His will or I had left His true church. It had been deeply ingrained in me that all other churches (outside the GAC group) were Babylon (the false church). Why would I have fears like that if I hadn't been taught to believe that?

Many in my former congregation are presently trying to deny that they have ever been exclusive or claimed to have the revealed truth that the rest of Christianity lacked. Some have actually said we never believed or claimed such things. This is an attempt to rewrite history. It's dishonest. We sang songs about it. These dishonest representations of the past only confirm to me that God rescued me from a bad place. If they no longer believe in their distinct and unique calling, they should be honest enough to admit they once did, but they don't believe that any longer.

I have no reason to rewrite my history. I was raised and taught to believe that I couldn't go anywhere else and find the truth that God had revealed to William Sowders. We were the only Christians who knew we were not completely saved by faith in Christ (that we had to go on to reach perfection). We were uniquely called to restore the church and the uncorrupted truth of the early church in these latter days. When the call went forth to “come out of her,” we believed we would be the garner they would come into. There were songs, dreams, experiences. I have notes in my Bible. I have tape recordings. It’s hard to believe anyone denies this.

Men who are honest within the group will still acknowledge the long held beliefs of the group. But men who are trying to gain acceptance from "the religious world" and other Christians are trying to conceal their beliefs in order to grow the church. This is a deceptive practice and it is wrong.

What words of encouragement would you give to someone standing on the threshold between fear of an abusive pastor and the freedom of God's unending grace?

I have written a whole book in an attempt to encourage other wounded people and point them to the cross and God's matchless, unending grace. It is difficult for me to encapsulate all of the things I would say to someone "standing on the threshold" between fear of man and the grace of God.

I will boil it down to this. If you fear your pastor, he is not a true shepherd. If he engages in deception, and that has been revealed to you, God has revealed the truth to you for a reason. Jesus came to set captives free. If you fear men and how they may respond to you, you are not free; you are a captive. The truth will set you free unless you refuse to receive it.

Fear no man, nor what man can do to you. Please don't allow men to rob you of the promises of God. I have finally realized what grace is. Grace is something you cannot earn. It is God's unmerited favor through faith in Him and His Son. When we truly grasp what God has done for us in Christ, our response will be such deep love and gratitude that we will want to live lives of obedience. We will want to glorify our Savior and point others to the cross. We will want to please the One who loves us so much that He provided for our forgiveness and redemption at great cost to Himself. There is no other response to such amazing love. But obedience is our response to His love, not the means of salvation. We are saved by grace.

Jesus died to break our chains. He died to free us; that we may live in the freedom of His love. Because we are free from condemnation, we are free to trust completely in the love and grace of God and willingly obey Him from our hearts.

Thank you so much, Shari for your patience as I worked on the appearance of this interview!

Shari has bravely stepped forward to share her testimony of a life lived in a toxic church environment.

Those unfamiliar with such terms as toxic church and spiritual abuse may be mystified that Shari simply did not leave the ‘bad church’.

Just as a hostage does not simply waltz away from a bank robber, or a battered wife dance away from her abusive husband, so one does not ‘walk out’ of an abusive church.

The robber has a gun and death threats.

The abusive husband maintains a death grip on the wife’s self-esteem.

The toxic pastor or church leaders declare that if the church member leaves their congregation, they turn their back on God.

As Shari mentions in the interview, this knowledge is clearly understood by the congregation even though the pastor may not have spoken the actual words.

Simply stated, these so called men and woman of God took hostage the abused parishioner’s spirituality for their own emotional, sexual, or monetary profit.

As Provender stated in the guest post:

We trusted. Our trust was seized and used against us. We loved. Our love was grabbed and twisted into servitude. We hoped. Our hope was dangled in front of us with promise after promise, not always spoken. Those promises were yanked farther away. We yearned to be nearer to God. Instead, we were led along a walkway to a human idol and told we were nearing God, as the burdens grew heavier and more unbearable.

To me, spiritual abusers are the equivalents of vampires and pirates.
A ‘pirate’ for they steal time, money, and devotion not rightfully theirs.
A ‘vampire’ as they suck the very life-blood of the abused’s relationship with their Creator.

As Shari said:

If you fear your pastor, he is not a true shepherd. If he engages in deception, and that has been revealed to you, God has revealed the truth to you for a reason. Jesus came to set captives free. If you fear men and how they may respond to you, you are not free; you are a captive. The truth will set you free unless you refuse to receive it.

