Geez-Louise, Cult Peeps and Cult Pastor!?!?! Just Dance!

"Dance" by Lucre Diaze in flickr

*WARNING TO ALL MY READERS: I really let lose in this post...please take me and my words with a grain of salt*

I recently came across an online review of the cult church. The review was comparatively mild and explained angst that commenter felt after overhearing a church authority leader declare outsiders (non-church members) were not welcome in the church if immodestly dressed.

This was very mild criticism on the part of the commenter, believe you me. In my time people were shamed from the pulpit if they wore flared skirts. Flared skirts, people! Flared skirts that came BELOW THE KNEE. See example below.

"Flared" by krinn in Flickr

"soft blue sky" by lucidRose in flickr

And this long blue skirt on the right would get ya called down from the pulpit as well...too long. (I think it is gorgeous...have one just like it now :)

But I digress.The mildly critical review was vehemently denounced by (what can only be assumed) a member of the church. The rebuttal included references that the reviewer was going to an extremely heated place.

*Sigh*. Really, cult peeps? Can't you find something more motivating in life? Something more awesome than writing up foolish dress codes and condemning to hell those who disagree with you? There is sooooo much more to life!

You should be dancing EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

NOT:
1. ….measuring skirt lengths. (Really?!?! Seriously?!? You can’t come up with a more godly activity?
2 .…telling peeps who they can and can't marry. (Once again…REALLY!?!?! SERIOUSLY!?!?!)
3. ….saying when they can go on vacation.
4. …when they can’t go on vacation.
5. ….deciding what profession they can pursue.
6 .….what books they can read.
7. …what books they can’t read.
8. ….crippling people with fear of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE on the outside of your church.
9. ….doing pretty much ANYTHING of the 85% percent of the nonsense that composes your day.
10. ….Is your life really that pathetic that you have to micromanage others? Or that you have to decimate the message of the grace of the cross? Geez Louise peeps! Really?!?! Seriously?!?!

*sigh #2*

BESIDES a strong desire to shake some sense into you I also wish I could hire a sky writer to put this where you could see it:
I DON'T HATE YOU!
I DON'T WISH YOU ANY HARM OR ILL WILL!
I JUST WISH YOU WOULD STOP HURTING PEOPLE!

Stop hating the fact that I spoke up against your twisted way of life! Your twisted words needed to be spoken against! In fact, the whole church just needs an intervention!

You are wasting your time making me a rallying point of hatred (Geez Louise #2!).

I have moved on with my life…and so should you. Stop using me to spread your fear, hatred and control to the remaining prisoners in your church.

I’ve moved on from angst-ing over you and the damage you wreaked on me.

Actually I have found healing to the point that I am thankful for the hard lessons learned from your selfish grasping:

I learned how to do a hard job and not expect to have monetary gain from it.
I learned how to stick to a thankless task without walking away.

I am a survivor. I am just sorry you were the one to force me to be a survivor.

I am ready to walk away from the proverbial altar. I no longer bear “aught” against you.

I just wish you would lay down your “aught” against me and walk away.

In moving on with my life I have found:
1. ....mascara does not make your eye balls fall out of your head.
2. …it’s okay to wear shorts and jeans. Your legs don’t fall off.
3. ….it’s okay to drink an alcoholic beverage on celebratory occasions. I heartily recommend Grasshoppers.
4. ….it’s okay to skip church once in a while…especially when you have been an addict to religion.
5. …it’s okay to go to theaters. Seriously, people. You watch the exact same movies in your home. I know. I’ve seen you.
6. …it’s okay to not spend every extra penny you own on unflattering skirts and dowdy shirts. Seriously. Read Vogue once in a while. And stop stealing people’s money to buy your blasé clothes. 7. …it’s okay to be friends with WORLDLY people (Geesh #1)
8 .…and because time and post space is getting away from me….it’s okay to: make your own choice in marriage, listen to “rock Christian music (gasp!), read the Bible instead of listening to the preacher, wear bathing suits, wear earrings, blush, and eye liner, listen to country music (including The Civil Wars…Yippee!), root for Roll Tide! vote democratic, read mystery novels, and wear pants, earrings, blush, eyeliner to church.

Seriously. My fingers, legs, ears and eyes are still intact and I have accomplished all but one of the above listed. And if John Huntsman doesn’t make the Republican ticket I will accomplish ALL the listed.

I really, really hope you are reading this article, cult member, and especially you, cult pastor.

Because I want to say one last time: I DON'T WISH YOU ANY ILL WILL. I FORGIVE YOU! I just wish for Geez- Louise- Gosh- Smarm its sakes that you would get some freedom and for God's sake DANCE!!!!!

