All You Did Was Use Me...

by FLAMEonfire2 in photobuket 

...saying 'Master,Master' for instance-isn't going to get you anywhere with me...all you did was use me to make yourselves important. You don't impress me one bit. You're out of here.
-Jesus-

Friday Quote (on Sunday)

The human heart cries out to be free. Everything within us fights against the bondage of tyranny of oppression. Our souls were not made to live in cages of fear that restrict us from the joys of liberty. Once we get a taste of such relief, our appetite for more becomes consuming...true for God's people who have existed too long in the suffocating grip of legalistic demands and expectations.
-Charles Swindoll-
Grace Awakening
prison image bywillymac123 in photobucket

Grace Notes: The Grace To Decide

There is a fine line between responsible leadership and dogmatic control. All risks notwithstanding, people need to be informed and then released to come to their own convictions. Why must a minister constantly issue public edicts and decrees? Seems awfully popelike to me. Have we wandered that far from grace?

-Charles Swindoll-
Grace Awakening
rain image by Find Stuff2 in photobucket
http://www.amazon.com/Grace-Awakening-Believing-Thing-Another/dp/0849918057

Support Group for Spiritual Abuse

This is information from the VM Life Resources web page. The site has a wealth of information on recognizing and exiting spiritual abuse.

Support Group for Former Members of Cults,High-Demand Groups, or Spiritually Abusive Groups
What the support group is:
Opportunity to discuss experience in a safe place
Peer support in a nonjudgmental group
Provides basic educational information
What Does It Cost?Just your willingness to come. We do not charge for attendance at the support groups.
When Does the Support Group Meet?
On the 4th Saturday of each month from 3:00 to 5:00 pm
How Can I Join?
In order to ensure a safe environment for all participants, an initial meeting with the facilitators is required prior to an invitation to attend the support group. The purpose is to:
Explain the purpose and guidelines of the support group;
Determine if the individual can benefit from this support group; and
Screen out individuals who are posing as former cult members.
Please call 214-607-1065 or e-mail us at info@dallascult.com for more information.

Defeat the Piper's Call

A random whimsy of thought on the Pied Piper of Hamelin married into the subject of spiritual abuse in the strange consciousness I call my brain space.
According to the wikipedia article several variations exist to explain this 1284 town record entry:

"It is 10 years since our children left"

Apparently a stained glass window in the Hamelin church of a colorfully dressed piper with children in white around him gave credence to the Pied Piper tale of luring children away.
To discover more click the wiki link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pied_Piper_of_Hamelin

In my opinion, the Pied Piper is an allegory for the leaders in a cult/spiritually abusive church.
The church members follow his (in my case, her) words blindly, entranced, oblivious to the world around them. All that matters is to follow the seemingly golden tone of the piper.

When I left my cult of twenty-four years (my story is : http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/2009/01/cant-you-see-that-im-dying.html)
I left behind friendships of the same amount of years. A particular friend that I worked with at the church's 'mission' for eleven years.

Through the adversity of functioning in a poorly managed work environment, this person and I had grown quite close. We could finish each other's thoughts, know what the other's opinion was on most subjects, and for the most part, work in perfect harmony for eight to sixteen hours a day.

Leaving the cult behind meant leaving all contact with this person behind as well (When one leaves the 'fellowship' behind, one is now part and parcel with Satan according to the 'pastor'). I foolishly thought that a kind note or two might lure said person out of the magnetic sway of the cult's 'pastor'.

I found out quickly that this was not the case. Said person came to my house and brusquely delivered this letter:

Dear [ my name],
A short reply to your note. [husband] and I want you and everyone to know that we are more thrilled with God and His family than we have ever been.
I boast in my God in His continued closeness and guidance through His Word. We have never had the presence of God on [ a Dade City Church] as we are experiencing Him present w/us in every way! The Word of God has never been so full of deliverance, hope, vision, and assurance that He is our God and we are His people. "Happy is the people whose God is their Lord".
Our fellowship is w/ the Father,the Son, and the Holy Ghost and His called out and chosen children. God chooses for us.
We do pray for you and trust that God's mercy be w/you.
Because of Calvary's Love,
[said person]
[husband]

To the untrained eye, the letter appears a simple expression of Christian sentiments.To an experienced Piper (cult) follower, however, alarming phrases pepper the verbiage. For the sake of brevity, I will call attention to just one:

"Our fellowship is w/ the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost and His called out and chosen children. God chooses for us."