The address to my blog, outofthesilverchair, refers to the C.S. Lewis tale, The Silver Chair.

The story is a fitting allegory of spiritual abuse as the prince, Rillian, is kidnapped by an evil witch and taken to dwell in her gloomy underworld kingdom.

The witch is not content to simply bind the Rillian in chains. Rather, she enchants him so that his captivity seems pleasant and his captor, the witch, and also slayer of his mother, the queen, is perfection embodied.

So it is with spiritual abusers. They bind their victims with false fear of God and delude the victim into thinking that they are God’s direct voice, prophet, etc.

May God free all who dwell against their will in the dark underworld of toxic religion.

Shari's blogspot, Miss oblivous Thinks Out Loud, contains a collection of her thoughts and prayers from her journey out of a spiritual prison. It is an sightful and enjoyable blog to follow

Guest Post By Provender: Spiritual Abuse is Invisible Trauma

photo by JoscelynAllen in flickr

Recently, I added a quote by Ron Henzel to my Spiritual Abuse quote of the month on Provender, and it’s a good one. It speaks to the heart of the issue of spiritual abuse:

The manipulation involved in Spiritual Abuse is especially cruel because it takes advantage of a person's deepest needs and highest ideals.

After you’ve gone through a period of spiritual abuse, you are at first only interested in survival, and then recovery. It takes some time to look back and take stock of what happened. Even after you’ve done that, you don’t always appreciate the huge toll spiritual abuse takes on your psyche. You know you’re hurting. You know the hurt is magnified by memories of unjust incidents and painful words.

Still, I’m not sure how many victims realize that spiritual abuse reaches right into the depths of the spirit and hurts the most vulnerable parts of our being. We trusted. Our trust was seized and used against us. We loved. Our love was grabbed and twisted into servitude. We hoped. Our hope was dangled in front of us with promise after promise, not always spoken. Those promises were yanked farther away. We yearned to be nearer to God. Instead, we were led along a walkway to a human idol and told we were nearing God, as the burdens grew heavier and more unbearable.

I’ve been on sites where victims of spiritual abuse cry in pain. They don’t know if they will ever again trust. They no longer know for sure if God is real. They long for intimacy with Him but can’t find it. I’ve been on other pages where victims are cynical and even hostile toward believers and churches. The pain and bitterness ate through their souls and left an empty hole. Some start anti-Christian web sites and spew hate-filled words like weapons at the church.

None of this surprises me any more. What they endured was a searing hot poker at their most sensitive spiritual skin. Some do heal. They may have to deal with disfigurement and scar tissue, but they manage to get back to a place where they can open up to God again. For some, that takes years and years. Some seem to waver, going back and forth, believing and not believing. Hardly daring to believe.

Others go from one abusive situation into another. Some have been drawn to more than one other abusive situation after a first one. How any of those victims survive, I will never know.

The point I’m trying to make is for those freshly out of a spiritually abusive experience. If you haven’t been able to recover right away, don’t be bewildered about it. Don’t wonder why you can’t pray, or keep rehashing unpleasant experiences, or wake up fearful, or constantly worry about people in your old group. You’ve just been through something extremely high on the stress continuum. Spiritual abuse is like losing a spouse or being in a fire or discovering the betrayal of adultery. It’s like a fatal car accident, a child’s life-threatening injury, a diagnosis of cancer.

People don’t talk about spiritual abuse. There are some good books on the subject but they don’t hit the bestseller list. There are good sites out there on the topic, but often you have to dig for them. There are groups that help in recovery, but churches rarely talk about them.

Because spiritual abuse is something you aren’t exposed to much before it happens to you, it may seem like it’s not something big, that you should be better by now, that you are silly for being paranoid or frightened or angry or obsessed about what happened. But you’re not. You’ve been through something that scarred the most vulnerable part of you. It’s going to take some time.

So what can you do? Read about spiritual abuse to see how common it is. Talk about what happened to you and don’t let the Don’t Talk Rule silence you. It’s not sin to talk about it. In fact, it promotes healing to do that. Find others who have been through it and talk to them. If you don’t think you can pray, try praying again later, when the wounds are less raw. And remember to take care of yourself because you’ve been through a lot, even though no one around you can see it.

Click here to read Provender's guest post "Twisting Scripture".

