Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Blinded By False Love

My Sister and I entered "the Cult" life when I was 12 and she was 10 when our parents enrolled us into what seems a very innocent church/school. Unbeknown to my parents this was a very big mistake. They were quite impressed by the warm greeting they received from the teacher and principal , even some of the church members greeted us with extreme courtesy. I remember thinking where were all the kids , not realizing that "the church kids" I were my age , but were dressed and looked as if they were in there 20's and 30's. The girls wore dresses and skirts that I had seen at the "old lady " departments in Dillard's and Bealls. The boys were wearing dress coats and old style pants that I had seen on older men of their 50's.I couldn't even imagine conforming to wearing those clothes and styling my hair the way they did. Well soon after we starting school , I was immersed into how kind I was treated and gifts started to get laid down at my feet. I was honored with "people person" and varies other awards. I couldn't help but think WOW they must really think I'm special and I just ate it up ! I began staying after school more and helping around the church property with the "church kids". Slowly I fell into a pit of FALSE LOVE. The Principal asked me and my sister to call her Granny and made us feel obligated to give her Grandmother cards for Mother's day and Birthday presents on her birthday. In fact I will never forget her birthday and it was always a feeling of panic that came over the church on what gift would be honored to her sight.Me being the very observant person that I am , watched consistently to see the give and take of what I thought was a "family" love. Everyone was called Sister and Brother , and if you were really blessed in her sight than some were called Aunt and Uncle. My sister and I began going to every service Tuesday night, Wed Night, Sat Night , Sunday Morning and Sunday Night....each service we hid the many journals we were made to write it from our parents. "Granny" made us think our parents were "worldly " and "living for men" , so we began to rebel against them , saying that our "real family" was on that hill (the cult) and that we wanted to walk with God. Looking back I know I hurt my parents probably very deeply for some of the comments we made to them. Unlike the families in the church we owned TV's and had pants in our closets, this gave us the advantage to stay in tact with everyday life. But when my family wanted to get together to go swimming or the movies we made excuses that we were too busy and didn't want to join them.

We became the "CHURCH KIDS" and with that title we were ridiculed in church for having " the look of Satan" on our faces and I in particular wanted to sleep with every man in church and was called several times at Harlot and had the Spirit of Lust allllll over me. My Sister had the Spirit of Pride and was told that she was getting fat and could start wearing the pastor's hand me downs (sizes 16 plus) she was humiliated over and over again. We were matched with two boys in the church and we told that it was the Lord's perfect plan for us to be there for them.

There are many stories of pain I could write , but the one incident that stopped the insanity of following this false love was a prayer meeting on the Tuesday night before Feb 4th (my sister's birthday). My so called "Granny" shook me violently in front of all the church members and screamed into my ear that "I was letting the Lusting Spirit take over my life". Well to my sister that was the straw that broke the camels back. That night she went home to our parents and told them everything that was going on for 6 years while we were there. I begged her not to, but later on realized how right she was for reaching out for help. The next day my parents withdrew us out of school and we were pulled away ,literally forever from those (sisters, aunts, uncles, brothers) we loved and depended on while we were in that place.....they looked at us in horror and I'm sure some of them wished they could go with us . It was like we had to learn how to live all over again, we were so hidden for so many years.

Perfect by Nature

Icons of Self Indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about the World

That never was and never will be
Have you no shame, don't you see me
You know you've got everybody fooled

Look here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws when your pretending
But I know she....

That never was and never will be
Have you no shame, don't you see me
You know you've got everybody fooled

Without a mask
Where will you hide
Can't find yourself
Lost in your lies
I Know the TRUTH now
I Know who you are
And I don't love you anymore

By Blinded By False Love


The Cult Next Door said...

Powerful words! So glad we are free and know the truth behind the mask.

Wendy J. Duncan said...

Was this a different cult than the Dade City one? I'm confused.

The Cult Next Door said...

It was the same one

NoJoke said...

Wow, what a story -
I have to say that your abuse was much more blatent than ours. So glad to hear how the Lord delivered you from that place!!

In our old church the abuse was much less easy to detect because it was so covered with current acceptable Christian culture behavior. The pastor couple spoke out of both sides of the mouth. So to the onlooker all was normal but to those of us who ended up in the inner vortex the true motivations were seen. Because they were aloof people it was even harder to detect becuase they went in and out of their abusive mode. On side of the personalities were were really nice and fatherly/motherly; the other side was driven and unpleaseable.

We realized later that was part of the insidiousness of the deception there. The abuse was really hidden and covered.

Carrie said...

I have been loved like that:

I love you if "you do what I want"
I love you if "you look right"
I love you if "you belong to our group"
I love you if "obey our rules"
I love you if "show up every time for church"
I love you if "you agree with our doctrine"
I love you if "follow me without question"

yes with love like a cult or an abuse relationship, it would be better to not be loved at all!

great post, keep telling the truth about these kind of groups! sorry you went through it.

Bibliophile said...

I love the name of this site because it is so apt! Many of these churches and groups have an innocent outward appearance, and you don't know what you are getting into until you are in the middle of it.

I've been collecting helpful sites and have found many great resources.

Our story is on that page too, and it isn't anything like what you experienced, but it did ruin a very good church.

The Cult Next Door said...

Thank you for the link:)

The Cult Next Door said...

It amazes me how these toxic churches maintain such an innocent facade.