Now I Thrive

Another dear family member shares their account of life in the Dade City church:

Where does a person begin to tell about the mental abuse? I’ll just tell the truth.

Friday night youth meetings did last for hours - and, [name with held] did in fact tell us not to let the Pastor know how long she kept us in youth meeting. These meetings were not times of fellowship, sharing or “God moving,” but more {name with held] yelling at us and chewing us out, telling us how we were not measuring up to God’s standards (as she defined them).

I remember reading my Bible on my own, and coming to a saving knowledge and a loving relationship with Jesus during this time, understanding my life’s purpose to become more and more Christ-like. This was definitely not the message being preached on Friday nights. It was made clear to all of us that no matter what we did, we would never be good enough – we would always be a disappointment to God, unless we surrendered our lives to her direction, without question. This was also the time [name with held] started to exert control over behavior. We were shown how to shun kids that didn’t meet her expectations, and other social pressures were brought to bear. Many of those kids grew up to be very good at shunning at her command.

Without going into all the gruesome details, [name with held] continued to “work” with the youth. When the Pastor passed away from an illness in the late 80’s, she began to work to take control over the church, undermining the successor the Pastor had chosen. By about 1990, [name with held] had become head pastor, and church began its dissent into becoming a cult. Once she had control of the church, she began working on individuals.

Blinded By False Love

This account was written by a very dear friend of mine.

To my eternal consternation and regret I was the one that invited she and her sister to the Dade City church, thereby inducing her in the cult.

There are so many decision and words I would take back if I had the chance.

Inviting her to attend the cult with me is the action I wish most desperately to take back.

Thankfully she is still my friend and has never made me feel guilty or responsible for introducing her into this life of horror.

I am proud to say she thrives, a fulfilled woman unshackled by her past.

God bless you, Friend.

My Sister and I entered "the Cult" life when I was 12 and she was 10 when our parents enrolled us into what seems a very innocent church/school.  

Unbeknown to my parents this was a very big mistake. They were quite impressed by the warm greeting they received from the teacher and principal , even some of the church members greeted us with extreme courtesy.

I remember thinking where were all the kids , not realizing that "the church kids" I were my age, but were dressed and looked as if they were in there 20's and 30's.

The girls wore dresses and skirts that I had seen at the "old lady " departments in Dillard's and Bealls.

The boys were wearing dress coats and old style pants that I had seen on older men of their 50's.I couldn't even imagine conforming to wearing those clothes and styling my hair the way they did.

Well soon after we starting school, I was immersed into how kind I was treated and gifts started to get laid down at my feet. I was honored with "people person" and varies other awards. I couldn't help but think WOW they must really think I'm special and I just ate it up ! I began staying after school more and helping around the church property with the "church kids". Slowly I fell into a pit of FALSE LOVE.

Happiness is a Journey

This account is from a dear family member who also attended the abusive church:

I must say, this is a very difficult situation for me because I still have family that I love dearly, still in this compound. My mother and sister are still held captive there by a force that they can not even see for themselves. They will read this and will be very upset with me, and I am sure that they will make sure it gets back to me that they are not by any means being held captive or feel they have to stay, but the truth is, I have been there and I know that there are times they feel insecure about the environment in which they exist, we all did at some point and time, but because of the deep-set mind control, you ignore those feelings and continue your mere existence in the world that has been “created” for you. So, mom and sis, I do this because I love you!

A Story of Survival

I asked some recent commenters to share their accounts of life within a fundamentalist/cult group. Here is one reader's story:


"Once upon a time, there was a man who wanted to find a good church for his family to go to in order that they could all worship and serve God together. One would not expect this to be a problem in the Southeast United States but the fact remained clear that there were a bunch of organizations that called themselves a “church” that were little more than social clubs. There was a heavy emphasis on meeting felt needs and little if any emphasis on really studying the Bible.

However, after looking for a while, the man and his family found a church that seemed perfect. The Bible was taught exceptionally. There were no fluffy Sunday School classes with trite prepackaged lessons that were superficial. Rather, the teachers taught straight from the Bible. The man was a Calvinist and this church held to the doctrines of grace. The church wasn’t huge but it was big enough to have something for all ages of the family to learn and serve. This should have been the “Happily Ever After”.