Further Reading:
Weaning Myself From Religious Addiction

Breaking The Chains: A New Book On Overcoming False Gospel

I can't wait to read this book!
Breaking The Chains chronicles the mental, spiritual, and emotional captivity of a life lived in a perfectionist church who believes their organization and their organization alone will be accepted into heaven.
Click here to learn more.

image bydavidmccleary in photobucket

Tuesday Quote

"When men and women get their hands on religion, one of the first things they often do is turn it into an instrument for controlling others, either putting or keeping them “in their place”. The history of such religious manipulation and coercion is long and tedious…Paul of Tarsus was doing his diligent best to add yet another chapter to this dreary history when he was converted by Jesus to something radically and entirely different- a free life in God.

Through Jesus, Paul learned that God was not an impersonal force to be used to make people behave in certain prescribed ways, but a personal Savior who set us free to live a free life.

God did not coerce us from without, but set us free from within."

-Eugene Peterson-

Preface to Galatians [The Message Re-Mix]

Twisting Scripture: A Guest Post by Provender

The author of the informative Provender blogspot was so gracious as to be a guest poster on The Cult Next Door.

I shared several questions I felt were pertinent concerning scriptures abusive pastors use to solidfy their control over their congregation.

Here are my questions and Provender's insightful answers.

1. The Scripture- "Don't touch God's anointed" (my paraphrase) was used over and over again to assert my ex-pastor's authority to do anything she wished.

Do you think the scripture is actually giving pastors carte blanche?

That passage is used a couple times in scripture, first in I Chronicles 16 and second in Psalms 105 (which is an echo of I Chronicles). It’s clear in both passages that the phrase “the Lord’s anointed” refers to all God’s people, not just leaders. In fact, the very passage talks of God reproving leaders who do harm to His people. In context:

¹⁷And hath confirmed the same to Jacob for a law, and to Israel for an everlasting covenant,

¹⁸Saying, Unto thee will I give the land of Canaan, the lot of your inheritance;

¹⁹When ye were but few, even a few, and strangers in it.

²⁰And when they went from nation to nation, and from one kingdom to another people;

²¹He suffered no man to do them wrong: yea, he reproved kings for their sakes,

²²Saying, Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm.

²³Sing unto the LORD, all the earth; show forth from day to day his salvation.

That passage alone ought to turn on its head the idea that God has some special protection in mind for abusive pastors. Instead, the protection is for all His people, and if abusive leaders hurt them, they can expect to be reproved by the Lord.

Thank you so much for your astute answers to my questions, Provender.
I hope any who are in the clutches of a controlling pastor will read your explanation and start questioning the toxic twist their leader has placed on God's Word.

What abusive pastors are really trying to cite is the passage in I Sam. 24: 5-7 where David refuses to kill King Saul when it’s in his power to do so because Saul is the Lord’s anointed king. Abusive pastors equate themselves with a king, which alone should be very telling. And with King Saul, too, whom the spirit of God has left. Also, very telling. Nevertheless, they try to draw a parallel. Saul did bad things, but submissive David recognized him as the Lord’s anointed and refused to kill him. I would say that, yes, we should not kill abusive pastors. I agree with the scriptural interpretation up to that point. But David did not put himself under Saul’s power, did he? He did not say, “Saul, God chose you, so whatever you want me to do, I’ll do.” No. He continued to keep his distance even though Saul wanted him to submit and be killed. He continued to point out Saul’s faults toward him publicly. Nowhere in scripture does it say that leaders are to be free from criticism or that they can never be held accountable for what they do.

Revelation 1:6 makes it clear that all believers, and not just pastors, “are made kings and priests.” And we are to submit one to another, not just to those in authority. (I Peter 5:5, Eph. 5:21) If your pastor isn’t submitting to anyone, but requiring you to submit to him or her, there is a problem. We all have to give up our naturally self-seeking desires on occasion, putting others first, not just some of us. Be careful of those who exploit your willingness to put others first.

2. What scripture would you use to set parameters to a pastor's authority?

The entire chapter of Ezekiel 34 sets out what a good pastor should do and what bad pastors do instead. It’s a must-read for anyone in an abusive situation. What the passage says good pastors should do:
• Feed sheep
• Help the sick and injured
• Bind up the broken
• Bring back those who were driven away
• Seek the lost (these are the lost who were already part of the flock)
• Keep sheep from becoming prey to devouring beasts