I don't want to hear that you've hurt one more person and stripped them of their trust in human kind.

I want to hear things like you have let all the young people in church free to pursue their dreams.
That you have repaid those from whom you have stolen.

"red dress" by the heart truth in flickr

That you have asked forgiveness of those you have hurt.
I want to hear that you have bought a sleeveless red dress and worn it dancing.

"tango" by aka serge in flickr

Yes, dancing. Make it the tango. 

That you bought a bathing suit and worn it to the beach.

That you spread the word God isn’t as mean and hateful as you have made Him out to be all these years.

More importantly...I want to hear that you have sought counseling. Because you are very, very ill. Your illness is destroying those you supposedly "love". You see, if you truly love, you let go. Sounds cliched but it's true You don’t micromanage. You don’t manipulate, lie or steal. You get help because you are a deeply trouble narcissist.

*Snarkiness alert* (because I have been REALLY NICE up till now. Really.) That supposed leak that let word of the "runaway marriage" out? That leak came from someone very, very close to you. Very close. Turn around and they are probably standing right beside you.

Heh! Heh! Made you look didn’t I? Seriously though. The leak is in your “inner circle”. One of the “hearts of the true church”.

So do everyone a favor and let that poor little couple actually run away from you and your toxic environment. Stop guilt-ing them that the owe you. They don’t own you one samn thing.

All the snarkiness aside, I have to tell you that this month is Spiritual Abuse Awareness month. So be careful of any visitors to your church. They might be cult exit counselors in disguise (okay, okay the snarkiness wasn't totally out of my system. It is now...I promise :)

Here, my cult peeps and highly controlled, um, (I can't say "geeks" now I can I?!?! I got all my snarkiness out back a paragraph)...um... PEEPS! ...are some articles you should read (you REALLY NEED to read ALL these articles.

I have commented on a lot of them...you never know what I said in my comments so READ. EVERY. SINGLE. ARTICLE. (and all the comments)

Best advice I know to get out of your pastor worshipping, fellow- brother- hating slavery: here.

God commands you to be free.

Feel loved: Read how much Jesus loves you and count the ways (written by the most excellent word smith Eric Pazdziora) Visit Eric's blog on Spiritual Abuse here.

Surround yourself with grace: Read Hillary McFarland's grace- filled description of the cult family.

Lewis Wells will give it to you straight with the only advice he knows to give to members of high control group, whether it be a family or a church.

Elizabeth Esther writes an awesome blog about that desperately wicked heart that you, oh cult pastor dear, pounded away about prayer meeting after prayer meeting. According to Elizabeth that scripture is a great way for abusers to couch their manipulation.

Time gets away from me to tell you of the awesome articles written by Rachel Held Evans, Internet Monk, Ann Voskamp, and Serena Woods. I strongly urge you to read them.

As I noted above, I have commented ALL OVER these blogs. You need to read every single post to see what I might have written.

Cult member, after reading all these amazing exhortations toward personal autonomy and the freedom to have your own relationship with God...then so be it. Do whatever makes your boat float.

Cult pastor, why have people's pain on your conscience? Why not let them fly free? You don't need these poor people's adulation to justify your existence. God loves you and will forgive you for your trespasses. As He will forgive us all.

"The trick is to learn to dance in the rain" by daneete 5

So, geez, cult pastor and cult member...Why don't you just dance? I hope you finally do. Life is just way to short to waste your time spitting at the wind. It’s so much more fun to dance.

'Quivering Daughters' reviewed by Christianity Today

"Flower girl fun" by stacy benton in flickr

On Thursday my friend Hillary McFarland's book, Quivering Daughters was reviewed by  Gina Dalfonzo on Christianity Today. Dalfonzo says:

Many of us tend to react with righteous indignation when we read stories of women in foreign countries denied higher education, the chance to support themselves, and the freedom to live independently and make their own decisions.

How do we react when women are denied those same freedoms here in America—by some of our fellow Christians?

An excellent review that I definitely recommend reading.

On Thursday Chaplain Mike included and expounded on Dalfonzo's review and in a follow discussion of Bill Gothard on Internet Monk.

For Ash Wednesday

My prayer for Ash Wednesday:

 ¹ Have mercy upon me, O God,
         According to Your lovingkindness;
         According to the multitude of Your tender mercies,
         Blot out my transgressions.
 ² Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
         And cleanse me from my sin.
    
 ³ For I acknowledge my transgressions,
         And my sin is always before me.
 ⁴ Against You, You only, have I sinned,
         And done this evil in Your sight—
         That You may be found just when You speak,
         And blameless when You judge.
    
 ⁵ Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
         And in sin my mother conceived me.
 ⁶ Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,
         And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.
    