Such was not the case, however. About a year or so after they had joined the church, the pastor began to make pleas from the pulpit for increased faithfulness in giving. He said the church was going through a budget crisis. A few months ago, one of the elders had left with some of the congregants to form their own church. About 10 families left. A few other families left for various other reasons. Now, with the pastor making a plea for funds, the man’s “Spidey sense” started to tingle.

No financial reports were ever released. It was really the first the man had thought about it or realized it. Most churches he had been in had business meetings. The financial reports were laid on a back table where everyone could get them. This church didn’t do that. When the man asked the pastor, he was told you had to ask for the reports and they would be mailed to you. So the man asked for the reports. Being an auditor by trade, as soon as he opened the Excel file, he knew where the problem was.

The church’s budget was going to run about $50,000 short for the year if subsequent months ran like the month he looked at. So he started to look at the various categories to see where the problem was. Long story short—the pastor’s salary was better than 50% of the budget with the mortgage being another 30%. When this $100,000 a year salary and $60,000 a year mortgage payment were paid, there was hardly anything left to pay for maintenance, utilities, or anything else. Now the man’s “Spidey Sense” was REALLY tingling. However, he forced himself to keep his concerns to himself. They are the elders, he said, and it’s their job to make these decisions. Besides, the pastor seems to be a man of integrity.

However, that integrity was only a veneer and a thin one at that. About 6 months later, several more families left the congregation. There was a big meeting to explain what had happened and why. Basically, the families left out of concern for the pastor and what they perceived was a greedy attitude on his part. He had taken time out of a sermon series in Ephesians to begin to preach on stewardship and the need to tighten our belts. However, he was still making $100,000 in a church with about 120 people on Sunday Morning. He would make comments that “The average salary in this area is $60,000 per year, we should have no problem with the finances in this church”. After this meeting, the man had an occasion to talk to the pastor and some of the things the pastor said caused the ol’ “Spidey Sense” to start ringing again. Particularly, “I’ve got 20 years experience and a doctorate”. His doctorate was from a diploma mill. However, he seemed to be saying “I deserve this salary”. It also came out that he was able to pay considerably more on his mortgage than the payment every month. This man, in every respect, was becoming quite wealthy. Further, he told the man that he hasn’t taken a raise in 3 years. With his salary I should certainly hope not.

Anyway, the man pushed these concerns down again. He and his family liked the church. They liked the people. Then, the Holy Spirit began to convict him that staying silent was wrong. He began to question the financial decisions of the church and was rudely rebuffed. He finally asked to meet with the elders. You see, anytime someone had a problem, the elders wanted to meet with them individually. They didn’t want people to compare notes and see that others saw the same problems in the church. They also felt it easier to intimidate the person. The man met with the elders and it was like Pink Floyd’s song “The Wall”. They blew off his concerns and basically said that to leave the church without a valid biblical reason was to leave without God’s approval.

A few months went by and some things started happening that violated what the elders claimed were things they’d never do. They had a woman lead music on Wednesday night because the two guys who would usually do it were not there. The elders claimed she wasn’t leading because she was standing with the instrumentalists rather than on the platform. In other words, we’re going to claim that we would never do something but if it becomes necessary we’ll just change the vocabulary, call it something different, and do it anyway. That was the final straw.

The man went to tell the pastor that he would no longer serve in any ministries in the church. The pastor asked why. The man cited the incident above as proof that the elders had no integrity. The pastor was irate. He began to raise his voice. The man told him he didn’t come there to argue but to inform him of a decision. At this point, the pastor blew his stack and said, oh and I’m quoting here, “Don’t you DARE walk away from me!”

The man laughed. He told the pastor “You have no authority over me”. As he turned to walk out, the pastor said “As pastor of this church I certainly do”. He rudely told the man that his resignation was accepted and if he wanted to talk to the elders they would meet with him. The man thought to himself “Alan and the Yes-men”.

He and his family left the church and, after a few months of looking have found a church where the leaders are men of integrity and they can feel safe. Leaving was hard. Staying, however, would have been a greater sin. Supporting a church where the leadership do not have the character qualifications the Bible says they should have is dangerous and potentially damaging. If you find yourself in this situation, you’re not alone. The above story is real. The people in it survived through God’s grace. You can too."

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