This is what the passage says bad pastors do:
• Feed themselves instead of the sheep (narcissism or greed)
• Kill best, fattest sheep and eat the fat (arrogance and self-focus) Traditionally, the fat belonged to God. They are taking God’s possession for themselves.
• Use the sheep to clothe selves (exploitation)
• Ignore the sick and wounded (Image consciousness)
• Don’t seek, care about those they’ve driven away (blaming others)
• Rule over sheep with harshness and force (lording it over flock)
• Allow sheep to wander and get devoured by beasts (impure motive)
• Don’t care when sheep scatter or get eaten (elitism: we’re good, they’re not)
• Provide dirty food and water (twisting scriptures)
• Push the needy and sick away (manipulation)

No question about it. The important thing for abusive pastors is to keep questions and scrutiny away. By putting church members on the defensive through scripture manipulation like this, they do two things: They keep the focus off their own unjust acts and onto the acts of the believers in their group. And they also shame church members into silence so they won’t compare notes and see that the problem is larger than just a problem with one individual.

4. What Scripture do you think refers to abusive pastors?

1 Peter 5:3 is advice from Peter to pastors: Don’t lord it over the flock, but be examples.

John mentions Diotrephes who “loves to have the preeminence” and who would not receive Paul. These are traits of an abusive pastor.
Paul says in I Tim 4 that “some shall fall away from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits and doctrines of demons, through the hypocrisy of men that speak lies, branded in their own conscience as with a hot iron; forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by them that believe and know the truth.”
These are pastor’s commands: don’t marry, don’t eat this, don’t eat that. It’s a power trip. And the result of spiritual abuse is clear: some fall away through these leaders and their lies.

As Harold Bussell points out in his excellent article, Checks on Power and Authority in the New Testament, when Paul confronted the great apostle Peter about his hypocritical double standard concerning Gentiles, Paul didn’t say, “I cannot question those in authority over me.” Bussell takes many, many incidents in the New Testament where authority is questioned and confronted and shows the absurdity of taking the spiritually abusive line toward them. Bussell’s article is another must read.

5. What would you say to the controlling pastor who quotes the Scripture, "Obey those that have the rule over you?"

First, I wouldn’t do much talking to abusive pastors. It’s often not worth the agony and the time. The scripture says “Mark those who cause division and avoid them.” Romans 16:17 In my mind, no one causes division in the church more than abusive pastors. When you finally realize that abusive patterns are happening in the church, instead of agonizing about all the steps of Matthew 18 or trying to reason with the unreasonable, your best course is often to leave. No scripture says that the local church you are currently in is THE church. No scripture says you must stay in any particular church.

But if you feel you must try to reason with a manipulator, you can point out any of the passages listed in Bussell’s article and see what the response is. Don’t expect contrition though, or any change at all. With abusive pastors, scripture is only a means to an end, and the end is control. It’s not about Christ, it’s not about scripture; it’s about controlling you. Any scripture the pastor gives back to you, you can be assured, will make you look like the bad guy and the pastor look like Moses or Paul.

As far as obeying those who have the rule over you. Good idea to get along with spiritual mentors. There are churches where laymen attack pastors for no good reason or are always throwing roadblocks in the way. You can have jerks who are church members as well as jerks who are leaders. It’s a good idea to cooperate with good church leaders and to work for peaceful relations in church. That’s a whole different matter from submitting to manipulative, dangerous leadership. You can sharpen your discernment skills by keeping close to scripture on your own, checking what is preached against what the word actually says, like the Bereans did, and keeping your eyes and ears open.

6. What Scripture would you use to convince a spiritually abused parishioner to leave the toxic church?

I wish I knew the answer to this question. Right now there is about one man left in our former church who was there when we were. This very humble man I am sure is confused and distraught. I have often thought about this. If I were to share scripture with this man, since I’m one of the excommunicated, would he even listen?

After all, in an elitist church (and abusive churches are notoriously elitist, feeling they are the super spiritual while other churches and believers are tainted by the ways of the world) how ca
n you listen to someone outside with any confidence they have answers? They are the sinful, weak ones. They can’t help you.

Still, I often think about this. How can I get through to him?

I would first have to convince him that there is a problem with the church. That wouldn’t be too hard since so many have left or been kicked out. He’s already disturbed and unhappy. But then I would have to convince him that it’s worthwhile listening to me, and that might pose a problem.

If he did, though, I think I’d lead him to Ezekiel 34, because one thing is certain: Abusive pastors do not convincingly seek after the sheep they’ve driven away. They are hirelings. If any passage would make that clear, it’s this one.