This follower of a cult Pied Piper will not be dissuaded from their march to the river of the destruction of spiritual abuse. Attempts to brake them from the trance only result in a greater determination to follow the piper more vehemently because as they themselves declared:

Happy is the people whose [god] is their Lord

Sadly, I can but watch this poor battered sheep as theysacrifice their person hood. Words, tears, kindness- nothing will reach them. I stand, watching, armed with prayer. A solider half-way across the world in war-torn Iraq was instrumental in interrupting my mindless marching. I pray that some such person invades the trance of said letter writer. May God end the destructive march of the spiritually abusive Pied Pipers and let the children come home.

Letter to Ex- Pastor

This letter is one more step in my healing process. Because of all the abuse (spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical) that happened to me in my years at a Dade City church, I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.Guess what triggers my PTSD episodes?You got it- church!!!!One day I hope to be healed to the point that I don’t throw up when I walk into a church.
God, grant healing to all who have suffered spiritual abuse and grant us restoration.
God, grant understanding to our abusers. Let them come to the knowledge that they are abusers. Let the abused and the abuser find healing in Your love.
God, break the circle of pain.
Amen.


Dear [name withheld], pastor of a Dade City church,
It is a strain to marry a polite greeting to your name, but as we live in a polite society and I am conforming to society rules of formal opening, the greeting remains.
Enough blathering.
The point of my letter is to inform you that are a spiritual abuser.
I don’t know if your abusive tendencies arise from your past?Perhaps you were a recipient of abuse from your family or even another church leader?This I don’t know the answer to, and in actuality, it is a moot point as you are the only one who knows in certainty. Perhaps you have never heard the term “spiritual abuser”.
Let me clarify.
In the book “The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse”, authors Johnson and Vonderen explain how spiritual abuse is parallel to family system abuse:

“In a healthy, functional family system, the parents occupy a place of authority
in order to provide need-meeting relationships, experiences, and messages to the
children…When a parent uses his or her position to force the children to perform, or uses a too-harsh standard to judge by, or uses the position of power to gratify [her] own needs…the parent has crossed the line into abuse… When a child trusts, and then is emotionally, verbally, physically, or sexually used for an adult’s gratification, that is abuse.”

[name withheld], you haven’t just crossed the line into abuse- you have built a kingdom with it and into it.
In your belief that you are God’s judgment stone you have made yourself and those who support you into ‘God’s lynching crew. You have spiritually, emotionally, and physically ‘lynched’ people’s God-given right of person hood and equality. I hate to be the one to tell you, but God never advertised for a ‘judgment stone-spiritual lynching assistant’.
Perhaps you should check your hiring papers- you might find a signature on there you wouldn’t like.
Nathan told David a parable of a rich man who stole the poor man’s sheep to feed his guest.
[name withheld], you didn’t just steal your poor neighbor’s sheep to feed your guest. You, the ‘shepherd’, took your own sheep to feed yourself.
You are the woman.
I say this, not as a judge- that isn’t my place.
I say this a fellow child of Christ.
In Matthew 18: 15 Christ says,

“If a brother or sister sins, go and point out the fault, just
between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two along, so that every matter maybe established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.”

You have had many ‘private pointing outs’, so I am coming with two or three witnesses of this blog.
As God created you, [name withheld], a creation in His own image, He loves you. He provided you a Sacrifice that will cover every abuse you have perpetrated. Christ will take every destructive action, word, and thought you have committed on His very own Body of believers on Himself- He will cover them with His precious blood. As a fellow child of Christ, I urge you to take the Advocate God has allowed you. He will take your sentence, as He has mine, on His very Self.
If you choose to ignore this Advocate, I would remind you that, as God is mercy, He is equally justice.A dire warning for offenders is in Luke 17:1:

“…Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come. It would be better for you to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied about your neck than for you to cause one of these little ones to stumble. So watch yourselves.”

As you are so fond of saying-‘I didn’t say that, God did’.
In the name of grace of peace, I ask you to come forward, admit your abuse, and break the cycle of pain. Remember Zacchaeus? Christ came to his house and the tax collector turned from his abuse of the people.
Let Christ come to your house.
Turn from your abuse.
Repay back what you have stolen.
You often portray yourself as a ‘David’ to those who have turned from you ‘Saul’.You say they plot for your life, awaiting your ruin. I say to you that the opposite is true. Those you have abused and stolen from haven’t taken you to task for your wrongs against them. They have moved on with their lives, growing and maturing into the humans they were meant to be be, the people they would have been without your abuse.They go on bravely, facing years wasted in your service, money given to bolster your kingdom (not God’s) that you have built.You, on the other hand, pursue them with prayers for their demise, for their destructive and violent end. You see God as your ‘long arm of the law’.I would re-think the whole Saul and David scenario.
You aren’t David.
I don’t wish to descend into a ‘Jerry-Springer-ish’ orgy of blame throwing, so I will bring this letter to it’s close.I want you to know that you are an abuser. I also want you to know that there is forgiveness and grace.If you choose forgiveness, I want you to know that with about ten years of good counseling I will able to stand in the same room as you to hear the true account of your life. By then I will have gotten over my ‘house- elf’ mentality and won’t cringe or throw-up when I see your face.
And I was a good house-elf for you. I took your abuse and your mentality that I was less than human and put here on earth purposely to serve you.As you were the ‘master’ and I but the lowly house-elf, I kept your secrets. My mind and soul punished me severely when I dared think or say that you were wrong.
No more!!!!!!! I am free!
You are not material of Voldemort proportion- however; you are definitely Malfoy status. As Dobby the house-elf says in ‘Prisoner of Azcaban’:

“You are a bad, dark wizard”.
Now I am a free house-elf and I may work for when and for whom I choose.
If the ‘Harry Potter’ references offend you, I was glad to be of service one last time.
[name withheld], for your immortal soul’s sake, choose repentance.End the abuse.
Restore what you have stolen and come into the waiting arms of forgiveness,

A fellow child in Christ

This is my ‘Amos 5:24’ prayer:
“But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-ending
stream!”
Pray God His justice will roll through a Dade City church and wash away the pain and abuse.

Clarity Rediscovered

This is an informative check-up by a blogger at "Clarity Rediscovered".
Unfortunately, they are no longer allowing random visitors- you have to be invited to read.
Hopefully they will soon re-open their blog to the public.

http://clarityrediscovered.blogspot.com/2009/01/seriously-is-it-just-me.html
"I decided to compose a simple, and of course, very unscientific, test which can be taken by those who have left the former church or one like it. With the help of my husband and a good friend, the questions were designed to help everyone see how differently the former church affected people during our unfortunate captivity there. If you would like to, get out a sheet of paper and see how you do.

1. How long did you attend this church? (1 point for each year)

2. Were you there every time the doors were open? (10 points)

3. How many years were you actively involved in a helps ministry? (1 point for each year in each area of helps. Example: 16 years in music=16 points, plus 5 years in the nursery=5 additional points)

4. Were you ever a department head, either paid or volunteer? (10 points)

5. Were you ever a paid staff member? (20 points for each family member on staff)

6. Were you or a family member ever on the board? (10 points)

7. Did your children grow up in this church? (20 points)

8. Did they ever have an unpleasant experience with the former pastor and/or his family members? (20 points per incident)

9. Did you or anyone in your family ever have to meet with the former pastor, his wife, or his son in order to be corrected? (20 points)

10. Did the former pastor ever make you or an immediate family member cry? (10 points per incident)

11. Were you forced to follow the dress code? (10 points)

12. Were you ever expected to choose the pastor and the church over family and friendships? (20 points)

13. Did you ever discover that you were the subject of the dinner conversation of your former pastor and his family? (10 points)

14. Did the former pastor ever pit you against staff members and/or church members, demanding information, and giving you no choice but to answer? (10 points)

15. Were you ever personally corrected from the pulpit, knowing without a doubt that he was talking about you? (20 points per incident)

16. Did you give your tithes and offerings to this church? (20 points)

17. Did you give out of obligation, and did this ever create financial difficulties for you? (20 points)

18. Were you ever made to feel inferior because you didn't have an impressive amount of material things, and because of this, then felt pressured to acquire them? (10 points)

19. Did you ever feel left out of the former pastor's clique? (10 points)

20. Did you or your family experience any kind of loss or pain that you believe you would not have experienced had you not attended the former church? (50 points)

21. Were you ever strongly advised by the former pastor (from the pulpit or in private) to make an important decision regarding your personal life or finances which ultimately proved to be wrong? (20 points per incident)

22. Did the former pastor ever lie to you by giving his word that he would do something and then not do it? (such as a Christmas bonus for 2 years in a row) (10 points per incident) 50 bonus points: Were you asked to leave this church? 50 bonus points: Were you fired from a position in this church? 50 bonus points: Was your spouse fired from a position in this church?

If you scored 150 points or above, then you have probably been adversely affected by this church. Some more than others. I am sure that there are a wide range of scores.

As you can see from all of the possible responses to the questions posed in this test, people have had largely varying degrees of involvement and experiences, leading to a countless number of different reactions. It is a very personal thing. As unique as your fingerprint. No one has the right to decide when it is time for someone to get over a hurtful situation. Some have needed an opportunity to vent, which in turn has helped others to do the same."