 ⁷ Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
         Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
 ⁸ Make me hear joy and gladness,
         That the bones You have broken may rejoice.
 ⁹ Hide Your face from my sins,
         And blot out all my iniquities.
    
 ¹⁰ Create in me a clean heart, O God,
         And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
 ¹¹ Do not cast me away from Your presence,
         And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
    
 ¹² Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
         And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
 ¹³ Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
         And sinners shall be converted to You.
    
 ¹⁴ Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
         The God of my salvation,
         And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.
 ¹⁵ O Lord, open my lips,
         And my mouth shall show forth Your praise.
 ¹⁶ For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;
         You do not delight in burnt offering.
 ¹⁷ The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
         A broken and a contrite heart—
         These, O God, You will not despise.
    
 ¹⁸ Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion;
         Build the walls of Jerusalem.
 ¹⁹ Then You shall be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness,
         With burnt offering and whole burnt offering;
         Then they shall offer bulls on Your altar. (Psalm 51, New King James Version)

My Two Cents: Have you heard about the jailbreak?

"But it comes down to this: If I am the one in control, then I am in a prison of my own making.

I have come to this place in my life: I either want to let go of my life and let God be in total control, or I want to be in total control myself. Splitting the duties just doesn’t work. “Balance” is not the way. (That is another essay for another day. Just know that the “B” word is not welcome with me.) I can try to earn my way into God’s good graces by doing all of the good and prudent things that Christians are supposed to do, or I can have God’s good Grace simply by receiving it."

~Jail Break~
Internet Monk

“Since when have you not had permission to live any way you like? Even in the prison of legalism, you are free to act and think and do anything you want. It just comes heaped with guilt. And guilt is not a way God speaks to us. Guilt comes from doing something you think you are not supposed to do, whether that goes against tradition or against what you have always been told is wrong or it goes against what religious teachers tell you is wrong. Guilt is based in fear, and fear is not of God. Fear is based on the thought of punishment. And if we are really and truly totally forgiven, then there is no more punishment ahead.”
~Monkshank Redemption~
Internet Monk

"Grace gives you your dignity back. Your dignity is rooted in the identity of Jesus. Jesus came FIRST. He’s not a plan B. He’s not an afterthought. He’s not a result of God saying, ‘Fine. I’ll do this.’ God wanted to ‘do this’. So He created us.


When we sin, we have all of hell trying to get us to believe that we haveruined everything. However, sin illuminates the need for Jesus. Hell wants you to believe that you’re only good enough if you’re good enough. God is trying to get you to see that He created you to need Him, therefore, without grace you are never going to be good enough. It’s not about your failure, it’s about the way this whole thin
g is set up. We’re useless without Him. Would you want it any other way?"
~getting your dignity back~
Serena Woods

"It’s so easy to miss this. Sometimes we even seem to want to miss this. Maybe we prefer things to be more complicated. Maybe we want to feel like we get some reward for our good works. Maybe we want to feel superior to all those sinners who don’t know how to lead a holy life. Maybe we think it isn’t fair that sinners get the same deal as righteous people. But then that’s probably how we felt about salvation before we first received Christ. That’s how we feel when we don’t like the Gospel."
~Just As You Received Christ...~
Eric Pazdziora

I am here and there...

I have been a scarce blogger since October- Life has a way of taking over one's time.

Mostly in that time I have been reading and healing.

And working to pay for gas.

And paying for gas to work. [SMILE!!!]

I do have some ideas for some posts...mostly just more "stuff" I want to say about healing.

I am going to share some of my favorite reads:

On the serious side:
The Secret Life of Grief by Hillary McFarland
Once again Hillary's writing shines on the haunting beauty of grief

Clean by Eric Pazdziora
Eric describes the glorious fact that we are indeed washed

This is where the healing begins by Tenth Avenue NorthI feel like dancing after listening to this song :)

dear unloved by Serena Woods

Serena describes perfectly the feeling of being an outcast

in light of all the furor Rob Bell has stirred up:

Jesus and _______

Lewis discusses with candor the Christianity's need to proclaim the burning side of grace

AND just for giggles:

If you need a belly laugh visit this site.

And no. They are not serious.

Spiritual Abuse Awareness Month

Lisa Bertolini of Soul Liberty Faith has shared an inspirational post on Hillary McFarland's blog Quivering Daughters titled Behind Spiritual Abuse Awareness Month.

Listed below are posts I found inspirational as well as my own story.

Please take the opportunity to share your own story in the Mr. Linky widget.