I think my best bet is to pray for him, and if I get a chance share Ezekiel 34 and maybe some information on spiritual abuse. I’m open to suggestions on this too. Perhaps some reader has had success getting through to those still trapped. If so, I’d like to know
how it’s done.

3. Do you think this Scripture (Touch not mine annointed) is used to enforce the "Don't Talk" rule which characterizes abusive churches?

Friday Quote (on Saturday)

"Quick! I am sane now. If only I could get out of this enchanted chair, it would last. But every night they bind me, and so every night my chance is gone. But you are not enemies. I am not your prisoner. Quick! Cut these cords."

-C.S. Lewis- The Silver Chair

There is No Such Thing....

“There is no such thing as a 'self-made' man. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into the make-up of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our success.”
-George Matthew Adams-

Tell Me Your Tale:

Was there someone instrumental in your exit out of spiritual abuse and/or a cult?

E-mail me at toxicsheepnomore@yahoo.com with your story of 100 words or less. For the sake of privacy, please do not use the person's full name- a first name or even initials will do.

I retain the right to not publish- if an account is derogatory or threatening in nature, and/or does not 'fit in' with the tone of this blog, I will not publish it.

holding hand image by charger fan_21 on photobucket

A Helpful Post From Tales From The Crypt Blog

An informative post from Tales From The Crypt blog:

The 'Superior Leader Trap'
"To look objectively and critically at the cult, experience, the ex-member needs to gain freedom from the "superior leader trap." As indicated earlier, this trap is sprung if there is criticism or questioning of the leader's actions and directives. Basically, it takes the following form: The Leader operates on a higher plane than you or I. Because of that, we are not able to judge the rightness or wrongness of his or her actions. Ordinary, conventional standards do not apply here."

Dr. Arthur J Deikman http://www.deikman.com/former.html

To read more, click: http://brisbanechristianfellowship.blogspot.com/

Rasputin and followers image by elverogue in photobucket

Spiritual Hazing: The Fraternity Tactics of Controlling Church Leaders

In 1978, Alfred University student Chuck Stenzel decided to join the fraternity Klan Alpine. To become one of the 'brethren', Chuck was given a bottle of wine, pint of whiskey and six pack of beer, locked in the trunk of a car with other pledges, and left in nine degree temperature.When the alcohol was finished, the trunk would be opened.
When the trunk was opened, Chuck was unconscious. He died later that night.
The fraternity denied responsibility of his death.
His mother Eileen determined to find the truth. Klan Alpine members, however, were reluctant to speak out of the 'code of silence' employed by the fraternity.Overcoming members' reluctance to speak out, Eileen eventually pieced together the story of Chuck's last day and determined to fight the oppressive tactics of fraternity hazing.
As I read the story, I was shocked at the loyalty of the frat members. They would rather that an abusive system live on to kill someone else rather than speak the truth of Chuck's death. However, at this point, I had an "Eureka!" moment. Hadn't I myself been part and parcel of a group who employed abuse and mind-controlling techniques similar to those of a fraternity?Hadn't I myself protected a Dade City church 'fraternity' with years of silence?
Thankfully, Eileen started a movement that abolished many college hazings.
She said:
"Subservience, ridicule, verbal abuse, intimidation, sleep deprivation, forced calisthenics, unfair tests are all hazing and should be reported. No one should compromise their dignity to belong to any group. If you are allowing yourself to be hazed, or looking the other way when someone else is being hazed, you are enabling this ugly practice to continue and jeopardizing the emotional and physical well being of others. You are the future of fraternity. You have rights and an important voice. This is a time of growth and personal development. You are in a unique position to strengthen your chapter, implement change and set a tone for the future. Only you can eradicate the cancer of hazing. You will face many challenges and choices. I implore you to do so with leadership and courage."

"No one should compromise their dignity to belong to any group." Eileen might have been saying this about belonging to a spiritually abusive group as well as a fraternity hazing. Spiritual abusers have a gamut of practices to steal the dignity of their followers. In the church I was in, the pastor preached against associating with members who had left the group. She had 'spies' who would follow parishioners to 'make sure' the parishioner was not associating with 'workers of iniquity' (members who had left the church). She also closely monitored any visits a parishioner made to family members, inside or outside of the church.Imagine how demoralizing it is for a forty year old to ask permission to go see his sisters and brothers or a fifty year old to have to 'check-in' with the pastor about inviting her parents over for supper.Yet, even following the pastor's every rule on reporting 'family associations', the parishioner still would have at least two church services a year in which the pastor would preach for two or more hours in general tones about the evils of family association. She was wiley enough not to say names, yet the whole congregation knew who she was speaking to, and the 'guilty' parishioner knew the only absolution lay in his presenting himself to the pastor in front of the congregation for a lengthy prayer session or 'family spirit exorcism'. These examples sound extreme and incomprehensible to a person who has never experienced the 'hazing' of a spiritual abuser.Yet parishioners consider this domination normal and acceptable for the 'fraternity' pastor has decreed it is so.

"Subservience, ridicule, verbal abuse, intimidation, sleep deprivation, forced calisthenics, unfair tests are all hazing and should be reported."Parishioners of a Dade City church recieve a check mark on all listed points for spiritual abuse 'hazing'.
The pastor would call night or day and her demands had to be immediately met.
Check for subservience.
Parishioners' dress, weight, and worship styles were mocked by the pastor and the 'in group'.
Check for ridicule.
Two hours of 'counseling' in which you are repeatedly yelled at for being 'lustful' and have 'demons' cast out by the pastor yelling in your face.
Check for verbal abuse and intimation.
Sadly, spiritual abuse victims have no one to which they can report this 'hazing' lifestyle.
Yet even more sadly, members who have not left the abusive church do not consider this lifestyle abusive. A bizarre loyalty to this church 'fraternity' not unlike Stockholm syndrome seals the parishioners' lips. After enduring the aforementioned 'counseling' session, I would thank the pastor repeatedly for 'looking out for my soul'. Church services often consisted of parishioner's testimonies of how happy they were to be a part of the 'true family of God' and how they would be glad to choose this 'family' over their natural family.
None of the emotional damage of the pastor's tactics is ever acknowledge by the abused. He doesn't speak of it to 'outside' family or friends. As this is 'God's elect' fraternity, he desires to have it appear only in the best light. He realizes that 'worldly' associations would not understand 'God's cleansing' and would question 'God's mouthpiece', the pastor. Somewhere in his mind he reasons that he deserved the abuse, that it is God's way of cleansing him.
When a fortunate parishioner would gather the strength to 'break free' of the abusive church I attended, remaining members were counseled on the 'evils' (mistakes or foibles of character) of this abandoning 'frat' brother. This discouraged credence of the departed parishioner's story of abuse.In this, the pastor gained two victories: The 'escaped' parishioner was vilified and her oft repeated stories of persecution were given credibility.
On the blog Wittenberg Gate: Applying Scriptures to every sphere of life the author makes this observation of a new member's introduction in a controlling church:

"You may be given accounts of past problems in the church and explanations for why all this was the fault of others. For example, you may hear of a group of people who were in some sort of sin, caused a problem in the church, and then were expelled or left on their own. Manipulative people use this sort of technique in order to prepare you ahead of time when they expect you might hear of these problems from others. Later, when you hear of the complaints of a former church member, you may be predisposed, by the information you hear now, to think the fault lies with the former member. We tend to believe what we heard first when contradictory information is given.You may hear stories that glorify the pastor or other controlling person. You might hear of how he endured trials, especially the attacks of others, or stood alone for what is right.

And so the spiritual fraternity's control is complete: New members are anxious to be a part of what appears to be a group sold totally out to God. They may hear disturbing accounts from parishioners who have left but dismiss their credibility because the 'frat leader' pastor has warned the new member of the evils of these 'disgruntled' ex-parishioner: they didn't have the dedication to 'go all the way with God' and are driven by an 'evil spirit'.
The 'frat' pastor allows some time for the new member to luxuriate in the glow of the attention showered on them by church members and the energizing mentality of 'selling it all out for God'. The new member gives freely of his time and talents; not much is expected of him- for now. He notes that older members are sometimes harshly disciplined. He doesn't worry too much about it, though. His dedication to God is mentioned often in the services in glowing terms by the pastor and the 'inner circle'.
Suddenly, in the mist of this glory fest, hazing time arrives. His person hood and ties to family members are disclaimed by the pastor from the pulpit. He sits in shock as she rails on and on against him and his supposedly evil actions.
It's time to pledge your undying loyalty to 'God's mouthpiece'.The new member doesn't dare speak of his abuse to anyone outside the church fraternity. That would be questioning God and His 'Under-Shepherd'.
The new member resolves to 'suck it up' and take the abuse. After all, it's a small price to pay to be a member of 'God's elect' fraternity.
Right?
The story of Chuck Stenzel and Eileen Stevens' statement on fraternities can be found on the website: http://hazing.hanknuwer.com/broken.html
The quote from 'Controlling Personalities in the Church' can be found on the blog:http://dory.typepad.com/wittenberg_gate/2005/05/controlling_per_1.html
Blindfold image by crystal trevor in photobucket
Cloak image by Cubbsbaby in photobucket
Prisoner image by SimplySue58 in photobucket

Dobby Moment

I often jokingly call myself "Dobby", a creature from the Harry Potter series.