I can't go to church anymore by Elizabeth Esther

Spiritual Abuse and the Gospel by Hillary McFarland

I Have a Sign: Answering Spiritual Abusers... by Eric Pazdziora

I See Dead People by Tales From the Crypt


The Manipulative Power of Peace by Lewis Wells

Just Be by Serena Woods

Pimps in the Pasture by The Secret Life of a Bishop's Wife

Works-Righteousness by Any Other Name... by imonk

My Story:
Can't You See That I Am Dying?

And So....Rest!

I was unable to post my last few thoughts on October 31st (downed Internet service) so I thought I'd sprinkle them out and about tonight.

It has been an amazing journey, this blog.

I found people who understand being afraid of church.

I have found people, even though wounded by their past, encourage grace and growth in Christ (that's you, Hillary!)

I have found people not afraid to say a spade is a spade and that intimidation in the name of religion is evil (Keep blogging, Lewis)

I have been blessed by the incredible insights by bloggers like Eric who understand the choke hold of legalism and Meg and Burnie who write openly and honestly of life out of the cult.

Provender's post describing how spiritual abuse is the invisible trauma was an eye-opener.

The blogger Recovering Alumni at 'My Teen Mania Experience' has my absolute respect. She has stood up to a mega organization for the lives it has harmed.

If you are coming out of a controlling family or church these people are good friends to have by your side.

My battle right now finding freedom from my approval addiction. Blogger Shari Howerton writes eloquently of her own struggle in this area (thank you for sharing your struggle, Shari)

Working in a consumer satisfaction environment has gone a long way to curing my approval addiction. No matter how good you are, how hard you work, how much you care you just can't make 'em all happy.

I might pop back from time to time to pass along some good reading. For now, however, I am going to rest. And watch 'Pushing Daisies' (my new love) and 'The Middle' (my new fav).

My words of wisdom to myself this week come from Max Lucado's 'He Still Moves Stones':

As long as you think you can control people's behavior toward you, you are held in bondage by their opinions...It's a game with unfair rules and fatal finishes. Jesus didn't play it nor should you...Having [approval] is desirable but not necessary for happiness and is not always possible. Jesus did not let the difficult dynamic of His family overshadow his call from God.

My Two Cents on Good Reading (and Listening!)

I'm the chick with the broken heart by Elizabeth Esther

Sheep Story by Eric Pazdziora

8 Techniques For Thought Control by My Teen Mania Experience

Encouragement by Darcy's Heart Stirrings

Lamentations 3:19

Building an Altar by Lewis Wells

I See Dead People by Meg and Burnie

Michael W Smith sings about church abuse

Don't forget to share your two cents!

photos by davidfaboyd and magistar in photobucket

The Journey From The Cult

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate,
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.
~J.R.R. Tolkien~

Good Reading On Lukewarm, Grace, Hazing, and The Desperately Wicked Heart

Articles and blogs definitely worth the perusal time.

How My Mother's Fanatical Views Tore Us Apart

by Rebecca Walker

Heartbreaking article detailing the emotional damage when a parent is fanatically dedicated to a movement

Grace With A Floppy Face

by Hillary McFarland

The overwhelming burden of perfectionism

The Myth of the Lukewarm Christian

by Eric Pazdziora

This post resonated deeply with me as the leader of the cult I was in ranted regularly on this topic...it was a "one-size-shame-for-all" sermon when she wasn't getting enough parishioner's money, time or adulation.

Don't Trust Your Desperately Wicked Heart and Other Fundamentalist Myths

by Elizabeth Esther

The title says it all...

Looking Back-Looking Forward

by Tales From the Crypt (Meg and Burnie)

Leaving a cult can feel like being mowed over by a semi-truck...

Spiritual Hazing: The Fraternity Tactics of Controlling Church Leaders

by the Cult Next Door

Re-read my post about the hazing-like tactics used by the cult leader of the Dade City church.

Guest Post: The Galatian Road Out of Legalism by Eric Pazdziora

 I am so honored to have Eric Pazdziora as a guest blogger on The Cult Next Door.

Eric writes definitively about legalism and spiritual abuse.

Without further ado, Eric's post:

 Legalism. It’s one of those nasty words that everybody points to as an example of religion gone wrong. Everybody knows that you shouldn’t be a legalist. Everybody knows that legalism is unbiblical. Everybody would be affronted if you called them a legalist.
Unfortunately, “everybody” by definition includes all the legalists. All the most legalistic people I’ve ever known assure me that they’re not legalists, and that legalism is wrong, and that they know they’re not saved by works, and that you must misunderstand them if you think they’re legalists.

So who are the legalists, then? The bogeymen? Anyone whose view of religion is more than 5% stricter than the person talking? Those are lousy definitions. We need something better. If legalism is so bad, and most of the people who practice it are not even aware of it, how can we avoid it? How can we diagnose ourselves to see whether we’re legalists? How can we be free if we are?