Dobby, a house-elf, is enslaved to a magical family and can only be freed when his masters give him an item of clothing.He tells Harry Potter:

"Tis part of a house-elf's enslavement, sir. We keeps their secrets and our
silence, sir. We upholds the family's honor and we never speaks ill of them."

The house elf that dares speak ill of his master must take responsibility to punish himself.

Thank goodness I am a liberated house-elf!I no longer feel evil and mentally punish myself because I dare to disagree with the actions of the church 'master'.

Her power over me is steadily waning.

I hope all the spiritually-abused 'church elves' also find such freedom.

Naked Pastors

Once again I found myself comparing elements in a fairytale to an abusive church.

In the tale of the Emperor's New Clothes, the entire court and kingdom proclaim the beauty of the Emperor's new garments until a clear-sighted child speaks the truth: the emperor is walking around in his skivvies.

At a Dade City church, the congregation (and myself, at times, sadly to say) proclaimed often (and still proclaim, I'm sure) the figurative glorious clothing of kindness, generosity, and hard work with which the pastor clothed herself .

The clear-sighted truth was that she thrived on cruelty, stole from the congregation, and was incredibly lazy.

The adage that a lie repeated by a thousand people is still a lie sums the situation up concisely.

The problem is that a lie, repeated enough times in a spiritually abusive situation, is believed and the abused become enraged when the lie is refuted.

Tell the tale with a cult genre and the little boy would be burned at the stake for seeing the emperor's nakedness.

If you attend a church were the pastor has morphed to an emperor and his/her spiritual 'clothing' is praised endlessly and excessively- take a closer look.

Most likely he/she is naked.

A true pastor sends the praise back to it's true owner: God.

Blinded By False Love

My Sister and I entered "the Cult" life when I was 12 and she was 10 when our parents enrolled us into what seems a very innocent church/school. Unbeknown to my parents this was a very big mistake. They were quite impressed by the warm greeting they received from the teacher and principal , even some of the church members greeted us with extreme courtesy. I remember thinking where were all the kids , not realizing that "the church kids" I were my age , but were dressed and looked as if they were in there 20's and 30's. The girls wore dresses and skirts that I had seen at the "old lady " departments in Dillard's and Bealls. The boys were wearing dress coats and old style pants that I had seen on older men of their 50's.I couldn't even imagine conforming to wearing those clothes and styling my hair the way they did. Well soon after we starting school , I was immersed into how kind I was treated and gifts started to get laid down at my feet. I was honored with "people person" and varies other awards. I couldn't help but think WOW they must really think I'm special and I just ate it up ! I began staying after school more and helping around the church property with the "church kids". Slowly I fell into a pit of FALSE LOVE. The Principal asked me and my sister to call her Granny and made us feel obligated to give her Grandmother cards for Mother's day and Birthday presents on her birthday. In fact I will never forget her birthday and it was always a feeling of panic that came over the church on what gift would be honored to her sight.Me being the very observant person that I am , watched consistently to see the give and take of what I thought was a "family" love. Everyone was called Sister and Brother , and if you were really blessed in her sight than some were called Aunt and Uncle. My sister and I began going to every service Tuesday night, Wed Night, Sat Night , Sunday Morning and Sunday Night....each service we hid the many journals we were made to write it from our parents. "Granny" made us think our parents were "worldly " and "living for men" , so we began to rebel against them , saying that our "real family" was on that hill (the cult) and that we wanted to walk with God. Looking back I know I hurt my parents probably very deeply for some of the comments we made to them. Unlike the families in the church we owned TV's and had pants in our closets, this gave us the advantage to stay in tact with everyday life. But when my family wanted to get together to go swimming or the movies we made excuses that we were too busy and didn't want to join them.

We became the "CHURCH KIDS" and with that title we were ridiculed in church for having " the look of Satan" on our faces and I in particular wanted to sleep with every man in church and was called several times at Harlot and had the Spirit of Lust allllll over me. My Sister had the Spirit of Pride and was told that she was getting fat and could start wearing the pastor's hand me downs (sizes 16 plus) she was humiliated over and over again. We were matched with two boys in the church and we told that it was the Lord's perfect plan for us to be there for them.

There are many stories of pain I could write , but the one incident that stopped the insanity of following this false love was a prayer meeting on the Tuesday night before Feb 4th (my sister's birthday). My so called "Granny" shook me violently in front of all the church members and screamed into my ear that "I was letting the Lusting Spirit take over my life". Well to my sister that was the straw that broke the camels back. That night she went home to our parents and told them everything that was going on for 6 years while we were there. I begged her not to, but later on realized how right she was for reaching out for help. The next day my parents withdrew us out of school and we were pulled away ,literally forever from those (sisters, aunts, uncles, brothers) we loved and depended on while we were in that place.....they looked at us in horror and I'm sure some of them wished they could go with us . It was like we had to learn how to live all over again, we were so hidden for so many years.

Perfect by Nature

Icons of Self Indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about the World

That never was and never will be
Have you no shame, don't you see me
You know you've got everybody fooled

Look here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws when your pretending
But I know she....

That never was and never will be
Have you no shame, don't you see me
You know you've got everybody fooled

Without a mask
Where will you hide
Can't find yourself
Lost in your lies
I Know the TRUTH now
I Know who you are
And I don't love you anymore

By Blinded By False Love

Defeat the Piper's Call

A random whimsy of thought on the Pied Piper of Hamelin married into the subject of spiritual abuse in the strange consciousness I call my brain space.
According to the wikipedia article several variations exist to explain this 1284 town record entry:

"It is 10 years since our children left"

Apparently a stained glass window in the Hamelin church of a colorfully dressed piper with children in white around him gave credence to the Pied Piper tale of luring children away.
To discover more click the wiki link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pied_Piper_of_Hamelin

In my opinion, the Pied Piper is an allegory for the leaders in a cult/spiritually abusive church.
The church members follow his (in my case, her) words blindly, entranced, oblivious to the world around them. All that matters is to follow the seemingly golden tone of the piper.

When I left my cult of twenty-four years (my story is : http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/2009/01/cant-you-see-that-im-dying.html)
I left behind friendships of the same amount of years. A particular friend that I worked with at the church's 'mission' for eleven years.

Through the adversity of functioning in a poorly managed work environment, this person and I had grown quite close. We could finish each other's thoughts, know what the other's opinion was on most subjects, and for the most part, work in perfect harmony for eight to sixteen hours a day.

Leaving the cult behind meant leaving all contact with this person behind as well (When one leaves the 'fellowship' behind, one is now part and parcel with Satan according to the 'pastor'). I foolishly thought that a kind note or two might lure said person out of the magnetic sway of the cult's 'pastor'.

I found out quickly that this was not the case. Said person came to my house and brusquely delivered this letter:

Dear [ my name],
A short reply to your note. [husband] and I want you and everyone to know that we are more thrilled with God and His family than we have ever been.
I boast in my God in His continued closeness and guidance through His Word. We have never had the presence of God on [ a Dade City Church] as we are experiencing Him present w/us in every way! The Word of God has never been so full of deliverance, hope, vision, and assurance that He is our God and we are His people. "Happy is the people whose God is their Lord".
Our fellowship is w/ the Father,the Son, and the Holy Ghost and His called out and chosen children. God chooses for us.
We do pray for you and trust that God's mercy be w/you.
Because of Calvary's Love,
[said person]
[husband]

To the untrained eye, the letter appears a simple expression of Christian sentiments.To an experienced Piper (cult) follower, however, alarming phrases pepper the verbiage. For the sake of brevity, I will call attention to just one:

"Our fellowship is w/ the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost and His called out and chosen children. God chooses for us."

This follower of a cult Pied Piper will not be dissuaded from their march to the river of the destruction of spiritual abuse. Attempts to brake them from the trance only result in a greater determination to follow the piper more vehemently because as they themselves declared:

Happy is the people whose [god] is their Lord

Sadly, I can but watch this poor battered sheep as theysacrifice their person hood. Words, tears, kindness- nothing will reach them. I stand, watching, armed with prayer. A solider half-way across the world in war-torn Iraq was instrumental in interrupting my mindless marching. I pray that some such person invades the trance of said letter writer. May God end the destructive march of the spiritually abusive Pied Pipers and let the children come home.